ExH lies about location of children

[Anonymous]

My ex lies about everything. I've discovered recently that he lied about vacation with the kids, where the kids are sleeping at night, etc.

Anyone have experience navigating these issues?

[Anonymous]

What does your custody agreement say? Does he have to clear vacations with you? Did he take the children out of state with out your knowledge ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your custody agreement say? Does he have to clear vacations with you? Did he take the children out of state with out your knowledge ?

The current document doesn't say anything about lying about location. What could a document say?

He lied about taking the kids out of state, yes. He lied about where they were staying. He lied about what they were doing.

[Anonymous]

So sorry, OP. I know the feeling. My mentally ill ex took a train or bus to Boston with DD when she was a preschooler and then slept in the station for a night because he couldn't afford a hotel. I still haven't figured out the entire story, but she thought it as a huge adventure at the time! I feigned happiness for her, but I was really just relieved she was home safe and sound.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. I know the feeling. My mentally ill ex took a train or bus to Boston with DD when she was a preschooler and then slept in the station for a night because he couldn't afford a hotel. I still haven't figured out the entire story, but she thought it as a huge adventure at the time! I feigned happiness for her, but I was really just relieved she was home safe and sound.

From a custody standpoint was there anything you could do? Anything that can be done to prevent future such incidents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your custody agreement say? Does he have to clear vacations with you? Did he take the children out of state with out your knowledge ?

The current document doesn't say anything about lying about location. What could a document say?

He lied about taking the kids out of state, yes. He lied about where they were staying. He lied about what they were doing.

I think what pp is getting at is there anything that states kids cannot go out of state without your permission, kid cannot stay anywhere but ex'a place, etc. Basically anything that you can use to show he violated the terms of custody. Lying to you but not violating the terms is a dick move and you probably can't do much about it. Lying and violating terms....you can take him
To court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your custody agreement say? Does he have to clear vacations with you? Did he take the children out of state with out your knowledge ?

The current document doesn't say anything about lying about location. What could a document say?

He lied about taking the kids out of state, yes. He lied about where they were staying. He lied about what they were doing.

I think what pp is getting at is there anything that states kids cannot go out of state without your permission, kid cannot stay anywhere but ex'a place, etc. Basically anything that you can use to show he violated the terms of custody. Lying to you but not violating the terms is a dick move and you probably can't do much about it. Lying and violating terms....you can take him
To court.

Yes, understood. Custody is not finalized so I appreciate the above ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. I know the feeling. My mentally ill ex took a train or bus to Boston with DD when she was a preschooler and then slept in the station for a night because he couldn't afford a hotel. I still haven't figured out the entire story, but she thought it as a huge adventure at the time! I feigned happiness for her, but I was really just relieved she was home safe and sound.

From a custody standpoint was there anything you could do? Anything that can be done to prevent future such incidents?

We went to mediation after that and now there is a clause that he can only take her to 4 neighboring states w/o my prior permission and he has to give me the address of the home or hotel. No more sleeping in stations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. I know the feeling. My mentally ill ex took a train or bus to Boston with DD when she was a preschooler and then slept in the station for a night because he couldn't afford a hotel. I still haven't figured out the entire story, but she thought it as a huge adventure at the time! I feigned happiness for her, but I was really just relieved she was home safe and sound.

From a custody standpoint was there anything you could do? Anything that can be done to prevent future such incidents?

We went to mediation after that and now there is a clause that he can only take her to 4 neighboring states w/o my prior permission and he has to give me the address of the home or hotel. No more sleeping in stations.

Great thank you PP.

[Anonymous]

Why is he lying?

What is to be gained by lying?

If custody is not yet finalized and there isn't an order in place then neither he or you needs permission to take your child on a vacation.

Where did they sleep? Why would he lie about it?

Is there a girlfriend involved? Poor planning? What is your concern?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is he lying?

What is to be gained by lying?

If custody is not yet finalized and there isn't an order in place then neither he or you needs permission to take your child on a vacation.

Where did they sleep? Why would he lie about it?

Is there a girlfriend involved? Poor planning? What is your concern?

I don't know why he is lying. He lies to maintain control of the situation (he is abusive). Yes there is a significant other involved.

He has to ask permission based on the temporary order and he did, but he lied about where he was going.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your lawyer. If he's required to ask permission and gave you incorrect information, then he didn't really get informed consent. If he in any way violated the temporary order, you might have grounds for putting stronger protections in the final agreement. Now getting him to comply with them is another matter . . . Sorry he's being such an ass.

[Anonymous]

My divorce agreement has language about knowing the whereabouts of my child at all times. Not the street intersection when in town, but any trips out of town, etc., and also phone numbers (sometimes remote places don't have phone access). Lawyers have dealt with this before. Bring this up in mediation or with your lawyer or however you're negotiated things beyond the temporary order. How maddening!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry, OP. I know the feeling. My mentally ill ex took a train or bus to Boston with DD when she was a preschooler and then slept in the station for a night because he couldn't afford a hotel. I still haven't figured out the entire story, but she thought it as a huge adventure at the time! I feigned happiness for her, but I was really just relieved she was home safe and sound.

PP, I would have been LIVID. Thank goodness it turned out fine.