When did the balance tip that made you move to be closer to family?

[Anonymous]

After you had kids. I guess this is only for those who actually are considering this or have done it.

I've been in the DC area since I was 23. Moved after undergrad, have an awesome group of friends who all get along, husbands all get along. Had an absolute blast with these people all through 20s and then getting married and starting families (most have been within the same 5 or so years to do this). A few of my friends have at least one side of their family in the area (grandparents, etc) but more of us are transplants and kind of have each other as family.

Its been great but its also getting so, so much harder to be away from my blood family because we are close and have good relationships. My only sibling lives in another NE big city. Our parents live in a post-cold war, dying industry city in the NE that neither of us will probably ever go back to. So now I keep thinking about relocating to where my sibling is (and is bound to stay because of being married to a local, etc).

But its hard to walk away from what we built here too. And I don't love the cold at ALL! And I do actually like it here. But now I wonder if its enough.

After some time on a family vacation its so sad to me that my kids could end up just with their nuclear family around. Its how much DH was raised but I was the opposite so its hard to wrap my mind around.

We only have 1 child now. I would imagine having 2 would get us even more entrenched.

[Anonymous]

Never. My family is the one I created, not the one I came from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never. My family is the one I created, not the one I came from.

OP. I get this, I've seen it in action and I am glad that you have created your loving family. But also hoping to hear from those who have done the move, have a different situation. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I grew up an Army brat and never lived near grandparents or relatives. It kinda stinks. My parent's last post was DC area so I stayed, went to college, got a job, married and have kids. My parents moved back to their hometown in the midwest in the rust belt, no great jobs/schools like here. We visit a few times a year but I never want to move to that area. In-laws live in midwest as well. We just have to accept that visits is how it will be unless inlaws or my parents have to move in with us or near us if they can no longer live alone, which may happen sooner or later.

[Anonymous]

Careful moving for sibs - they might move too! I frequently think about moving closer to ours, but nearly all of both of our siblings have moved for jobs unexpectedly at some point.

[Anonymous]

We moved back to the Akron Ohio area for 2 reasons.

1.) We both worked in healthcare and our salaries weren't going to go down much (less than 5%) even though the cost of living went down about 30 percent
2.) My husband is one of 5 and my kids are now growing up around 12 first cousins.

I miss DC but not enough to move back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We moved back to the Akron Ohio area for 2 reasons.

1.) We both worked in healthcare and our salaries weren't going to go down much (less than 5%) even though the cost of living went down about 30 percent
2.) My husband is one of 5 and my kids are now growing up around 12 first cousins.

I miss DC but not enough to move back.

OP here- the oldest of 14 first cousins with all but 3 growing up in the same area. Most of us made it for the vacation and it was amazing to watch my cousins who are dudes in their early 20s want to play with my little one. I wasn't like that even at that age, but they are very into family. I credit their parents.

Thanks for the PPs advice about moving for siblings. I think about that too- it would be weird to have them move away then! But my sister is married to someone who is so firmly entrenched with the inlaws they aren't going anywhere. Also, there is a big personal reason that they wouldn't move, but I don't want to get off topic too much.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it in your situation. I'd be thinking about whether it would make sense for your parents to move closer to you, or if that's something they wouldn't consider. I'd budget for a lot of back and forth travel, but I wouldn't uproot a good life here to be near one sibling in a place you don't want to be with your parents still far away.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. I'm a single mom with a beautiful DC, thriving career, great friends. I love the area.

But it's expensive. And lonely sometimes (family all live elsewhere). And kind of a rat race. My schedule is like a house of cards that I constantly manage, as there's only one of me. Parents live in a big-ish city in the Midwest and are dying to help me with DC. For what I pay for my 2 bdrm condo here, I'd have a nice 3 bdrm house with great public schools in a walkable neighborhood near my folks, who'd watch DC daily if I asked.

I think about it pretty frequently, these days.

[Anonymous]

For us, the balance tipped but there was no family to move to be near. We muddle through as best we can and hire out whatever we can afford.

[Anonymous]

I never moved too far away and wanted my parents close. For help with childcare and so I could care for them when they are older. It was something we discussed prior to marriage. I love having the extra help. My oldest stayed with my mother when I had my youngest.

I had complications with my first child and was bedridden for two weeks. So glad my parents were there to help me with our child. My DH wouldn't have survived newborn childcare on his own. And caring for me.

His parents (divorced]) moved to our town because of their failing health.

[Anonymous]

I moved my parents here instead. Is that an option? It's really great -- my kids have grandparents around. And my siblings come to visit more often since our parents are here now, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never. My family is the one I created, not the one I came from.

OP. I get this, I've seen it in action and I am glad that you have created your loving family. But also hoping to hear from those who have done the move, have a different situation. Thanks.

OP, I completely understand. My situation is different, because I'm from the DC area and moved away for a longterm assignment. I miss having extended family around...my colleagues have made condescending comments about my "need" to visit home regularly, but I think they were raised differently. Having a nanny or family friends is no replacement for weekends with aunts/uncles/cousins or going to my see grandparents after work/school. My family is still close today because of how we were raised. We are moving back to DC next summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved back to the Akron Ohio area for 2 reasons.

1.) We both worked in healthcare and our salaries weren't going to go down much (less than 5%) even though the cost of living went down about 30 percent
2.) My husband is one of 5 and my kids are now growing up around 12 first cousins.

I miss DC but not enough to move back.

OP here- the oldest of 14 first cousins with all but 3 growing up in the same area. Most of us made it for the vacation and it was amazing to watch my cousins who are dudes in their early 20s want to play with my little one. I wasn't like that even at that age, but they are very into family. I credit their parents.

Thanks for the PPs advice about moving for siblings. I think about that too- it would be weird to have them move away then! But my sister is married to someone who is so firmly entrenched with the inlaws they aren't going anywhere. Also, there is a big personal reason that they wouldn't move, but I don't want to get off topic too much.

This is a huge part of the equation right here. A lot of people could not make what they make here outside of DC. So many lawyers, lobbyists, feds, etc are attached to the DC area for better or worst.

[Anonymous]

I too went to DC around 23 years old, stayed for 10 years - got married, had a kid, got pregnant with #2. My two siblings ended up moving to DC during the time I was there as well and they got married and started having kids. Youngest one moved to South Carolina last year and the other one moved out close to WV for work so I was left here with my immediate family and really missed them. My dad has a place near the younger sibling and DH and I were so ready to make a decision to move - so we did.

My siblings and I are very close and DH isn't from this country and doesn't have family here. So we moved a couple months ago to South Carolina and could not be happier - it's cheaper, no traffic and best of all, my kids get to grow up with their cousins, who live five minutes away. I get to see my dad more than a few times a year and DH and mine's job were able to transfer here. Family is super important so hence our decision to get out of DC. I don't miss it at all. My mom died eight years ago and everything changed - it was so hard and still is. If she was alive, she would have moved to be close to her kids and grandkids or we would have moved to be close to her. My DH and kids and my family are so important to me and I don't want to miss anything because we didn't make the decision to move to be closer together (but that's just me - everyone's relationship with their families are different).

Good luck with your decision OP!