Would you ever file a restraining order against your own mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does she know all your friends and employer/co-workers? Or where your child goes to school? That all seems very fishy, if you've been estranged for years she wouldn't know all this...

NP here and this is not hard to believe at all. Today is it extremely easy to find out information online, even when people are incredibly careful to secure information. Not fishy at all.

This isn't new behavior, the OP shouldn't have a Facebook/LinkedIn/Twitter/etc accounts or potentially change her name (even if it's just the spelling). I would try to get my mother treatment before putting her in jail, they are overcrowded and it most likely won't solve her issues.

I have a feeling OPs mother would have found out info regardless of OP having these accounts...and OP NEVER SAID she had them. Do you know anything about the internet. FB and those other sites are not the only ways to get information.

[Anonymous]

I already posted but wanted to add:
I get hatemail from my mother and hate voice mails. My husband is in charge of cleaning all mail from her. Sometimes she'll send gifts to the kids. He make sure they are ok.

it's horrible and embarrassing but if she ever tried to get my kids from school, I would not hesitate to get a restraining order against her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: My mother is the exact way. I, unfortunately, have to tell the people who answer the phones at my office that my mother is mentally ill and I will not accept calls from her. Furthermore, I instruct them to hang up on her.

I'm so sorry! Would you mind sharing your story? I'm surprised someone else has dealt with this. -OP

[Anonymous]

In a heartbeat, OP. The whole "but she's my mom..." bit only applies when she's acting like a caring, responsible mother. Cross that line of respect, and she's DONE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: My mother is the exact way. I, unfortunately, have to tell the people who answer the phones at my office that my mother is mentally ill and I will not accept calls from her. Furthermore, I instruct them to hang up on her.

I'm so sorry! Would you mind sharing your story? I'm surprised someone else has dealt with this. -OP

I'm procrastinating so I'll share more starting with adulthood:

When I was 18 I had about 500 dollars in the bank...money I saved working in fast food. My mother tried to take that money out of my account! Bank said no.
on multiple occasions between 18 and 21 she tried to open credit cards in my name.
Obviously she was mentally and physically abusive to me throughout my childhood. The last time she hit me I was 23. 23!!! I should have called the police then but when she hit me and I was 17, they said there was nothing I could do about it. (a southern state...)

FF to nowish. when expecting my first child, my mom was terribly abusive to me during a visit. Upon return home (here), she left a horrible voice mail. Husband said that he didn't want (unborn) child seeing his mother treated this way and now it was no longer about me; it was about our family. I cut her off that day. I remember it clearly.

I told her that she had to get healthy, stop being abusive and X and Y (both family members ) had to separately tell me that she was on the mend before I would communicate with her. I worry that my mom could easily destroy my reputation. She's crazy enough tho that I think it no longer possible. Furthermore, she's really poor so I'm not sure she can get her to bother my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a heartbeat, OP. The whole "but she's my mom..." bit only applies when she's acting like a caring, responsible mother. Cross that line of respect, and she's DONE.

This is not a respect issue, it is a mental health issue. Lack of Respect is the least of her problems

[Anonymous]

You're lucky people call you to let you know what she is saying about you. In my case, only one person has every done that for me. In every other case, they distance themselves without telling me why. Good luck OP -- what does your lawyer say? I'd be curious to hear it too.

[Anonymous]

My mother is like this, OP. I feel for you and I know how destructive and demoralizing this type of behavior is. Personally, I do not have the heart to get a restraining order against my mother despite the horribly crazy and abusive things she has done. We plan to start having kids soon so I might change my mind if I sincerely thought she could cause harm to my kids.

I also wanted to congratulate you on creating a sane and stable life for yourself and your children. It is a feat to come up with insanity and find your way to a normal life. Hat's off to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're lucky people call you to let you know what she is saying about you. In my case, only one person has every done that for me. In every other case, they distance themselves without telling me why. Good luck OP -- what does your lawyer say? I'd be curious to hear it too.

Funny enough, I have thought of this. I wonder how many people she's contacted that haven't mentioned it to me. I've also had a few people mysteriously delete me from Facebook. So, it's probably even more widespread than I realize. OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother is like this, OP. I feel for you and I know how destructive and demoralizing this type of behavior is. Personally, I do not have the heart to get a restraining order against my mother despite the horribly crazy and abusive things she has done. We plan to start having kids soon so I might change my mind if I sincerely thought she could cause harm to my kids.

I also wanted to congratulate you on creating a sane and stable life for yourself and your children. It is a feat to come up with insanity and find your way to a normal life. Hat's off to you.

Thank you, really kind thing to say. I was really fortunate growing up to have other stable family members and friends parents to love me and look up to.

[Anonymous]

File a restraining order. Then I would look into having as little online presence as possible. I would also consider moving and changing schools. I would make sure if you move, that you tell friends, family, etc. not to share your new address with anyone without your permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:File a restraining order. Then I would look into having as little online presence as possible. I would also consider moving and changing schools. I would make sure if you move, that you tell friends, family, etc. not to share your new address with anyone without your permission.

I wanted to add to my post: I would also look into setting up a trust or some sort and buying your house in the name of the trust and not your personal name. I would do everything possible to become invisible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:File a restraining order. Then I would look into having as little online presence as possible. I would also consider moving and changing schools. I would make sure if you move, that you tell friends, family, etc. not to share your new address with anyone without your permission.

I wanted to add to my post: I would also look into setting up a trust or some sort and buying your house in the name of the trust and not your personal name. I would do everything possible to become invisible.

I too have a crazy mother. She has never gone this far, but I literally live in fear.... It is not cool. Good luck to you OP and anyone else living with this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're lucky people call you to let you know what she is saying about you. In my case, only one person has every done that for me. In every other case, they distance themselves without telling me why. Good luck OP -- what does your lawyer say? I'd be curious to hear it too.

Funny enough, I have thought of this. I wonder how many people she's contacted that haven't mentioned it to me. I've also had a few people mysteriously delete me from Facebook. So, it's probably even more widespread than I realize. OP

I have to think that you are better off without anyone who would delete you or distance themselves from you in person based solely on what one random person says (especially if these people don't even know your mother!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The school should be notified that your mother is banned. Every time a colleague or friend says they have received a message about your mother, tell them to block her number and email.

About your kids: could this attempted kidnapping constitute proof that she needs medical treatment, even against her will? What did your attorney say about that?

Our attorney said that we we had enough to grounds to file. I do think she's a bad person, but I still have a hard time being responsible for getting my own mother into a legal battle.

Reframe this. She got herself into this by violating your and your family's privacy repeatedly, and would have done worse if you didn't have a good network in place. You are protecting yourself and your family.