MIL and feeding issue
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Anonymous
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I feed DD similar BLW and she is doing great. To other, she doesn't seem to eat as much as or spoon fed in one meal, properly because food are separated and add to her bowl when she needs more. I want DD to feed herself and she is pretty good with that. If she stops feeding herself and there is food left in the bowl, I won't feed her. I want DD learn to recognize when she is full and done without "1 more spoon force" (if you know what I am talking about). However, when my MIL comes for dinner , she always spoon feed her if she doesn't show the interest in the food (MIL's food, she cooks and brings it over), even when DD already ate some food and not interested in it anymore. DD is very easy with feeding, she opens her mouth if you try to feed her and sometime if could end up with vomiting because she is too full. I tried/implied/demonstrate how I feed DD all the time she has meal with us. I refused to feed DD her food sometime with explanation that DD is full or just have some food or she is going to have dinner soon. I feel like MIL doesn't listen when she recently come over to the homecare house to feed DD and not letting me know at all. (DD is sent to home care that is essentially 3 house away from MIL's, and the care lady is pretty easy going. She is happy that grandma comes over playing with DD and feeds her food but she has the same problem as I do that MIL is kind of forcing DD to eat/drink sometime even when DD refused it - that is how I know about this)
Should I just be more direct to MIL? What is the proper way to talk to MIL without making her feel bad or upset (although I don't think what to upset about her). It is not that I don't want DD eat her food, I fed DD her a lot when she comes. |
Anonymous
| Yes, be more direct. I also don't buy that the daycare owner is happy about your mil dropping by all the time. |
Anonymous
Agree with both of these points. Also, since it MIL, it should be your spouse delivering this message. |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry but your daycare provider should not be allowing that unless you oked it, and clearly it's not ok with you |
Anonymous
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Your MIL went behind your back b/c you sound like a control freak about the feeding issue at home. You also sound like a bit of a control freak about the feeding issue as well.
I agree with you not to force feed a baby but you can't always rely on them to self feed. Spoon feeding her a few bites isn't going to hurt her. Your MIL is trying to bond with her and you're not letting her. Let her feed her once in a while. Sheesh. |
Anonymous
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Why is MIL driving 3 hrs to see her at daycare? Do you not let her see the child on the weekends? If you really don't want MIL to see child at daycare then change her to a center based daycare. They have strict rules about who is allowed inside and will not let her in. The home based lady will not tell her no- it is pretty hard to do that with someone who shows up at your door, is insistent, and is somebody you already have rapport with.
OTOH, I think you have some issues around food and need to calm the fuck down. |
Anonymous
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OP here. First of all, thanks for all your response. You don't need to use swear words here. I read all the comments and take it as advices. How do you feel if some one swear at your for asking advices?
MIL is not 3 hrs away from the daycare, it is 3 HOUSE away. They are neighbour. She sees us every week. I don't have problem with her feeding DD when DD is hungry. I just don't like she keeps telling DD "eat more" when DD is not interesting in food anymore or even when DD shows signs that she doesn't want to eat anymore. If MIL comes once a month, I will not post this. But she comes to see us every week and see DD at daycare every other day if not every day. I don't think she needs to be bond with DD through feeding. I can't change daycare due to numerous reason and I don't want MIL think I don't want her to see DD. But I don't want her to do this too often and that can make the lady not comfortable. |
Anonymous
I would just tell her the doctor says the new advice is to let kids determine how much they eat. Any time I want to tell someone to do/not do something with my children, I blame it on the doctor 
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Anonymous
Take the bull by the horns. She should have at least asked first, both you and the daycare provider. "MIL, we don't want you to be dropping by DD's daycare without notice to us and the daycare provider. It's not fair to the daycare provider to disrupt her day. Maybe you can come, with pre-arrangment, for a special occasion, but the drop-ins need to stop." And, then, in the moment, be more direct about the feeding. "No need to feed her, she's eaten recently, so we'll save this for later." "MIL, put down the spoon. We're letting DD learn to feed herself and stop when she's full." The bringing food over, unless it's for the whole family and not just DD, would peeve me, and I basically just wouldn't ever let MIL feed DD. Get on the same page with DH on this, so all you really should have to say is, "No thanks, we've got it." |
Anonymous
| I would have had the foresight to not choose a babysitter three doors down from MIL, |
Anonymous
OP here. I didn't foresee it honestly. This is DC1 and we were rush to get daycare when the plan for DD care wasn't happen at the last minute and it was grateful that MIL found this place. I thought it was good that the daycare is close to her house and she can check on DD sometimes or provide emergency pickup/care to DD. It is probably a bad choice. 
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Anonymous
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I would look for another babysitter.
In the meantime, I would be direct. You can say it kindly at first "MIL, I think she's all done now. You can feed her more if she's hungry later." and if she ignores you, "I said that's enough." and pick up your child. Seriously, kids can't speak up for themselves, so it's the parents job to do it. My father was trying to spoon feed my healthy weight FOUR YEAR OLD, who didn't want to try the guacamole we'd gotten. I snapped at him, because we respect boundaries in my house (in large part because my parents never did). |
Anonymous
| Yes, look for another babysitter. Of course your boundary-challenged MIL "found" her for you...found a way to be overly involved in your lives is more like it! |
Anonymous
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BLW has nothing to do with it. We did purees, like most people, and did none of this "one more bite" nonsense.
Your MIL may be thinking that your DD is unable to feed herself as much as she needs. Does your DD open her mouth willingly when a spoon comes at her? If so maybe she is hungry. The daycare thing is ridiculous. |
Anonymous
| Have DH talk to her directly. Long term look for new child care. Sometimes I use the dr as an excuse too, "our pediatrician says to look for cues when DD is done eating to avoid over feeding...." |