How to separate bank account with spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This really is a trust issue because OP is assuming that DH will bail out his mother over her objections. Is this true, OP?

Wouldn't you? Who calls their mom and says "Hey mom, love you and all but really sorry my wife doesn't want us to help you in retirement so you'll just have to struggle until one day you die."

Splitting the accounts does nothing to solve this

[Anonymous]

OP, when I was married to someone who I had separate accounts from, we divided up the bills based on our respective salaries. He paid the mortgage and the daycare bill and I did the grocery shopping and paid the utilities. It worked out to be about a 60/40 split, which was roughly income-based.

However, I don't think that's going to solve your problem, which seems to be that you and your husband have different financial priorities and goals. The decision to support an ageing parent (regardless of that parent's fiscal responsibility or lack thereof) should be a decision that is made by both of you, and you should both end up in a place where you are comfortable with the boundaries that have been drawn. I can't tell from your posts whether you are borrowing trouble at this point or not - does your MIL currently have access to your joint account, or are you just worried that she will continue to spend money like water and turn to your husband to bail her out? If the latter, I really don't see how separating your accounts solves anything. If the former, I would personally be uncomfortable with that and I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to tell DH that the arrangement needs to change. If he needs to set up a separate account for his mom, with a designated amount put there every month and when it's gone, it's gone, that would be acceptable for me, but obviously YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This really is a trust issue because OP is assuming that DH will bail out his mother over her objections. Is this true, OP?

Wouldn't you? Who calls their mom and says "Hey mom, love you and all but really sorry my wife doesn't want us to help you in retirement so you'll just have to struggle until one day you die."

Splitting the accounts does nothing to solve this

Maybe I'm missing something but I think it could solve the problem. DW and DH each have their "fun" money and DH can spend his helping his mom if he wants and OP can buy shoes/clothes/nicer car or whatever. There's no reason to think DH won't meet his share of the financial obligations and should he choose to support his mom it would come from whatever is left (as opposed to having joint accounts where some of DW's fun money would be spent).