Would you ever file a restraining order against your own mother?

[Anonymous]

My mother is batsh*t. We have been estranged for years because of her behavior and shennanigans. Over the last few years she has continued to contact my friends, employer, other family members to talk badly about me, try to get me fired, accuse me of abuse, etc. She lives across the country and has no relationship with any of my friends or any of the rest of our family. No one speaks to her, yet this continues. Most recently she showed up earlier in the year at my childrens school and attempted to take them. At that time, our attorney sent her a letter stating if anything like that ever happened again we would be pressing charges.

Now here we are, I continue to get calls and emails from friends and aquaintances telling me the message my mother left them. Not only is this incredibly embarassing, but at this point doesn't it consitute harassment? I have a beautiful family, great career, husband, etc -- and here is my crazy mother constantly with this smear campaign against me. The thing is, I know if I file an order, she'll break it. Then...I will have been responsible for putting my own mother in jail.

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

How does she know all your friends and employer/co-workers? Or where your child goes to school? That all seems very fishy, if you've been estranged for years she wouldn't know all this...

[Anonymous]

I'd file the restraining order since she tried to take your kids out of school. That's scary. It sounds like she needs mental help. Maybe if she violates the restraining order, you can force her to get some help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does she know all your friends and employer/co-workers? Or where your child goes to school? That all seems very fishy, if you've been estranged for years she wouldn't know all this...

NP here and this is not hard to believe at all. Today is it extremely easy to find out information online, even when people are incredibly careful to secure information. Not fishy at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does she know all your friends and employer/co-workers? Or where your child goes to school? That all seems very fishy, if you've been estranged for years she wouldn't know all this...

NP here and this is not hard to believe at all. Today is it extremely easy to find out information online, even when people are incredibly careful to secure information. Not fishy at all.

This.

OP I would certainly check into a restraining order. She tried to take your kids out of school and IMO she is harassing you.

[Anonymous]

The school should be notified that your mother is banned. Every time a colleague or friend says they have received a message about your mother, tell them to block her number and email.

About your kids: could this attempted kidnapping constitute proof that she needs medical treatment, even against her will? What did your attorney say about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The school should be notified that your mother is banned. Every time a colleague or friend says they have received a message about your mother, tell them to block her number and email.

About your kids: could this attempted kidnapping constitute proof that she needs medical treatment, even against her will? What did your attorney say about that?

Our attorney said that we we had enough to grounds to file. I do think she's a bad person, but I still have a hard time being responsible for getting my own mother into a legal battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does she know all your friends and employer/co-workers? Or where your child goes to school? That all seems very fishy, if you've been estranged for years she wouldn't know all this...

NP here and this is not hard to believe at all. Today is it extremely easy to find out information online, even when people are incredibly careful to secure information. Not fishy at all.

This isn't new behavior, the OP shouldn't have a Facebook/LinkedIn/Twitter/etc accounts or potentially change her name (even if it's just the spelling). I would try to get my mother treatment before putting her in jail, they are overcrowded and it most likely won't solve her issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The school should be notified that your mother is banned. Every time a colleague or friend says they have received a message about your mother, tell them to block her number and email.

About your kids: could this attempted kidnapping constitute proof that she needs medical treatment, even against her will? What did your attorney say about that?

The school has been notified and did a great job of protecting our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does she know all your friends and employer/co-workers? Or where your child goes to school? That all seems very fishy, if you've been estranged for years she wouldn't know all this...

NP here and this is not hard to believe at all. Today is it extremely easy to find out information online, even when people are incredibly careful to secure information. Not fishy at all.

This isn't new behavior, the OP shouldn't have a Facebook/LinkedIn/Twitter/etc accounts or potentially change her name (even if it's just the spelling). I would try to get my mother treatment before putting her in jail, they are overcrowded and it most likely won't solve her issues.

How would I get my mother mental help from across the country? At this point, I really just want to protect myself and my family. And I want the harassment to stop.

[Anonymous]

OP I am so sorry this is happening to you. You need to file a restraining order ASAP. Please try to not think of this as your mother engaging in a smear campaign. Your mother sounds extremely mentally ill. For this alone, a restraining order just may prompting her to get help. If not, if she violates it -- you can call the cops and hopefully get swift action -- including a 3 day hold if her actions are especially egregious.

[Anonymous]

I believe people often use/abuse the legal system just to be vindictive about petty things.
But the story you wrote is exactly why restraining orders were invented. I think you should file the restraining order for the safety of you and your children. And report her if she violates it. If she attempted to kidnap your childdren, there's no telling how violent she could become. Unfortunately, there's no good solution here. I'm sorry you are going through this. Best wishes (fwiw).

[Anonymous]

Just take out the word "mother." If you told me the same story and inserted "neighbor" instead, I would certainly tell you to take legal precautions. If the actions done by a stranger warrant a protective order, then the same response should be applied even if the person is a family member.

I would be more worried about how she can find out who your friends are from 1000 miles away. I am close to my mom though we live 500 miles apart. She could never name my co-workers and at most a handful of friends (and that's only because I've mentioned them repeatedly.) You must have a great deal of public information available about you so I would look into reducing your public/online profile.

[Anonymous]

Thank you to those who responded and for the well wishes. My mother has never worked in her entire life and devoted most of her time to becoming the best internet snoop and gossip of anyone I've ever known. She knows everything about everyone according to her.

Also, many of the contacts she's making are to family members and long time friends of mine. Our school, residence, neighbors, and employers have been the same for years. Not much I can do about that.

It gets tiresome living my "normal" life and then getting bombarded with calls/texts/emails that she's at it again. It makes me feel fearful that the shoe is about to drop and wonder what she'll do next.

[Anonymous]

OP: My mother is the exact way. I, unfortunately, have to tell the people who answer the phones at my office that my mother is mentally ill and I will not accept calls from her. Furthermore, I instruct them to hang up on her.