A question for Jewish men or women in their 40's

[Anonymous]

I am in my 40's a professional and Episcopalian as is my H. We are both in a field where there are many Jews that we work with. Many of whom are our friends that we socialize/do business with.

What we have found since this whole upheaval in the Middle East is that it has become beyond a hot button topic if it is brought up. My H fully supports Palestine as do I though we do not go talking about it as we are not by nature confrontational people however at a dinner the other night this situation came up and we were both rather startled over how incredibly defensive and almost indignant every single Jew at that table became when a few other non Jews even hinted that Israel was wrong. It was clear they were at that moment wearing their Israeli hat far more than their American one.

We have found over time that Jews in general seem to defend Israel at any cost even if deep deep down they might just not agree with everything they do, it's almost as if its sacrilegious to go against saying something about their mother country. Which brings me to the point of this post......as a Jew do you feel this way? Is it more about your allegiance to Israel bottom line vs. how you really truly feel? It just really seems that way with literally every single Jewish person we know. Now we are finding ourselves especially as of late avoiding social situations with many of them to avoid uncomfortable situation like the other night which is really unfortunate as we really like a number of them sans the politics!

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of Jews suspect that there might be anti semitism behind criticism of Israel esp if it's Jews v. Non Jews. Have you seen what's happening in Europe? Best to stay away from politics at a dinner party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in my 40's a professional and Episcopalian as is my H. We are both in a field where there are many Jews that we work with. Many of whom are our friends that we socialize/do business with.

What we have found since this whole upheaval in the Middle East is that it has become beyond a hot button topic if it is brought up. My H fully supports Palestine as do I though we do not go talking about it as we are not by nature confrontational people however at a dinner the other night this situation came up and we were both rather startled over how incredibly defensive and almost indignant every single Jew at that table became when a few other non Jews even hinted that Israel was wrong. It was clear they were at that moment wearing their Israeli hat far more than their American one.

We have found over time that Jews in general seem to defend Israel at any cost even if deep deep down they might just not agree with everything they do, it's almost as if its sacrilegious to go against saying something about their mother country. Which brings me to the point of this post......as a Jew do you feel this way? Is it more about your allegiance to Israel bottom line vs. how you really truly feel? It just really seems that way with literally every single Jewish person we know. Now we are finding ourselves especially as of late avoiding social situations with many of them to avoid uncomfortable situation like the other night which is really unfortunate as we really like a number of them sans the politics!

No. But I do side-eye people who make sweeping statements about "Jews in general".

Pretty sad that you're avoiding social situations. Why not just say "it's a complicated situation, and thoughtful people can disagree about it" and talk about any one of the thousand other topics out there?

- a Jewish woman in her 40s

[Anonymous]

Terms like "every single Jew" and "Israeli hat" are cringe-inducing. Deep, deep down are you an anti-Semite?

[Anonymous]

This whole post has the ring of the old lead in "some of my best friends . . . ."

[Anonymous]

Also, I don't know too many people who refer to people as " every Jew", " the Jews", as a usual manner of speech. One says, Those who are Jewish. The peole at the table who are Jewish. Just as you wouldn''t say " the blacks at the table" when referring to fellow guests at a dinner party." Our friends who are black", yes. "The blacks", no.

Makes me wonder if this post is real or if you are really as open minded as you claim.

[Anonymous]

The power of anti-Semitism is that it brings Jews together and makes the need for Israel even stronger. I know that not everyone who criticizes Israel is an anti-Semite but it often feels that way.

Also, during times of war, people tend to band together for support. Most jews will support Israel over Hamas. It doesn't mean we support every policy or action, but jews are a family and families stick together.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my mid 30s and in our close circle of friends, we are the only Jews. Everyone is politically conservative so that leads me to believe that they would be more supportive of Israel's right to defeat its enemy, but I cannot be sure. We have a Persian couple in the group who fled with the Shah- no clue how they feel about what's going on and frankly I don't want to know.

This is line in the sand issue for us. While we frequently chat about politics with friends, I hope and pray no one brings it up because, like the op's friends, I don't think we can have a calm, rational discussion about it. I don't think there's a single other issue like this one for us. We can calmly discuss just about anything and agree to disagree but not on this.

There's enough going on at home with immigration and health care that hopefully it won't come up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my mid 30s and in our close circle of friends, we are the only Jews. Everyone is politically conservative so that leads me to believe that they would be more supportive of Israel's right to defeat its enemy, but I cannot be sure. We have a Persian couple in the group who fled with the Shah- no clue how they feel about what's going on and frankly I don't want to know.

This is line in the sand issue for us. While we frequently chat about politics with friends, I hope and pray no one brings it up because, like the op's friends, I don't think we can have a calm, rational discussion about it. I don't think there's a single other issue like this one for us. We can calmly discuss just about anything and agree to disagree but not on this.

There's enough going on at home with immigration and health care that hopefully it won't come up.

Don't forget Ebola! You can always bring that up to change the topic. Only a matter of time until "the Jews" get blamed for that one too, though.

[Anonymous]

I'm the pp. I don't have an allegiance to Israel necessarily but I firmly believe in its founding and wholeheartedly support its right of self preservation. I've only been there once and it was on a birthright- type trip. One day a few kids threw rocks at our tour group. Another day on the way to Rachel's tomb, our armed guard got into a scuffle in the West Bank. I saw firsthand what living next to and surrounded by enemies feels like.

Israel is a beautiful country. Tel Aviv is as modern as New York and Jerusalem brings the three monotheistic religious together under what's mostly peaceful. Muslims and Jews live in peace all over the world.

Israel has bended over backwards its entire existence to make peace with its neighbors. Going at it alone isn't easy but for once, Israel actually has the support of several Muslim countries. Why? Because they recognize that Iran is the real problem and they are frustrated that Hamas is making trouble for the Israelis.

[Anonymous]

Israel is also the only place in the world where jews are guaranteed to be safe. I LOVE America, really love it and do not want to move. But as we can see across Europe, anti-Semitism is on the rise. no one thought it would happen in Germany, in Spain and all the other countries where jews were kicked out of or killed. And anti-Semitism does not distinguish between jews that support Israel and those who don't and those who are observant and those who are atheists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, I don't know too many people who refer to people as " every Jew", " the Jews", as a usual manner of speech. One says, Those who are Jewish. The peole at the table who are Jewish. Just as you wouldn''t say " the blacks at the table" when referring to fellow guests at a dinner party." Our friends who are black", yes. "The blacks", no.

Makes me wonder if this post is real or if you are really as open minded as you claim.

New poster. The Jewish people I know say "Jew." I say "Jewish people," but most I know say "Jew" and "Jews." I don't think that word choice alone is enough to figure out if someone means something bad by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Israel is also the only place in the world where jews are guaranteed to be safe. I LOVE America, really love it and do not want to move. But as we can see across Europe, anti-Semitism is on the rise. no one thought it would happen in Germany, in Spain and all the other countries where jews were kicked out of or killed. And anti-Semitism does not distinguish between jews that support Israel and those who don't and those who are observant and those who are atheists.

Nobody is guaranteed safe anywhere. Israel or otherwise.

[Anonymous]

I am a Jewish man in his 40's who group up fully ensconced in the culture. There is a certain emotional (perhaps illogical or irrational at times) element to it. I don't want to make it sound like Jews are unique - cause they're not - but it's often something that is very difficult to put in to words. It's part the history that we're taught - some would call it a culture of victimhood, some would call it a culture of survival - both are probably right; it's part the fact that the religion is not prosthelytizing, so we don't have a lot of new recruits!; it's part the chosen people nonsense; it's partly that there wasn't a country that was predominantly jewish until 1948; it's part emotional and fuzzy; and many other things I can't think of right. See I can't explain it. But I know it, and it's hard to be totally rational about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Terms like "every single Jew" and "Israeli hat" are cringe-inducing. Deep, deep down are you an anti-Semite?

Yes they are.

Signed,

40-something Reform Jew who is fully supportive of a Palestinian state, is horrified by what Israel is doing now, and was appalled and offended by the tone of your post.