How common is this?

[Anonymous]

We have two DC's, now both out of high school. ILs were here for DC2's HS graduation, just one night. Their trip here was by car, stayed with us, so no big expenses on their part to make it here. They are nice people, I like them and we get along.
They have not given a single gift or even just a card to either DC for birthdays, Christmas, graduations, or anything really for about 8 to 10 years now. Before that, it would be dollar store stuff, or something on sale from a store we don't have here so no exchanges possible. Anyway, they are very frugal, but I am just wondering if others have this happen in their families, too. BTW, they retired in their mid-50's and that's going on 30 years now. They travel quite lavishly (cruise about 50 to 60 days/year), but otherwise live pretty bare bones.
I would love to be able to retire that early and I know it takes some discipline, but it seems to me it would be pretty easy to set aside a couple hundred bucks for each kid to cover their under 18 year old celebrations/occasions and give them a gift once in a while.
I am also somewhat skewed in my views because my mom is very generous, so it's pretty lopsided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two DC's, now both out of high school. ILs were here for DC2's HS graduation, just one night. Their trip here was by car, stayed with us, so no big expenses on their part to make it here. They are nice people, I like them and we get along.
They have not given a single gift or even just a card to either DC for birthdays, Christmas, graduations, or anything really for about 8 to 10 years now. Before that, it would be dollar store stuff, or something on sale from a store we don't have here so no exchanges possible. Anyway, they are very frugal, but I am just wondering if others have this happen in their families, too. BTW, they retired in their mid-50's and that's going on 30 years now. They travel quite lavishly (cruise about 50 to 60 days/year), but otherwise live pretty bare bones.
I would love to be able to retire that early and I know it takes some discipline, but it seems to me it would be pretty easy to set aside a couple hundred bucks for each kid to cover their under 18 year old celebrations/occasions and give them a gift once in a while.
I am also somewhat skewed in my views because my mom is very generous, so it's pretty lopsided.

Baby boom generation. My parents are both like this. One is miserly and likes to spend as little as possible on people other than himself. The other spends with abandon, which is why she no longer has any money and why I partially support her.

Good times.

[Anonymous]

You can not judge how others spend their money. Nothing good EVER comes of it. Everyone has different priorities. They're frugal and minimalistic. It should mean a lot that they showed up. I'd focus on appreciating that.

Yes, lots of grandparents don't send gifts or cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have two DC's, now both out of high school. ILs were here for DC2's HS graduation, just one night. Their trip here was by car, stayed with us, so no big expenses on their part to make it here. They are nice people, I like them and we get along.
They have not given a single gift or even just a card to either DC for birthdays, Christmas, graduations, or anything really for about 8 to 10 years now. Before that, it would be dollar store stuff, or something on sale from a store we don't have here so no exchanges possible. Anyway, they are very frugal, but I am just wondering if others have this happen in their families, too. BTW, they retired in their mid-50's and that's going on 30 years now. They travel quite lavishly (cruise about 50 to 60 days/year), but otherwise live pretty bare bones.
I would love to be able to retire that early and I know it takes some discipline, but it seems to me it would be pretty easy to set aside a couple hundred bucks for each kid to cover their under 18 year old celebrations/occasions and give them a gift once in a while.
I am also somewhat skewed in my views because my mom is very generous, so it's pretty lopsided.

Baby boom generation. My parents are both like this. One is miserly and likes to spend as little as possible on people other than himself. The other spends with abandon, which is why she no longer has any money and why I partially support her.

Good times.

Not too many baby boomers have grandchildren who are old enough to have graduated from HS.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yep, these are the Greatest Generation, not Boomers. Born in the Depression. But so was my mom who is very generous. It's just the way they are, and I am glad that they could make it to the graduation. I am just wondering how common it is to never give anything to grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have two DC's, now both out of high school. ILs were here for DC2's HS graduation, just one night. Their trip here was by car, stayed with us, so no big expenses on their part to make it here. They are nice people, I like them and we get along.
They have not given a single gift or even just a card to either DC for birthdays, Christmas, graduations, or anything really for about 8 to 10 years now. Before that, it would be dollar store stuff, or something on sale from a store we don't have here so no exchanges possible. Anyway, they are very frugal, but I am just wondering if others have this happen in their families, too. BTW, they retired in their mid-50's and that's going on 30 years now. They travel quite lavishly (cruise about 50 to 60 days/year), but otherwise live pretty bare bones.
I would love to be able to retire that early and I know it takes some discipline, but it seems to me it would be pretty easy to set aside a couple hundred bucks for each kid to cover their under 18 year old celebrations/occasions and give them a gift once in a while.
I am also somewhat skewed in my views because my mom is very generous, so it's pretty lopsided.

Baby boom generation. My parents are both like this. One is miserly and likes to spend as little as possible on people other than himself. The other spends with abandon, which is why she no longer has any money and why I partially support her.

Good times.

Not too many baby boomers have grandchildren who are old enough to have graduated from HS.

The baby boom started in 1946. Many baby boomers have grandchildren who have graduated hs, my parents included. The oldest grandchild will be 20 this fall.

[Anonymous]

Not at all what it's like in the families I've seen. Gifts won't be lavish, but they will be regular upon each visit.

[Anonymous]

They don't give gifts, so what???
Seriously, so what? Do they mistreat the kids?
Are they mean? They are cheap, who cares, ur kids are grown and I sure they realize their grandparents are cheap is. It does not make them bad people.

[Anonymous]

It sort of does. It is not how grandparents usually treat grandkids, whom they are supposed to adore. Are there any other grandkids in the family, OP? Are they all treated the same? We have grandparents that give kids dollar store toys plus checks. I don't get it. When they come over for my 5 year old's birthdya party next week he'll get a check. Really? Do you think he's going to be excited by a piece of paper? My DH says it's fear of rejection (ie the gift was a bad choice so they just don't get one even though MIL spends tons of time shopping). It's not normal.

[Anonymous]

My mom (greatest generation) who is pretty well off rarely gives me or dh a gift and when she does it is often worse than no gift at all. She gave me a bookmark and dh a 2014 planner (this was in June of 2014 and it was his 50th birthday). She admitted she had gotten the items on sale.

She gives somewhat better gifts fo DC, but not great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sort of does. It is not how grandparents usually treat grandkids, whom they are supposed to adore. Are there any other grandkids in the family, OP? Are they all treated the same? We have grandparents that give kids dollar store toys plus checks. I don't get it. When they come over for my 5 year old's birthdya party next week he'll get a check. Really? Do you think he's going to be excited by a piece of paper? My DH says it's fear of rejection (ie the gift was a bad choice so they just don't get one even though MIL spends tons of time shopping). It's not normal.

Adoration does not equal material gifts .
Grow
Up!!

[Anonymous]

Did your kids write thank you notes? If not, maybe the ILs just stopped giving presents for that reason.

[Anonymous]

My mom is like this. Never occurs to her to get presents for her grand kids. Though to be fair, she hardly ever got me presents either, and she has never cared if we ever got her anything. Come Christmas, she will put a $20 in an envelope for each of the 6 grand kids.

[Anonymous]

Some people are not gift-givers, or do so sporadically when they think about it, even to grandkids. My parents are like this, but then again, they don't have that much money and don't travel all that much. My ILs don't give gifts either. Instead, they've been putting $ into an account every bday and xmas. I think this is great. My kids have a ton of stuff already. They don't need more crap. Plus, they will *love* it when they find out how much money they have when they turn 18.

[Anonymous]

My paternal grandparents rarely gave gifts. When they did, it was always something they already owned. My siblings and I considered them 'treasures'. On one occasion (not even a birthday/holiday, just a regular day), I got a beautiful tea cup and saucer. Another time, I got a piece of furniture that had been my great grandfather's and had been refinished by my grandmother. For my college graduation, I got an antique vase (Princess Louise). My siblings and I never thought this was weird. My grandparents obviously loved us very much. I think this habit developed over hard times and with the understanding that gifts don't have to purchased or new to be meaningful. As I look back on it now, I think it was wonderful.