Child won't eat around people
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Anonymous
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i posted this in GP but realized it might be a better fit over here:
My nephew is 4 and is a great kid. He is extremely hyper active and has some odd "quirks". One thing he will NOT do is eat around other people or at peoples houses. He won't eat at my moms house (goes there 2-3 times a week), in a public place, at a party, etc. I truly have never seen him (after the age of maybe 20 months?) eat. He is of normal weight and eats at home with his immediate family. He has other sensory issues but this is the one that is most obvious. My sister works with him on it and sets small goals (like sitting down at the table, or trying a carrot with dip) but he really hasn't made any progress. He has been evaluated and they are actively working on helping him but there are no diagnosis in place. Looking at him you would assume he is some kind of ADHD because he is just so so hyper. Him sitting down for 2-3 minutes is a miracle. My parents rented a beach house this week for the entire family (about 16 people) and we are on day 3 and sister is going home with DN. He literally hasn't eaten more than a bite or two in 3 days. They have tried everything but he cannot do it. Has anyone ever heard of this??? Some family members are frustrated with my sister because they think she needs to toughen up and make the boy eat but after watching her for 3 days I really have nothing but empathy and concern. My BIL is staying here with the other 2 kids but has also been trying his best to get him to eat. They knew this was a possibility but truly thought after a day or two he would eat especially since we are all family members he has known his whole life. Its such an odd thing and I don't know any conditions or have ever heard of this. ANY insight or advice or similar experiences would be great. I truly don't know if this is something that has been conditioned or is a truly struggle for him. |
Anonymous
| It's not your business. |
Anonymous
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Could she not have eaten alone with him rather than leaving the vacation early because he wouldn't eat in front of the whole family?
Why not just have him eat with his parents or siblings seeing as he is comfortable with that? |
Anonymous
| My son used to be like that. He has HFA. Took a lot of therapy to get him passed it. Traveling was extremely stressful and many times I fed him in the car. |
Anonymous
| If the mother is on board, it sounds like it is time to go to a feeding clinic for help with this. |
Anonymous
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If he is normal weight but doesn't eat in social situations because he is too stimulated that sounds age related to me. There's not necessarily a diagnosis called for here. Many young children are too stimulated outside the home to talk much, to eat, to interact and do the things they might normally do. It's a matter of age and stimulation level. This is not a syndrome or diagnosis.
What is strange is your relatives telling her to "toughen up and make the boy eat." What is their investment in this? Controlling him? As long as he is hydrated, this is so not a big deal. |
Anonymous
I think it is a big deal a kid won't eat for over a day or 2. |
Anonymous
She said he hasn't eaten more than a bite. This is such typical toddler/little kid behavior. I can't count the number of times my kids, when small, just nibbled something or ate one bite when at parties, at the beach, in public. It's frustrating but it's not abnormal. You don't force them to eat. |
Anonymous
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Would he have eaten alone somewhere quiet on vacation?
It seems extreme to leave the vacation. Will he eat in the car? I would do whatever necessary to make vacation successful and pleasant for everyone. Not really the time to force the issue of eating with other people IMO. Some children with sensory issues can't stand the sound of other people chewing. Some picky eaters can't stand the sight of other people eating "gross" food. |
Anonymous
This. And your sister needs to seek professional help. There are lots of reasons that kids do this. It could be related to anxiety or sensory issues, however, I would stay out of it unless your sister asks for help. Also, the relatives too. Getting "tough" isn't going to do anything except make the situation worse. If she asks, this might help: http://www.amazon.com/Just-Take-Bite-Effective-Challenges/dp/1932565124/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1403182987&sr=8-1&keywords=just+take+a+bite+by+lori+ernsperger |
Anonymous
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One of my kids is like your DN. It was not until he was about 10 or 11 that he could eat in front of others. It's tough because he never ate at shcool, playdates, etc. When we went to my in laws, I would take him in a room by himself and try to feed him. When he got older and could talk about it, he would tell me that he always tried to eat but he just couldn't. He felt really bad about it because he knew I wanted him to eat. I got to the point where I never even offered him food at parties or when others were around and I didn't buy him a meal in restaurants. What made the situation worse was that my son was labeled failure to thrive for years and his weight never got above the first percentile.
I don't think it's abnormal for kids to eat very little when others are around, but I do think that when it gets to the point where my son is and your DN seems to be that it is abnormal. But, I'm not sure what you can do about it. Therapy was completely unsuccessful for my son. |
Anonymous
| OP, have they left the vacation already? It sucks to "punish" a kid by leaving vacation bc of his food issues. |
Anonymous
| What if he sat in a room with headphones and an ipad -- would he eat then? Or set up a snack plate for him and he can eat while he runs around? |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thanks for the perspectives. Its easy to say "none of my business" but I love my sister and I love my nephew and I am trying to help and be supportive. I was simply wondering if others had experienced a similar situation. He has gone to feeding clinics before and they say its part of a sensory issue but don't have much help beyond that. Like I said he is not underweight so I don't think the professionals he has seen have really worried too much about the food issues. Sister and DN did go home last night, got a good meal in him and a good nights sleep. She will drive back today to join us if he wants to. (It is only about a 3 hour drive). They did try eating in the car or in a room alone and he didn't take to it. My sister has been told manyy professionals to NOT start drinks like pedicure or protein shakes because it will only fill him up and make him less likely to eat but I think she might buckle and try them this week. He doesn't drink milk well...maybe 4 oz a day. Drinks water all day long so hydration is not an issue. Thanks for those who have helped and please know my sister DOES come to me for advice and guidance and thats why I am gathering experiences. It is definitely not because I want to judge her or my DN, I want to be helpful and knowledgeable. There just seems to me so little about this particular issue on the internet I thought Id reach out to personal experiences. |
Anonymous
| Tell your sister the doc's are wrong. We stayed on toddler formula till age 4 as our child went through phases of not eating and that was the only thing to make him survive. If he will drink it when they are out of the home, I'd have no issue giving it to him, especially when he doesn't drink milk. We would have been Failure to Thrive if we didn't do formula. Finally we got to a good weight - slightly better eating and my son started drinking milk so we stopped the formula. You cannot force a child to eat. Mine will not take bribes so it makes it very hard. Either he agrees or forget it. I am not willing to get into power struggles as long as he eats. My parents did that and it sucked. Tell your sister she is a great mom and to hang in there. (and try supplements when she is out of the home) |