Dating a guy that makes less & going to school

[Anonymous]

I found a really nice guy, a great catch.

Except that he has a low income job and (at 30) will be returning to school.

I think it's great that he wants to improve himself and get a better job. I'm just not sure if I can support him through school. I'm ready to start life now (having been in school for what seems like forever).

Deal breaker? I'm sad because it's so hard to meet nice men.

[Anonymous]

Why do you have to support him through school?

He should take out loans and get a part time job.

If you get married, he should pay off his loans out of his salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found a really nice guy, a great catch.

Except that he has a low income job and (at 30) will be returning to school.

I think it's great that he wants to improve himself and get a better job. I'm just not sure if I can support him through school. I'm ready to start life now (having been in school for what seems like forever).

Deal breaker? I'm sad because it's so hard to meet nice men.

I too am confused about why you have to support him through school- I think you must mean "support" in a broader sense? Understanding the time commitment, the lifestyle of being a student, etc?

Whether or not its a dealbreaker cannot be determined with this little info to go on.

Dealbreakers to me are things like character issues.

What is his job? Tell us about his awesomeness and please tell us if something else is wrong with him besides that he is trying to improve himself and he cant give you a carefree life that a fat salary _might_ bring.

[Anonymous]

PP here: I realize you didnt say you wish he had a fat salary, Im just suggesting that if he HAD a fat salary based on an already settled career you would not have your possible dealbreaker as you have presented it here.

So again, tell us more about what makes this guy so great so we can figure out if there even is a dealbreaker issue.

[Anonymous]

Yes deal breaker. If the man does not make more money than you, you can have fun with him, but no long term relationship.

[Anonymous]

Yes, what do you mean by "support" him?
Do you know how he plans to pay for school?
Are you saying you might be ready to get married and have kids and he's just not in that place yet? Not sure what the deal breaker is - I wouldn't break up with a great guy over this. How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, what do you mean by "support" him?
Do you know how he plans to pay for school?
Are you saying you might be ready to get married and have kids and he's just not in that place yet? Not sure what the deal breaker is - I wouldn't break up with a great guy over this. How old are you?

Btw I didn't mean yes it's a deal breaker...I was agreeing with PPs who don't understand why this would be a deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found a really nice guy, a great catch.

Except that he has a low income job and (at 30) will be returning to school.

I think it's great that he wants to improve himself and get a better job. I'm just not sure if I can support him through school. I'm ready to start life now (having been in school for what seems like forever).

Deal breaker? I'm sad because it's so hard to meet nice men.

I'm guessing that OP is ready to go out to nice restaurants and take vacations that don't require a tent now that she has a decent salary. She has 3 choices:
-subsidize grad school dude on the dinners and vacations so she can enjoy these things with him
-eat some more ramen noodles and take day trips to the beach with him so that he stays within his budget
-move on and vacation & dine with friends while looking for a new dude whose income at least matches hers

[Anonymous]

It's tough to really fully separate out one spouse's loans from the family pot because you all collectively are better off if he pays them off sooner which can be done together and either way, thats money that's not available for other purposes for years and years to come.


Anyway, OP you just met this guy and while you're right to be cognizant of the challenges of dating, potentially marrying, a grad student who you will would end up supporting, at least temporarily, you're getting a bit ahead of yourself here. Get to know him and see if it's worth the sacrifice and also what he's willing to sacrafice in return.

[Anonymous]

If he handles money well in general and isn't getting crazy student loans that will cripple him for life, I don't see any problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes deal breaker. If the man does not make more money than you, you can have fun with him, but no long term relationship.

How progressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he handles money well in general and isn't getting crazy student loans that will cripple him for life, I don't see any problem here.

+1 It he taking out loans responsibly? Will he come out on the other side with strong job prospects and the salary to pay them off?

[Anonymous]

Not enough facts. Maybe the low income job is being a teacher and the guy is passionate about it. Going back to school? Motivation is attractive in both men and women. I know a doctor who is married to a man who is an elementary school teacher. The problem here doesn't seem to be his livelihood.

[Anonymous]

I take it you arent in love with this man?

[Anonymous]

What circumstances led him to start attending higher education at 30? In other words, what did he do with his life in his 20's?

Unless he has a valid reason, I can see where you are coming from.

At 30 yrs of age, a man should already be done with school and ideally be established in a decent or good career.
To be just beginning his studies and still working a low income job would mean he probably made some bad choices early on in his life.

I would need to know what happened in his 20's that led him to this point.
Was he in jail? Was he on drugs or an alcoholic? Was he raising young children? Taking care of immediate family?

All of this would have to be considered before I would consider him a deal-breaker.

I do not mean to sound shallow, but I have tried to date men who didn't have much at 30 and tried to rationalize it and ignore it and blamed myself for being shallow, but in the end it really does show you something about their characters because usually good men don't waste their lives away like that.