How common is this?
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Anonymous
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I'm not a grandparent, but I am one of several aunts to 11 nieces/nephews. I rarely give gifts that cost more than $10-$15. These kids get so much from their parents, other aunts, and grandparents. They don't need another $50 Abercrombie tee shirt.
I also plan to retire early. That costs money. Every penny I give to your kids is a penny I won't have to cover my own expenses. Consider yourself lucky that your ILs are frugal and self-supporting. Hope your mom has a similar plan. |
Anonymous
You made my point. For kids, it does. |
Anonymous
| OP, you mentioned they aren't generous. It's not about being generous - at least how you are laying it out. They were there for graduation, that's their time. Maybe they aren't good a gift giving or don't enjoy it. Or maybe they didn't get 'thank you's' written from your kids and stopped. Certainly your kids are old enough now that it shouldn't matter. Do your kids give meaningful, thoughtfully selected gifts to their grandparents? Have they ever? As for your children receiving gifts - well, they aren't children - certainly are not children now. So, even if this bothered you when they were young, I wouldn't give it any thought now. |
Anonymous
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OP again, my mom is the beneficiary of my now deceased dad's amazing investment acumen, so she is set and loves to share.
I do worry about ILs running out of money and needing help, only because they have already been retired 30 years and travel a lot. Longevity is on MILs side, too. |
Anonymous
| Maybe they think the children are already over-indulged and their gifts won't make a ripple. But frankly they probably don't think about. And that doesn't mean anything. |
Anonymous
WTF! No it does not, only you have your kids on the lookout for "stuff". You need help! |
Anonymous
| You sound ungrateful. They drove to be at the graduation because they care!! I'm from Canada and really, you Americans are seriously messed up when it comes to expecting gifts. For us, it's more about the memories. Try practicing gratitude and enjoying your time together instead of expecting gifts. Wow. |
Anonymous
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My grandparents (90) are children of the depression and our TIGHT with their money. They give me/the kids gifts like free Wendy's frosty coupons and happy meal toys. This Christmas they gave our family $48,000.
If they want to spend every cent on themselves before they die that's their choice and I'm fine with it. They about killed themselves earning it. It's more likely that they'll leave us a lot - I think that's why they're so careful. I used to think it was odd when I was little, but now I completely understand. If you grew up hungry and scared you probably wouldn't want to waste $10 on a valueless trinket either. |
Anonymous
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It is interesting you equate generosity with money and gifts. People can be generous in many ways. They might not be as materialistic as you and therefore don't realize that you are judging their character by their gifts or lack thereof. They may have seen their time, their love, their appreciation, their presence as 'gifts' to your sons.
Would you really rather they stayed home, didn't show any interest but sent a check twice a year. Appreciate them for who they are and what they bring to your family rather than looking down on them for not spending as much money as your mother. Unless your kids are going without and you are poor and they have wealth - your kids don't need more stuff. Your kids should learn to appreciate people and time with relatives rather than only appreciating what those people bring to them in the form of material gifts. |
Anonymous
I totally agree. |
Anonymous
| OP again. Like I said, I have no problem with them not giving money or stuff, especially now that kids are older. I was just wondering how common it is in other families for there to be no gifts of any kind after a certain point in age? And for the record we are big on Thank You notes, so that shouldn't be an issue for them. |
Anonymous
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Well, count us as another family that doesn't really do gifts that much. My parents and MIL are in their mid 80's, my kids are 11 and 13. When they were little, there was more of an effort by the grandparents to give tangible stuff, but none of the grandparents lived close by and didn't really know what sorts of toys we already had, or what the kids would enjoy. Nobody wanted to load us down with crap, for which I was grateful.
My parents send checks for birthdays and other occasions. My MIL does sometimes too, when she remembers. Sometimes the kids pick out something they want, but sometimes the money just goes in the bank. Sometimes there's a small gift from a trip. But no one is terribly focused on giving "just the right thing" and frankly no one cares. Every year I struggle with what to give my kids for their birthdays, and honestly that feels like a good problem to have. |
Anonymous
My grandmother stopped giving gifts to grandchildren when they turned 18. She had a bunch and was living on a fixed income, so even when she gave gifts, they were very small. Her grandchildren all adored her and thought she was the most wonderful grandmother ever. She was always welcoming, went to every graduation or birthday she was invited to, and was a great cook who always made your favorite meal and special treats when you came to visit. I bet not one of us remembers any gift she gave, but we all remember how much she loved us. |
Anonymous
| Do you give them bday or Xmas gifts? Do they ever take you and family on their nice trips? |
Anonymous
| I'd say it's a little odd, but nothing to get worked up over. My dad has loads of money and is very frugal. He doesn't expect anyone to ever buy him anything and it rarely crosses his mind to buy gifts. If asked for something, he's very generous, but it would never occur to him to offer. Part of why he's rich is he doesn't spend money... |