11 year old boy with anxiety very reluctant to start therapy

[Anonymous]

He went to one session and refused to return for individual or group. He says it just makes him more anxious. He has an appointment scheduled today and we won't physically force him to go. I assume many kids his age don't want to go to therapy. So how do you get them there?

[Anonymous]

One session is really not enough for him to say. And the thing about therapy for anxiety and depression is that in order to work it does sometimes make you more anxious because you have to talk about your anxieties. I would tell him that. He needs to be realistic and understand the process. It's not like instant relief.

Can you also discuss with him other things he's learned to like or tried more than once and liked better? Camp? Lessons? Can you bribe him to go back? I would also call the therapist and let him/her know what is going on.

[Anonymous]

Maybe a good self-help book to start with. That might get him to understand what it's all about? There are some workbooks you could work through with him. Maybe offer that as an alternative?

[Anonymous]

It could get worse before it gets better. Does he want to get better, or does he want to keep living like this? His choice.

[Anonymous]

Did you mention this to the therapist?

I don't think many kids like going to the therapist, but maybe you can arrange a deal with him for 10 sessions b/f deciding to do something different.

If he still doesn't want to do therapy then brainstorming some strategies to address the anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could get worse before it gets better. Does he want to get better, or does he want to keep living like this? His choice.

Do you really want to give an 11-year-old that choice? He can't understand the ramifications.

[Anonymous]

And yes, you should be emailing/calling the therapist and he/she can help you figure out how to handle this.

[Anonymous]

I have heard that the Turnaround CDs are very gols for kids anxiety. I haven't tried them but plan to do it for my son.
It may 'soften' him for the therapist, or just help overall.
Look it up on Amazon, but they are cheaper on the author's website.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could get worse before it gets better. Does he want to get better, or does he want to keep living like this? His choice.

Do you really want to give an 11-year-old that choice? He can't understand the ramifications.

Unfortunately, I think an 11 year old would understand and if he already has anxiety, I definitely wouldn't address the issue this way. I think he'd be stressed out even more.

[Anonymous]

He's gotta go. Talk to the therapist about how to get him there. My dd didn't like it at first but now loves it, she can save up her issue for her counselor and the safe place of that space. It has helped the whole family.

[Anonymous]

I think it's hard to get a kid with anxiety to do anything, but he doesn't get a choice in this. If he were sick, you wouldn't let him refuse treatment because it was scary for him, right? This is the same. FWIW, CBT has been hugely helpful to my son with anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Also - just a side note. You say you "won't physically force him." Which is understandable, but as my kid's therapist has explained, giving choices like that (saying to the kid "You don't have to go if it's too awful for you" is in effect like saying, "We don't believe you can do it" or "It is actually very scary and deep down we agree that it is too risky." You are sort of playing into his fears and may be exacerbating the situation. I would consult the therapist but I think that offering the choice is in itself anxiety provoking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could get worse before it gets better. Does he want to get better, or does he want to keep living like this? His choice.

Do you really want to give an 11-year-old that choice? He can't understand the ramifications.

Unfortunately, I think an 11 year old would understand and if he already has anxiety, I definitely wouldn't address the issue this way. I think he'd be stressed out even more.

+1

BTDT. You haven't lived as a parent until you've had a child jump out of a moving (okay very low speed) car on the way to an appointment that is inducing anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Original poster here. Well, he refused to go, so did not go. He read some of the workbook we bought last month. He says he is fine, and if things get worse when school starts up, he will go then.

I suspect it will get worse before it gets better and we will be there for him when he agrees to therapy. In the meantime, we will be supportive, but not pander to his little anxious issues.

[Anonymous]

That's too bad OP, because with anxiety you need to stay ahead of the game. By the time school starts and he gets going with anxiety, he may really be in a bad way. I think you should stay on him about this.