Sister cares too much about male beauty

[Anonymous]

I think most of us like men who are fit, groomed and dress well, but have you ever come across girls who won't date a guy unless he looks like a shirtless Abercrombie & Fitch model? This is what my sister constantly does - she gets her heart broken again and again by these a**holes who are physically "perfect 10s", but refuses to date a man who doesn't look like a runway model. I've told her that she's being ridiculously superficial and that she can't expect to get a hot, tanned model-looking guy who is both asshole and family man, loyal to her, intelligent and successful, loves her parents, etc etc but she won't listen.

I also think it's very odd for a woman to put such a premium on male beauty that she would only date a man who resembled Matthew McConaughey, and considers Paul Rudd "a 7, too pale and nerdy-cute for me". It's ridiculously shallow! I've never prioritized beauty in a man (I care more about his brains/strength) and I don't know any female friends who do. Is this normal, a generational gap that I don't understand? My sister is ten years younger than me and I think she has a wild party life (she just graduated college), but claims to want to settle down with a man who fits all the above criteria.

Can I get advice for talking sense into this woman? Should I even bother or is this normal and should I just let her be? What do her priorities say? I can't help but feel that she is being immature. (And while we're on the subject I wish she'd stop partying and drinking so much too.)

[Anonymous]

She's dating these guys because she's not ready to settle down. She will change her tune when she meets a guy she likes more than skin deep.

[Anonymous]

Your post is super judgy too. Who says a man can't be a 10 all around? Hot men aren't brain dead, just like all blondes aren't ditzes.

[Anonymous]

MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's dating these guys because she's not ready to settle down. She will change her tune when she meets a guy she likes more than skin deep.

This. Let her sow her wild oats.

[Anonymous]

Stop being so judgemental. She probably tells you she wants to settle down so you stop looking down on her so much.

[Anonymous]

I'm judgmental because I don't want my sister to keep getting her heartbroken over douchebags who use her and who she chooses just for superficial reasons and then expects them to be nice men? Wow, I'd hate to see what kind of sisters you women are. Sorry but I'm the type of person who actually looks out for the people I care about and wants the best for them. If you don't understand what it means to have family values then I suppose you can't understand where I am coming from.

[Anonymous]

How old is she?

Sometimes women in their early 20s have wildy unrealistic expectations. When she hits 30, she'll probably be a bit more humble and more interested in what men are like on the inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm judgmental because I don't want my sister to keep getting her heartbroken over douchebags who use her and who she chooses just for superficial reasons and then expects them to be nice men? Wow, I'd hate to see what kind of sisters you women are. Sorry but I'm the type of person who actually looks out for the people I care about and wants the best for them. If you don't understand what it means to have family values then I suppose you can't understand where I am coming from.

Are you sure her heart is being broken? You sister sounds a lot like how I was when I was in college and just out. Yes, I went through a good amount a guys but never had my heart broken. At 23 I decided I was done with playing the field and wanted something more serious. Spent a year figuring out exactly what I wanted and met DH at 24. Luckiest day of my life was the day I met him.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she is just being your typical just out of college chick having fun. And like 16:35 says, she is probably not having her heart broken. Just being dumped after putting out for a while. She knows deep down what is going to happen but plays it off to not look like a skank.

[Anonymous]

make her read the sheer number of posts and threads about how women continuously make the wrong decisions and yet never see the problem - you know, the one staring right back at them in the mirror every day.

I get your sense of frustration and wanting to help shield your sister from pain. But she's an adult and makes her own decisions. She may never grow up and realize beauty is truly only skin deep. That's the price she has to pay for her own immaturity.

The best thing you can do is to lead a great and happy life - if your married or in a serious LTR, she can see it with her own eyes. Whether or not she chooses to change is entirely up to her. But you have to find a way to stop shouldering her burdens.

[Anonymous]

What does she look like? Remember there are a lots of good looking guy who will hit anything. They won't even know her name in the morning. These guys your sister dates sound like players. She will learn...maybe a trip or two to the clinic will help.

[Anonymous]

Geezus get out of your sisters' life and mind your own business.

[Anonymous]

She will learn. Sooner or later.

[Anonymous]

I have friends like this. It's annoying, but at the same time, I kind of understand it. As a single woman in my early 40's, some of the guys who have screwed me over in the past were guys who were nothing special, looks-wise. Some guys can get away with being total jerks in dating because they are schlubby and unattractive or average, and women don't expect those guys to act like cads. So I can kind of see a woman thinking, "well F it. If a guy is going to be a jerk, he might as well be a hot jerk." (and some of the hot guys I've dated were the sweetest guys. Also not always bright.)