I barked at my mom. I feel terrible.

[Anonymous]

Whenever she visits, she rearranges things in my house to what she thinks is the correct way. Usually, I just put it back after she leaves, but today, I barked at her and told her to put it back. I feel awful. It's not like she's rearranging furniture, but she'll move floor mats, reorganize clothes in the drawer, etc. It's really not a huge deal, but it can create headaches trying to find things after she leaves since items have been moved.

[Anonymous]

Hah, my mom moves everyone's stuff around too! We are all mystified by it and it's a big family joke. (To be fair, she moves her own stuff around too, and can't find it half the time. My dad says she's like a squirrel who forgets where she stored her nuts ). I'm sure I've barked at her for it, too. It hurts her feelings and then I say sorry and then she forgives me. Sometimes she barks at me and I get over it too. The circle of life... Just say sorry and keep reminding her on her visits to not do that anymore. It won't help, but you can always try!

[Anonymous]

Sorry. That would really annoy me too.

[Anonymous]

OP here. She left this morning. I just wish I could have held my tongue and just moved the stuff back after she left. Annoyed with myself.

[Anonymous]

You need to view each other as peers. The mothering is over. You are equal adults now. She does not "know what's better". You need to tell her this.

[Anonymous]

You should come up with a project for her to "help" you with next time she is down. maybe putting up/taking down next season's clothes, organizing the pantry.....just like dealing with a toddler, keep her busy.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your Mom hasn't listened to basic requests not to re-arrange your things, I think it's ok to go a little beyond what you'd normally consider polite to have her stop. It's your home, not hers, and it's not her place.

[Anonymous]

Let go of the guilt, OP.

Why on earth would you feel terrible if you had told her multiple times to stop?

I get the whole "respect your parents" thing. But come on.

[Anonymous]

Just apologize. Own up to the fact that you overreacted to a small annoyance. Acknowledge that you know she was just trying to help but you have things the way you want them. If you always change thongs back after she leaves, she had no way of knowing you do not appreciate her "help." People cannot be mind readers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just apologize. Own up to the fact that you overreacted to a small annoyance. Acknowledge that you know she was just trying to help but you have things the way you want them. If you always change thongs back after she leaves, she had no way of knowing you do not appreciate her "help." People cannot be mind readers!

+1 Apologize to her and ask her why she does this

[Anonymous]

Glue down whatever she normally moves the next time she comes for a visit.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I've asked her countless times not to move things. In recent years, I only say it halfheartedly since I've come to accept that she isn't going to change her ways. I used to get pretty worked up about it, but find that I'm much less upset about it now that I have no real expectations of change.

[Anonymous]

Say sorry and move on. Mothers and daughters always bicker, but you need to make sure the good outweighs the bad. Your mom will be gone one day and you want to remember treating her with love and respect.

[Anonymous]

You must be in the dog house now.

[Anonymous]

Why should OP apologize? Her mother continued doing something she'd been asked for years not to do, and which bothered OP for years. What is stopping her from continuing? If people don't make it clear they are getting more and more upset when using a normal tone of voice isn't working, what is OP supposed to do?