DH expects me to be his personal shopper

[Anonymous]

When DH and I decided who would do what when we moved in together, we decided that I would be the one to do our food/household shopping.
I also cook all of our meals.
I plan meals and cook 5-6 nights out of the week. The other nights we eat leftovers or will go out to dinner. I work full-time + out of the home and I pack a lunch every day. DH works from home and I make a lunch for him.
DH eats like a horse and snacks throughout the day. I always make sure to have plenty of food for him to eat...fresh fruit, nuts, cut-up veggies, chips and salsa, fruit snacks, muffins...you name it.
I make a list and shop every Saturday morning and while we aren't broke, we definitely have to stick to a budget. Our weekly grocery budget is gone in that first trip. I very, very rarely have to make a second trip to the store, as I make sure to get everything we need.
DH is constantly bugging me to go to the store because "there is nothing to eat."
Our refrigerator, freezer and pantry are FULL. All he has to do is heat up his lunch. Everything else is done for him.
I ask him every week what he wants and his response is always "you know what I like." I buy what he likes, do all his cooking and he still gripes.
He raves about my cooking, so I know that's not the issue. I also cook a wide variety of meals and buy different types of snacks every week.
We already spend a good bit on groceries and I don't have time during the week to make extra grocery store trips. I tell him that if he wants something, he can go to the store himself to buy it. He never does.
What is his deal? Anyone else's husband do this.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like an asshole. Uh, if he wants to go to the store for something, he can get it himself.

[Anonymous]

What's his deal? He's a big baby who's treating you like your his mother and not his wife. Time for a come to Jesus talk, sister.

[Anonymous]

O.O

Stop being a doormat and enabling this ridiculous behavior. Husband can cut up his own damn veggies. If he's too lazy to do that, he can stay hungry.

Why do women put up with this shit?

[Anonymous]

What is his deal? Anyone else's husband do this.

Um no. I do most of the cooking, but I definitely do not pack DH's lunch or provide him snacks. And he does the shopping most of the time.


BTW: We kind of have a rule in the house: if you complain about the way your spouse is handling a particular task, you are welcome to either take over that task to your satisfaction or STFU. The only gray area is child rearing--there we try to come to agreement on how to handle tricky issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What is his deal? Anyone else's husband do this.

Um no. I do most of the cooking, but I definitely do not pack DH's lunch or provide him snacks. And he does the shopping most of the time.


BTW: We kind of have a rule in the house: if you complain about the way your spouse is handling a particular task, you are welcome to either take over that task to your satisfaction or STFU. The only gray area is child rearing--there we try to come to agreement on how to handle tricky issues.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you're his mommy.

New house rule - whatever he wants to eat for the week, he writes down on the shopping list by Saturday morning (before you leave for the store). If he forgets or changes his mind, his problem to solve.

And he makes his own damn lunch and snacks.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I most certainly am not a doormat. I make DH's lunch because I want to. He does plenty of kind things for me because he loves me.
When he says this, I tell him he is welcome to do it himself. This usually shuts him up. It's just aggravating.

[Anonymous]

I'm a DH. I do about 90% of the cooking and all of the shopping. Yes, I "know what she likes", but there is a shopping list on the fridge. If it isn't one of the planned meals, she has to put a note on the shopping list. She can put "snacks" and I'll look at what's on sale that she sometimes eats and get that. If she wants something specific, she has to put it down. I take my phone and snap a photo of the shopping list before I go. I refer to that. If she didn't put it on the list, she can walk down to the store and buy it herself or wait until the next shopping trip. With 2 kids, I don't have time to do extra shopping trips because she didn't put it on the list.

And I don't make her lunches. She is welcome to put "lunchmeat" "fruit" even "lunch supplies" on the list and I'll get supplies for her to make lunches. But otherwise, she's on her own for lunches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I most certainly am not a doormat. I make DH's lunch because I want to. He does plenty of kind things for me because he loves me.
When he says this, I tell him he is welcome to do it himself. This usually shuts him up. It's just aggravating.

Well you asked what his deal was leading everyone to think this was a problem for you. If it's aggravating but you know how to handle it why are you here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I most certainly am not a doormat. I make DH's lunch because I want to. He does plenty of kind things for me because he loves me.
When he says this, I tell him he is welcome to do it himself. This usually shuts him up. It's just aggravating.

Well you asked what his deal was leading everyone to think this was a problem for you. If it's aggravating but you know how to handle it why are you here?

I came here to ask for advice, not to be called 'doormat.' If you have constructive advice, please do offer it.
I also eat the cut fruits/veggies. It's not like I'm some dense, oblivious twit who slaves away in the kitchen for her mean husband.
There really is no need to call me names.

[Anonymous]

This is DCUM...so we know what the answers will be:

- Your husband is an asshole
- Your husband doesn't appreciate you
- Find a good lawyer and leave him

[Anonymous]

This is what I would do. I would tell him going forward he is doing the shopping if you are doing the cooking. You will provide him a list of things to get for the meals you make and the snacks you want in the house. Then while he is at the store, he can grab whatever extras he wants so there is food in the house. As long as you stick to the budget.

Watch how fast his tune changes.

I always do the shopping. GF always does the cooking. I always clean up after dinner. She gets our daughter ready for bed. Both work FT out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I most certainly am not a doormat. I make DH's lunch because I want to. He does plenty of kind things for me because he loves me.
When he says this, I tell him he is welcome to do it himself. This usually shuts him up. It's just aggravating.

Well you asked what his deal was leading everyone to think this was a problem for you. If it's aggravating but you know how to handle it why are you here?

I came here to ask for advice, not to be called 'doormat.' If you have constructive advice, please do offer it.
I also eat the cut fruits/veggies. It's not like I'm some dense, oblivious twit who slaves away in the kitchen for her mean husband.
There really is no need to call me names.

NP here, you ARE a doormat, you make a lunch for him when he is home anyway. You cut up vegetable... Wow...
That sound crazy.

[Anonymous]

Sounds