Husband always includes his siblings in our plans

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have been married for 6 years and have two young kids. It's very rare we get a kid free night, but when we do we try to schedule something to do like the beach, dinner, movies, comedy show, etc. However, every time we make plans he ALWAYS invites his sister and his brother and his wife to join us. It's frustrating to me because what I think is going to be a nice evening for the two of us turns into me feeling like a fifth wheel. The four of them hang out all the time (without me) so I'm just there when the five of us are together. Not to mention I can't stand my husband's brother and my husband knows this. I tried telling my husband that I would just once like for it to just be the two of us, but he tells me he always hangs out with them and they like to do things as a family and that I'm being selfish and anti social. I don't know what else I can do, but I'm really sick and tired of this.

[Anonymous]

Get a backbone.

How old is he?

[Anonymous]

He's 36.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Sounds nice to be ypur DH. I could only dream of such a tight bond with my siblings. No advice. Just jealous (of your DH)

[Anonymous]

Next time you schedule a kid-free night, tell him that you'll make all the plans and surprise him. Then make dinner and/or evening plans, don't tell him what's going on and then he can't invite his siblings if he doesn't know the plans. So you can plan a romantic dinner, a romantic walk and then take him home and take advantage of him.

[Anonymous]

A romantic walk? Snooze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time you schedule a kid-free night, tell him that you'll make all the plans and surprise him. Then make dinner and/or evening plans, don't tell him what's going on and then he can't invite his siblings if he doesn't know the plans. So you can plan a romantic dinner, a romantic walk and then take him home and take advantage of him.

I'll give this a try.

[Anonymous]

Is he the oldest? I've found a lot of us oldest siblings are like this.

[Anonymous]

Tell him you will alternate: date night alone, date night with them, date night alone, date night with them...

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't he understand that a married couple should sometimes do couple-y things? Any 5th grader could understand that. In your shoes, I'd be really sad that my husband seemed to prefer bring with his siblings to being with me.

[Anonymous]

He likes being with his family. It isn't something new. This is your reality.

[Anonymous]

I think your husband is being very inconsiderate of your feelings considering that you have made your feelings quite clear and he has shrugged them off + has continued going against your wishes regardless of how you feel.

What a thoughtless jerk!

I would stress to him again that this is serious, that you mean it when you say that this is not about being "anti-social" as he claims, it is just that you want to be w/him and only him and that as your husband, he needs to take your wants + desires into account and not just his own.

If he continues inviting his siblings after you have made it crystal clear that you are not happy going out w/all of them, then I would simply refrain from hanging out w/him & his siblings anymore. Accept invitations from your own friends/family to go out socially and not include him.

Hopefully that will make him see that you mean what you say and he will see that you are serious and it will change his perspective about things.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't he understand that a married couple should sometimes do couple-y things? Any 5th grader could understand that. In your shoes, I'd be really sad that my husband seemed to prefer bring with his siblings to being with me.

,

+1

What guy wants family time over romance time (meaning sex will surely follow)?

What was he like dating?
I agree w you scheduling date time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He likes being with his family. It isn't something new. This is your reality.

He should not force her to hang out w an IL she hates, especially sinceit is intruding on their couples time.
Sounds like he would rather be single....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't he understand that a married couple should sometimes do couple-y things? Any 5th grader could understand that. In your shoes, I'd be really sad that my husband seemed to prefer bring with his siblings to being with me.

It makes me very sad.