successful IVF...if you want a second child, then what?

[Anonymous]

We had a successful IVF with no frozen embryos and my husband and I are trying to decide if we would ever want to do another round. We are 100% male factor (currently - I haven't gotten my period back after having my child almost a year ago, but I'm still breastfeeding/pumping). We'd like to wait until our child is about 2-3 before we consider another cycle. However, we currently have IVF coverage with our insurance. If we move out of the area, we won't.

So the question is - if you had a successful IVF round, how did you decide if you wanted to do it again?

Our plan is likely going to be just not try to not get pregnant and if happens, it happens. However, I don't want to end up 38 find I'm sad that we aren't getting pregnant naturally but at the same time, spending the money to try for what is essentially a crap shoot when we have another child who will need those resources seems...like a waste.

how did you know and what did you decide?

[Anonymous]

The thought of not having a second child felt worse than the thought of going through all the IVF torture again.

I do not mean this to sound discouraging, but I also think you need to be honest with yourself about getting pregnant naturally. I think many of us who suffered from primary infertility have the fantasy that the second will just happen. Poof! I sure did. We tried on our own for 6 months. To me, trying naturally just strings your life and your emotions along. After everything you've been through, are you really going to be able to have a casual, whatever happens happens attitude? I know I never could have. BUT if you can that's great. Problem solved.

Trying for my second sucked. Every part of it sucked. It was one of the worst times of my life. In my case, it was much harder then the process with my first (took longer and more obstacles). I doubted myself many times as to whether I was doing the right thing and whether it was all worth it. But the minute that second baby arrived, I didn't regret one second of it. That feeling has only grown over time. What I went through to have my kids has faded and now I'm really at peace and happy. I am grateful I got a happy ending though. I fully understand that many people go through all of the torture and don't get that happy ending. I am profoundly lucky.

So I return to what I said first...figure out which feels worse...going through IVF again and all that entails or not having the second child. It's a terrible process so only do it if you really want the child. If you are happy with your family of three, then move on with your life and enjoy.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Honestly? If you've got IVF coverage from insurance and you are pretty sure you want another kid, don't worry about ideal spacing, and just do it. It'll be a tough couple years, but then it will get better and you'll have the two kids you want.

And of course, don't use birth control when your period comes back and see if you get lucky. Some do, though I imagine it's a lot less likely with male factor.

I'm staring secondary infertility in the face, and the months keep ticking by and my first keeps getting older...so that's the perspective I'm coming from.

[Anonymous]

Don't wait. I had my first via IUI quite easily (3rd attempt) but have since journeyed through 14 failures (BFN or chemical pregnancies.) I felt that as my little guy grew, I only wanted him to share more with a sibling and reap all of the benefiits. The heartbreak of it not working out has been challenging to manage. I only wish I'd tried sooner when I was younger. If nothing else, you're younger and could bank/freeze embryos rather than risking it not working when you are older.

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

If you needed IVF for number 1 then you will probably need it for number 2. I know there are stories on the internet about how pregnancy resets your body but I think it is just a fluke . I would schedule a consult with your RE and ask him your odds of getting pregnant naturally. Also, you are older now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you needed IVF for number 1 then you will probably need it for number 2. I know there are stories on the internet about how pregnancy resets your body but I think it is just a fluke . I would schedule a consult with your RE and ask him your odds of getting pregnant naturally. Also, you are older now.

+1. We thought we would be one of those flukes, so I nursed a year, and then we tried a year, and now I'm older and it a harder road. I'm still in my mid-30s but the difference between early 30s and mid-30s was big for my body...you just never know. If you have coverage, I'd go for it sooner rather than later and minimize regrets.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I'm getting ready to have my 1st via IVF but have already thought about this. Our issue is also male factor. I'm realistic that we are not going to get pregnant on our own and don't even want to give myself that illusion. Figure out what the minimum palatable spacing would be that you could do between kids, and start the process. I plan to start up shortly after my first turns one.

[Anonymous]

Embryo bank while you have ivf coverage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Embryo bank while you have ivf coverage.

Op here - I'm not sure if insurance will cover this...I can check though. Anyone with MDIPA have experience with this?

I don't believe that pregnancy 'resets' my body - the RE said I would have no trouble getting pregnant...spouse getting me pregnant is a different story.

I think, honestly, we would be happy with 1 or two - I don't like the idea of spending all that money on #2 when we know #1 will need it (college among other things).

If I'm OK with 1, should we just forego IVF and see what happens?

I can't go the RE yet - I'm not physically ready (I need to lose weight) and we don't have the money right now to pay for a cycle even if we were ready physically!

This is all just in my head as I watch my guy grow - I think we would be happy with 1 or 2, I just don't want to get caught up in a financial downward spiral for #2 at the expense of #1, if that makes sense.

I know we are SO lucky it worked the first time (IVF w/ ICSI) and I was on basically the lowest dose of possible drugs. But still, seeing my guy not be a tiny newborn is sad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Embryo bank while you have ivf coverage.

Op here - I'm not sure if insurance will cover this...I can check though. Anyone with MDIPA have experience with this?

I don't believe that pregnancy 'resets' my body - the RE said I would have no trouble getting pregnant...spouse getting me pregnant is a different story.

I think, honestly, we would be happy with 1 or two - I don't like the idea of spending all that money on #2 when we know #1 will need it (college among other things).

If I'm OK with 1, should we just forego IVF and see what happens?
I can't go the RE yet - I'm not physically ready (I need to lose weight) and we don't have the money right now to pay for a cycle even if we were ready physically!

This is all just in my head as I watch my guy grow - I think we would be happy with 1 or 2, I just don't want to get caught up in a financial downward spiral for #2 at the expense of #1, if that makes sense.

I know we are SO lucky it worked the first time (IVF w/ ICSI) and I was on basically the lowest dose of possible drugs. But still, seeing my guy not be a tiny newborn is sad!

OP, I think the fact that you are posting these questions at all probably meand you're not yet truly ok with just 1. You might get there, but you're not there now. But as many people have said to you, I think living in the "see what happens" camp is not a great option. Figure out if you want the second kid, figure out your financial situation and how much you can realistically spend on IVF again and not affect your #1 or the rest of your life, and then if after all that you want to do IVF, get cracking and have a plan and do it.

I think if you drift along and "see what happens", you may possibly regret it later.

[Anonymous]

Run, don't walk to your nearest RE. I had one pregnancy no issues at 36. Wanted to wait a year to start trying again. It's been over a year and as a result we have starting testing at SG. The thing is - I thought I would also be "whatever happens, happens" person. But the thought that I may not be able to have another was painful. It made all of DC's milestones more intense knowing we may not get to go through them again. "Whatever happens, happens" is code for "I'm sure I will be pregnant easily on my own. At least it was for me. The longer nothing "happens" the more anxious you may feel. Just my 2 cents.

[Anonymous]

I second every poster above. If you want a sibling for your child, start sooner than later. I am in the boat for 2nd child now and not sure how many IVF I have to go thru before reaching the point to (1) BFP or (2) give up. If time and insurance on your side, then start early!!

[Anonymous]

OP, don't let losing weight stand in the way of going to the RE.

I'd go have a consult in the next couple of months, see what they have to say about how things went the first time, THEN decide. Don't decide without talking to the RE first.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, all - I think it does make sense to try IVF before we move out of the area.

I see the pluses and minuses to one child and two children - I really do. I am OK with one NOW, just worry that I'll change my mind when it's too late!

I'm not even 35 yet, so I have no reason to believe there will be issues on my end. Really. Since all the testing is covered, I can start with that and then go from there and at least that can transfer if we decide to do it again.

This has definitely given me some food for thought.

If we decide to give it another try for a #2, we could wait until pretty close to when we leave the area and the kids would be just over 2 years apart if IVF worked for #2.

[Anonymous]

Unless you are very obese, you can do IVF. This is just an excuse.