6yr old DS is a compulsive liar

[Anonymous]

Please help with stories of motivation or techniques that have worked in your family!

Our DS just turned 6 and has a huge heart of gold. He is very popular with other kids & makes new friends wherever he goes. Other parents & teachers are always complimenting us on how great of a kid he is & how much they adore him! ........So, what's the problem you ask?

He lies & steals! We have had two major incidents in this week alone of stealing from another child! He lies to us all the time about the smallest things too. We are exhausted & running out of parenting skills!

[Anonymous]

There's a great chapter in the book Nuture Shock about how common lying is, why kids do it, etc. I highly recommend that whole book.

[Anonymous]

On a radio show last year I think a guy took his compulsive liar son to target and said he would buy him a new gaming system and any games he wanted. They loaded up the cart and the kid was super excited and when they went to check out the dad said to the cashier/son you know what, I said I would get you this stuff but I lied and we aren't getting anything - what you're feeling now is how we feel every time you lie to us. Son was super upset but apparently it got the message across. Obviously it was "controversial" and some callers said it was mean. Maybe try something like that?

[Anonymous]

OP Here.

Thanks so much, I'll check into that book.

I see absolutely nothing wrong w/ the Target story! His dad is already planning on waking him up super early to pull weeds out of the mulch beds followed by getting to summer camp early and standing there with him at the entrance holding a sign that says "I stole twice from my friends & lied" .... as for me, I'm just at a complete loss.

I'm afraid it's not just a phase. During the school year he would come home with all sorts of new trinkets & stated that he earned it out of the "prize box" just to find out (after a child's mother knocked on our door after their bus stop) that he stole it from his friend on the bus. He also lies, lies, and lies. I hate to say this, but we can't and don't trust a word he says. We never let him slide and always make him suffer consequences which truly just makes him more defiant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

Thanks so much, I'll check into that book.

I see absolutely nothing wrong w/ the Target story! His dad is already planning on waking him up super early to pull weeds out of the mulch beds followed by getting to summer camp early and standing there with him at the entrance holding a sign that says "I stole twice from my friends & lied" .... as for me, I'm just at a complete loss.

I'm afraid it's not just a phase. During the school year he would come home with all sorts of new trinkets & stated that he earned it out of the "prize box" just to find out (after a child's mother knocked on our door after their bus stop) that he stole it from his friend on the bus. He also lies, lies, and lies. I hate to say this, but we can't and don't trust a word he says. We never let him slide and always make him suffer consequences which truly just makes him more defiant.

Do not do this. You will only end up with more trouble then you can imagine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

Thanks so much, I'll check into that book.

I see absolutely nothing wrong w/ the Target story! His dad is already planning on waking him up super early to pull weeds out of the mulch beds followed by getting to summer camp early and standing there with him at the entrance holding a sign that says "I stole twice from my friends & lied" .... as for me, I'm just at a complete loss.

I'm afraid it's not just a phase. During the school year he would come home with all sorts of new trinkets & stated that he earned it out of the "prize box" just to find out (after a child's mother knocked on our door after their bus stop) that he stole it from his friend on the bus. He also lies, lies, and lies. I hate to say this, but we can't and don't trust a word he says. We never let him slide and always make him suffer consequences which truly just makes him more defiant.

Do not do this. You will only end up with more trouble then you can imagine.

Yes, this is weird and horrible.

[Anonymous]

You know what Judge Judy says: "How do you know when they are lying? When their lips are moving." OP, ALL KIDS LIE. ALL OF THEM.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

One of the summer camp instructors turned him on to the idea of the sign..she stated that another parent previously did that & they never had another problem. Personally, I'm all about giving the tough love (especially at this point) but I see the sign holding idea to lead to extreme emotional distress. We are sick and tired of people telling us that it is "just a phase" or a "kid thing" .. it's been an ongoing problem for over a year. We also have another DS who is 2yrs older and has always been 100% honest and would never ever steal. Our older DS does "tattle" a lot on his younger brother but he also enlightens us to his sketchy behavior that he manages to sneak past us. We are equally loving, fair, and place the same expectations on them both. There are not favorites in our household.

6yr old DS also "steals" snacks out of the kitchen and hides all the trash/wrappers/crumbs in the couch cushions, in his closet, under his bedroom furniture, and in the crack between his bed frame and mattress. Just another example of the ongoing lies/stealing. *We put everything out of reach, "grounded" him from all of his favorite snacks or extras and more. This has happened more than 5 times within the past year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

One of the summer camp instructors turned him on to the idea of the sign..she stated that another parent previously did that & they never had another problem. Personally, I'm all about giving the tough love (especially at this point) but I see the sign holding idea to lead to extreme emotional distress. We are sick and tired of people telling us that it is "just a phase" or a "kid thing" .. it's been an ongoing problem for over a year. We also have another DS who is 2yrs older and has always been 100% honest and would never ever steal. Our older DS does "tattle" a lot on his younger brother but he also enlightens us to his sketchy behavior that he manages to sneak past us. We are equally loving, fair, and place the same expectations on them both. There are not favorites in our household.

6yr old DS also "steals" snacks out of the kitchen and hides all the trash/wrappers/crumbs in the couch cushions, in his closet, under his bedroom furniture, and in the crack between his bed frame and mattress. Just another example of the ongoing lies/stealing. *We put everything out of reach, "grounded" him from all of his favorite snacks or extras and more. This has happened more than 5 times within the past year.

That's different from my upbringing. My siblings and I never "stole" anything from the kitchen as we were allowed to take whatever we wanted. That said, my mom never bought "snacks" by American definition. Maybe be less controlling and/or buy better foods?

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Agree that all kids lie..white lie..fib...deny.. yatta yatta yatta. I'm ok with that & have realistic expectations. Constantly lying about ongoing offenses is just not ok. The hardest part on this struggle for us is honestly the STEALING. Absolutely not okay with us..under any circumstances...no exceptions. He didn't just steal once! I would say he has honestly been CAUGHT about once a month stealing something over the past year. Come on parents! Feel my complete and utter disappointment and shame. This is rock bottom .. completely drained and throwing my hands up in the air.

[Anonymous]

The hiding of food could be an eating disorder. Do eating disorders run in the family?

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Snacks out of the kitchen were in their own kid friendly cabinets and free for them to help themselves. My 6yr DS lost that privilege once we discovered the massive amounts of wrappers, peels, crumbs, yogurt cups, etc...

Both children actually choose raw veggies & fruits all day over junk food. We actually don't even purchase those types of things. That is one area we haven't failed in as parents!

[Anonymous]

Family therapist pronto. Seek intervention, you need to
Identity what is going on and get tools to deal with the behavior. Best of luck

[Anonymous]

No eating disorders or odd compulsive activity. Just another example of the extreme lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family therapist pronto. Seek intervention, you need to
Identity what is going on and get tools to deal with the behavior. Best of luck

OP Here
Agreed. I'm not willing to settle for "it's a kid thing."