How to separate bank account with spouse?
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Anonymous
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Spouse and I currently share bank accounts but I'm looking to separate accounts...mostly because of issues with mil and her finally irresponsible behavior (she spends w/o thinking and is already dipping into her IRA $ even though she's not retired - for purchases she doesn't need. I have no desire to support her if she's being finally irresponsible so I want to separate bank accounts with spouse)
Any tips from folks out there who've made it work. Do you split everything 50-50 or just take different bills? |
Anonymous
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When we split accounts, we looked at the percentage each of us earned. I was the breadwinner (roughly 65-70% of our HHI). Then we divvied up the bills to fit the percentages. I ended up paying rent and a few other bills from my pay check which went into my separate account. I also wrote checks for the remaining bills from our joint account until I got pregnant.
This did not solve our issues though. He constantly drained or overdrafted our joint account so that bills couldn't be paid from it. |
Anonymous
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We divided up the bills and are each responsible for certain things (easily since we make about the same amount). Mostly, he pays for big things like the mortgage and I handle the day-to-day stuff. We each pay our designated bills out of separate accounts.
Technically, our accounts are still joint, as we both still have access to both checking accounts, but we keep things pretty separate. It has almost eliminated our money issues. He tends to spend more than I do, but I don't worry any more. As long as the mortgage and his other bills get paid (and they always, always do), I don't care what he spends. It's also been good for our relationship for him to take some responsibility for the household finances. Before, I paid all of the bills and "kept the books," and there was some tension at times. |
Anonymous
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We have one joint account that all bills are paid from and we contribute to the joint account as needed on a 60/40 basis. We also have one shared credit card for joint purchases (food, groceries, vacations, etc.) that we use that draws from the joint account. We have separate accounts for the rest of the money and separate credit cards for our fun purchases.
My suggestion on going separate is not to nickel and dime the other person otherwise it can become more work than its worth. |
Anonymous
This. We have our finances set up mostly the same way. |
Anonymous
Marriage counseling first, this is a weird trust issue |
Anonymous
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Op here - thanks for the great ideas.
To the previous poster - not really trust issues. I've repeatedly asked spouse to talk to mil about her spending on things she doesn't need but he refuses to. I have no problems helping to support her when she retires if she wasn't spending so freely right now. It's going to come back and bite us. She eats out or does carry out at least 8 times a week and buys a TON of things she doesn't need. She's already racked up CC debt. In the end when she can't pay it all, we'Ll end up having to pay it and supporting her when she retires. I'm hoping this change in how we manage our finances will push spouse to communicate more with mil. We have 2 young kids so I need to look out for their best interests as well. |
Anonymous
Get your own life She is a grown-up women, she can live her life as she wishes. Right now she doesn't need (or asks) for your support, so you have no say in how she spends her money. When the time comes - feel free not to support her. |
Anonymous
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I think having the expectation that your DH is responsible for how your MIL spends her money is completely unfair to him and disrespectful. She is an adult, it isn't up to him to control her or her money. The fact you see this as some kind of personal failing that you want to punish him for is sad. It does show a lack of trust to say that you think in the future he will spend your money on his mother so you are pulling your money out now as you don't trust he will consider you when the time comes.
Why are you so involve din your MILs finances? Unless she is asking you for money now and relying on you financially, it isn't any of your or your husband's business what your MIL does with her money. If you were posting here that your husband was mad that you weren't controlling your mother's spending and therefore wanted to separate finances because he doesn't trust you - people would be calling him controlling and abusive and telling you to divorce him. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
The OP has every right to be concerned. It is a smart move to start separating her funds now--it has nothing to do with punishing her DH. If anything, it sounds like the OP is being proactive since she and DH expect that they will have to help support her MIL which she is willing to do but not at the expense of the MIL's frivolous spending habits. MIL should not get a free pass for dipping into retirement funds and then later the OP will have to help her husband cover the loss (when that money could be going to her own family's expenses). |
Anonymous
| Dont understand why OP and DH dont discuss right now what to do about MIL. They need to be united. Otherwise, they will end up divorced when MIL moves in. |
Anonymous
| Op, you should get w an attorney and see if separating your accounts will really protect you. |
Anonymous
Except the reality of that will be that they have to support. What are you going to do? Tell your wife tough shit, your mom can go be homeless, I warned you 10 years ago? And then what? Follow through and end in divorce where you lose 50% anyway? Much smarter plan is to address the issue head on. Even this business of split accounts seems a bit worthless at this stage - his wife isn't going to suddenly have a light lulb go off because she has to write checks from some other bank aba #. |
Anonymous
| This really is a trust issue because OP is assuming that DH will bail out his mother over her objections. Is this true, OP? |