New Sister in law needs excessive positive feedback
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Anonymous
| She is only 25 and clearly insecure, but I cannot handle how positive everything must be around her. My entire family walks on eggshells around her and she thinks that everything we say is negative. In fact, we are just a straightforward family who speaks honestly and openly around each other. Being around her outs me in a bad mood because I have to censor myself. I've spoken to my brother about this and he understands and is trying to figure out a way to discuss this with her. How have you dealt with new family members who are just so different in one way or the other? |
Anonymous
| Be polite to your sister in law. It's really not that tough. |
Anonymous
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This is my SIL (brother's wife), except she's 30. She was the favorite of her parents, hasn't really faced much adversity or major challenges in life, and is a bit of a princess - though terribly insecure.
It's just weird. I don't interact with her much anymore, as she's not one to understand the mutuality of relationships. We don't bring it up with brother, but he's had some relationship issues. It is what it is. Just limit things, though it's sad. |
Anonymous
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She will be lonely because no guy is going to put up with that crap.
LIMIT your time with SIL. If she's that "delicate" (gag!) then make sure you spend as little time with her as possible. |
Anonymous
The issue is not about being POLITE, it's about LYING and pretending everything is all roses when it's not. How does SIL handle her job? Does she never read/watch the news? Sheesh! |
Anonymous
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"Honestly and openly" ? What does that mean? Do you criticize your sister in law?
Just be polite to her. |
Anonymous
Huh? Is this op? If so, your first post was not clear. How does she lie and pretend all is roses? |
Anonymous
Exactly. Keep your "straightforward" opinions to yourself. |
Anonymous
What you call honest can sound brutal to others. The emotional callous I had to develop to be around my ILs.... Give her some time to adjust, and try to be kind. |
Anonymous
She is a nurse in a pretty intensive field, so she has to be pretty positive at work for the families sake. |
Anonymous
That was an OP. I am OP. |
Anonymous
| Is your family really straightforward and honest or rude and offensive? |
Anonymous
No criticism at all. If she asks for my opinion on something, like a party she is planning, and I say that I like or don't like something, she thinks I am criticizing her for saying that I don't like something. In reality, she just asked for my opinion and I gave it to her. |
Anonymous
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OP, She's young, hopefully it's a problem that can be resolved with time and experience of life. I met my husband's family at 20 and was the youngest by far. They must have thought I was completely clueless and naive. My SIL (wife to BIL) is a no-nonsense dentist with 4 teens and literally does not have the time to tiptoe around anybody. At first I thought she was brusque, but now I understand that it's her style. We don't mesh, but I admire and respect her. She probably thinks I have it easy with my SAHM lifestyle and only 2 children! It's hard to tell without examples whether you're not being understanding enough or whether she is pathologically fragile. However, give her a little more time. |
Anonymous
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I'm not sure I understand exactly what is going on here.
If it's just a matter of not being rude..um don't be rude. If you feel like she takes things the wrong way, that is another story. |