If your spouse cheated many years ago...

[Anonymous]

And you went through the counseling, worked it out, and stayed together did they ever cheat again?

[Anonymous]

DH and I worked it out (without counseling) and I have not and do not plan on ever cheating again. I understand now that it was an incredibly hurtful and immature way of fighting certain difficult events that happened at that time in my life.

[Anonymous]

Yes. With the same woman.

[Anonymous]

I suppose it's possible that DH gas cheated again without my knowing, but I really don't think he has. In almost every way, we have a better marriage now than we did back then. My DH seems completely devoted to me and the kids.

Affair was almost 20 years ago. He worked really hard to help put our marriage back again. Really, really hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
DH and I worked it out (without counseling) and I have not and do not plan on ever cheating again. I understand now that it was an incredibly hurtful and immature way of fighting certain difficult events that happened at that time in my life.

Ditto for me. DH here.

[Anonymous]

Did not cheat again... 11 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
DH and I worked it out (without counseling) and I have not and do not plan on ever cheating again. I understand now that it was an incredibly hurtful and immature way of fighting certain difficult events that happened at that time in my life.

In all seriousness... You didn't understand that at the time? I've always been under the impression cheaters are fully aware what they're doing is hurtful Nd basically avoidance but just didn't care at the time or thought they wouldn't get caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
DH and I worked it out (without counseling) and I have not and do not plan on ever cheating again. I understand now that it was an incredibly hurtful and immature way of fighting certain difficult events that happened at that time in my life.

In all seriousness... You didn't understand that at the time? I've always been under the impression cheaters are fully aware what they're doing is hurtful Nd basically avoidance but just didn't care at the time or thought they wouldn't get caught.

NP here. It's one thing to understand that in the abstract and another to experience it for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
DH and I worked it out (without counseling) and I have not and do not plan on ever cheating again. I understand now that it was an incredibly hurtful and immature way of fighting certain difficult events that happened at that time in my life.

In all seriousness... You didn't understand that at the time? I've always been under the impression cheaters are fully aware what they're doing is hurtful Nd basically avoidance but just didn't care at the time or thought they wouldn't get caught.

NP here. It's one thing to understand that in the abstract and another to experience it for yourself.

That's it exactly. When you're hurting bad on the inside, it becomes easier to "abstractualize" things, or maybe rationalize would be a better word.

[Anonymous]

Yes, ex cheated again within 10 months. Even though he was the one that begged me not to kick him out and that he wanted to work things out.

The only good thing I can say about trying to work things out with him after the first incident is that, in the end, it enabled me to end the relationship definitively without any feelings of guilt on my part or any looking backwards or self-doubt. That made moving forward with my kids much easier for me. I never look back and wonder if I should have "tried harder" or done something different.

Of course, I bought my current piece of mind at the cost of 2 1/2 years of enduring a really fucked up situation......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
DH and I worked it out (without counseling) and I have not and do not plan on ever cheating again. I understand now that it was an incredibly hurtful and immature way of fighting certain difficult events that happened at that time in my life.

In all seriousness... You didn't understand that at the time? I've always been under the impression cheaters are fully aware what they're doing is hurtful Nd basically avoidance but just didn't care at the time or thought they wouldn't get caught.

I'm PP you responded to.
I have no excuse.
I was 25, had just had a special needs baby that needed massive amounts of therapies, my boss wanted me to work every day (including weekends) until 10pm, and my husband was NOT SUPPORTIVE. He refused to seek help for the baby, refused to go to counseling, and hardly lifted a finger in the house.
I clung to the one person who offered emotional support and who listened. It spiraled down from there, and I was within a hair's breadth of divorcing.
Again, these are not excuses. However, my husband did recognize that he had a role to play there. Sometimes there are single-handed cheaters. Other times, it's a two-way street.

We are doing much better because we both learned something.