11 year old boy with anxiety very reluctant to start therapy

[Anonymous]

Have you tried medication? For some adults with anxiety disorders, CBT isn't enough and they need medication to lessen their anxiety enough to get therapy, CBT, etc. to work.

[Anonymous]

I don't think treating him is pandering. I think pandering is allowing him not to go to therapy because it makes him anxious. You could offer a different therapist, perhaps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Original poster here. Well, he refused to go, so did not go. He read some of the workbook we bought last month. He says he is fine, and if things get worse when school starts up, he will go then.

I suspect it will get worse before it gets better and we will be there for him when he agrees to therapy. In the meantime, we will be supportive, but not pander to his little anxious issues.

That's good at least.

[Anonymous]

I am saying this as someone with a lot of experience and someone who is trying only to be helpful. Just consider it please objectively. I think what you need to do is figure out how you can set better limits with your child. There are very few things more scary for a child than feeling like *they* are in control and *the parent* is not. It is no wonder they are anxious. I know it is difficult in so many ways, but learning how to set proper limits with your child is probably the best thing you can do for anxiety. There are lots of book on it, or you can talk to a therapist yourself. Don't take it from me; just ask your therapist "Do you think if I was able to set better limits, would my child be less anxious?" and see what the therapist says. Your child will feel more calm inside once he/she knows that there is some order to the world and he/she is not in charge. That is a very scary feeling to a child. Yes there are biological and societal influences to anxiety, but there's a lot you can do by changing your own behavior as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Is it the therapy or the therapist? Our DD is younger, but the therapy definitely made her worse, and, in my opinion, I felt like the therapist had a template for working with kids and it wasn't an approach that worked with my DD. We pulled my DD after six weeks.

There is no question that my DD still has anxiety, but I don't think -- for her -- that talking about it helps. We've now gone two weeks without a breakdown; that might not seem like much to some people, but it is a huge breakthrough for us.

We have decided to take off the summer from therapy and to see how things go the first few months of school before going further. I thought that I did lots of research before finding a therapist, but now that we've been to one, I feel better armed to ask the "right" questions.

For the rest of the summer, we are doing lots of yoga (I hate yoga), eating and sleeping well. I also have made a real effort to have family breakfast and dinner together every day (my job is very flexible in the summer).

So in short, yes, your son may need to be in therapy, but if he hates going and feels worse, maybe it isn't the right therapist for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it the therapy or the therapist? Our DD is younger, but the therapy definitely made her worse, and, in my opinion, I felt like the therapist had a template for working with kids and it wasn't an approach that worked with my DD. We pulled my DD after six weeks.

There is no question that my DD still has anxiety, but I don't think -- for her -- that talking about it helps. We've now gone two weeks without a breakdown; that might not seem like much to some people, but it is a huge breakthrough for us.

We have decided to take off the summer from therapy and to see how things go the first few months of school before going further. I thought that I did lots of research before finding a therapist, but now that we've been to one, I feel better armed to ask the "right" questions.

For the rest of the summer, we are doing lots of yoga (I hate yoga), eating and sleeping well. I also have made a real effort to have family breakfast and dinner together every day (my job is very flexible in the summer).

So in short, yes, your son may need to be in therapy, but if he hates going and feels worse, maybe it isn't the right therapist for him.

I agree with this. Our therapist said the last think we want is for our DS to resent being forced to do therapy. You want this to be a positive experience and something he'll be willing to do throughout his life experiences.

[Anonymous]

My teenage daughter is in a similar boat as OP's son. She has had 3 sessions with her therapist. My daughter doesn't see the point and as a parent, I am also internally questioning what is the long term goal for these sessions if the sessions are only adding to her stress and anxiety. I am thinking our therapist is just not a good fit for my daughter's needs and instead of giving up, perhaps do more research and find a place that is a better fit.