Is it wrong to stay with someone (not married) for sex only?

[Anonymous]

I am a professional woman, 42 divorced for about 4 years. Met someone by fluke last year he is quite a bit younger. He is total eye candy but not husband material. He is in construction and we are from different worlds. However sex with him is just beyond. No words, crazy good. You get the picture. I know this is not going anywhere yet I cannot seem to stay away. I feel guilty, wrong and maybe that I am leading him on. We have talked a little about the future and i told him I have no desire to get married again at least not for a long time. (and to him, never).

I get asked out by men who are more my equal (white collar professional men) and while there are some lovely decent men, they are often so boring and predictable. Next to them my current fling is a firecracker. The thing is I doubt anyone can hold a candle to him in "that dept" but at what point do I need to get real an start focusing on more than going to bed with a wonderful lover. I don't want to wake up at 55 alone and have no one by my side. On the other hand I dont' think I can give up what I have. Help me, go gently please. I know you all can be tough!

[Anonymous]

OP you sound insufferable. I wonder if he knows he's only good enough to fuck you. Sheesh...Definitely let him go so you can find your "white collar professional" equal. You certainly deserve your version of happiness with one.

[Anonymous]

You are too old...

[Anonymous]

Why does it matter if he is in construction?

If it is only a fling, let him know this. Then he can take his talent to a woman who truly appreciates it if he is looking for more than a fling.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP,

I am using you for sex. You aren't good enough to marry but the sex is AWESOME. As soon as I find someone worthy of marriage, I plan on dumping you.

[Anonymous]

Just enjoy the ride, OP, but say nothing misleading to him. It's only fair that you make it clear that you do not intend to become serious with him. You don't have to be offensive or make him feel like you think you're too good for him, either. Just appreciate what he is. He's probably thinking or will realize that you're too old for him to get serious with, but he's enjoying you as much as you enjoy him. I don't see anything wrong with that if both sides are clear about it.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. It's not wrong to continue as long as you are both clear about your intentions. If you are letting him believe that there is more of a future, you are being selfish and callous. On the other hand, if you are both enjoying the sex -- and he is okay with the relationship not heading anywhere -- keep on enjoying. If you are not exclusive, you can date and keep looking for someone who brings more to the table.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I'm sure your blue collar lover is sharing is skills with with ten other women too. If you're just fucking him you should pay him for it since you are treating him like a whore.

[Anonymous]

You people are being unnecessarily harsh. OP, as long as you are honest about it, it is not wrong at all. Two consenting adults having fun. Lighten up people.

[Anonymous]

I know one married guy that would probably like to be in his shoes!

[Anonymous]

Are you Samantha from Sex in the City?

[Anonymous]

He doesn't deserve you, op. He deserves to be with someone who sees him as their equal, not someone who looks down on him because he's blue collar. You are using him.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're going to get attached. lol

[Anonymous]

First, there are some "lovely decent men" who are white collar professionals and also amazing lovers. Don't judge a book by its cover.

Second, are you emotionally ready to be in a long-term relationship? If so, my view is that you need to be open to having a relationship for it to happen, and so long as you're fooling around with this guy that's not going to happen.

Third, sounds like he may be wanting more than you, and if so it's unfair to string him along.

-Signed, another 40-something divorced woman in the dating scene