My husband keeps disrespecting me
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Anonymous
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I have been questioning whether my husband is having an affair or is just looking to have one.
He has been pushing me away, i would say actively for the last 8 months. What i mean by this is- he has made NASTY comments about my appearance, he has been going out on his way home from work. A few times alone with another woman. He goes out frequently to dinner(alone?) and will say he had a late lunch. All this time i have been Leery of his relationship w a coworker. We have been having a horrible time especially this last month. He has now started deleting all his texts, messages , everything. Our sex life is the only thing that has not been suffering because he has the drive of a 20 year old. Meaning- he always wants to do it and hes pretty quick about it. Well, i do wish I could turn back and not see this but I can't. He has several emails between him and his boss( female) that are very flirtatious. I was kind of ok with that until I saw one where he mistakenly called me his wide instead of his wife. She brought it to his attention, and then they discussed at length how she had many ways to hold this against him with him laughing and going on about it. WHY??? I am so devestated. And i get it, I shouldn't have looked at his email. But I am not over weight, and this is so hurtful to me that my husband took part in this? She definitely instigated it but wow, did he have to respond w such gusto? DH and DW please respond and help me sort this out. Is he really not that into me? We have been married for 25 years. |
Anonymous
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This just breaks my heart that you even have to ask this question this far in. I'm more concerned about the deleting text history than anything. Get his cell phone bill and see who he has been texting.
25 years is a long time. If he were doing something what would you do? |
Anonymous
| pP again: the arguing all the time I another clue. You could tell him to stop but the issue is really where his heart is right now and what's going on with him. Sounds like whatever is or isn't happening, he likes te extra attention from this colleague boss lady. |
Anonymous
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i would also like to say- I have offered to divorce him, told him I dont want him to stay if he is unhappy.He says this is where he wants to be, he loves me etc.
He used to be this humble but amazing guy. Now he is very arrogant and and sure of himself. |
Anonymous
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If he is doing something, I want him to leave.. I mean can a couple really get past something like this? In the past month i have learned that actions truly speak louder than words.
I absolutely do not trust him. I have never even looked at his phone before this month. Why would I? He says he loves me cant live with out me yet for the first time in 25 years he didnt even give me a gift on my birthday, and left my card on the table w a pile of papers. He said he thought i would see it... |
Anonymous
So then you're response is: "No actually you're not showing me that you love me. You might be able to say the words, but you're actions are another story. You are flirting with another woman. You have deleted texts and emails. You have spoken to me in a mean and disrespectful way constantly. You have been checking out with late night dinners and coming home late. This is not what I signed up for. If you really do love me and want to stay in this marriage, then you'll join me with meeting with a therapist on (date) at (time). This isn't working and we need to figure it out together. If you choose not to join me, I'll still go and then figure out what next steps I need to take. The bottom line is that I will not continue in a marriage where I am disrespected." |
Anonymous
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Big red flags everywhere. My friend's ex DH behaved the exact same way before she finally confronted him about it. He was horrible to her even when she was diagnosed with cancer. When confronted, he confessed he was having an affair for the past year.
He probably doesn't want to divorce you because of financial reasons. |
Anonymous
That is very sad. Obviously you have a history together and are probably hoping for more years being with each other. I would give him an ultimatum - counseling where you are comfortable addressing the issue and being honest or you leave. |
Anonymous
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We literally just started counseling last week. My birthday, and the email wer both after our first appointment.
He said he didnt get me a gift because he thought I would throw it at him. I told him that while that might have happened, thats my option. I said you keep making yourself look worse. Why? He says I dont know Im sorry, Im sorry. i said action speaks louder than words. He also lies to me suddenly(?) about everything ! Nonsensical things. He says I make him so nervous that he lies. I am trying to be honest here because i seriously am in shock i think.. I am probably the most laid back wife you have EVER met. We have an active social life, together and apart. i seriously thought i had no reason to be a jealous wife. He started this job a little over a year ago and when i look back, I see things I should have taken note of.. But I guess I was pretty naive |
Anonymous
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You to H: "The ridicule is unacceptable. I'm going to see a divorce attorney next week."
Go see the divorce attorney and weigh your options. It will hopefully snap him back to reality. |
Anonymous
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I was in your shoes two years ago. 22 years of marriage and completely trusted my DH. He was cheating and many of the things you mention were happening: going out alone, staying late at work, taking phone calls outside or sitting in the car on the phone when getting home from work. He also was very critical of me and seemed to think I was even more critical of him.
I did divorce my cheating husband, but I do know couples who have gotten over it. Some even have stronger marriages after than they did before. But there are no easy answers. It all depends on whether your DH can even admit what he did was wrong. If he is having an affair with his boss, she could get fired. He could actually sue for sexual harassment -- although, it sounds like he is fully on board with the affair. |
Anonymous
Well I wish you the best. It might be that he is flirting pass an acceptable point or your marriage needs a tune-up. |
Anonymous
| While i get your point about his boss being inappropriate . DH has been asking HIS assistant out for drinks in a club after work. They went there alone. She followed him from his last job.. |
Anonymous
| Do you have a thigh gap now? If not, can you work on getting one? |
Anonymous
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What does that even mean??^^
I am sorry you are going through this..it seems to me he has found some things to like at work besides his job. Are these other women married? Not that it matters really |