Things you secretly oppose, but don't want other people to know:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are missing the point. No one *says* these things to anyone. What's wrong with having an opinion about something that is different from yours? As long as it's not expressed, where's the harm?

Because it's virtually impossible to have an opinion and not act on it. It's human nature. If you are against gay marriage, and immigration of any sort, do you think you'd vote for it when it came to election time. it becomes more than an opinion at that point.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Okay! So far I've learned that, simply by working full time, not being a good cook, and having a special needs child who has an IEP, I'm apparently pissing people off. Wow.

No, no....you are just selecting a few self-centered bitches on here. Normal people think a lot differently. This thread is gross.

It is so gross, yet I can't stop reading!

I know! Me too.

[Anonymous]

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Also, SAHMs who say things like "our income" - it's not yours, it's your husband's.

You are an idiot. This is what is wrong with modern feminism. I will take 1920's feminism any day.

Um, if you are staying home doing all of the childcare and homemaking as your end of the deal and your husband is making the money as his end of the deal then saying "our income" is totally correct. And I'm a working mom who contributes 50% to our income but still recognize that being a SAHM is a job.

No, it's not. So when DH gets a raise or bonus for finishing a difficult project or solving a difficult problem at work, does the SAHM get to say, "Wow. we got a raise because we thought of a really great solution to that problem/difficult project." No, she does not. And for those of you that'll come back here saying that by her taking care of all the household things she gave him the ability to get that project done. You need to compare whether he would have completed that project if he were a single man living alone. He thought up whatever that project entailed - he was the creative or trained or talented mind that did it. That's why she doesn't earn that income.

she has every right to share ownership of the bank account where that icome was deposited (OUR money, OUR accounts) and share ownership of the assets (OUR house, OUR cars) because she does work as a SAHM and contributes equally to the household. But it's definitely NOT correct that it's equally her income.

That is idiotic. If you think there should be a "MINE!" attitude in marriage as opposed to we are working collectively to raise our family, you should not be married.

How in the world did you get that there should be a "MINE" attitude in marriage in my response? Seriously, did you read the whole thing? Let me repeat parts of it for you:

she has every right to share ownership of the bank account where that icome was deposited (OUR money, OUR accounts) and share ownership of the assets (OUR house, OUR cars) because she does work as a SAHM and contributes equally to the household. But it's definitely NOT correct that it's equally her income.

Let's go over that again for you using your words.....since you seemed to have missed that part:

You have every right to claim ownership in everything about the household - since you are working collectively to raise your family (see how I used your own words here?) but you did not EARN an INCOME from ABC Corporation. In other words, ABC Corporation DID NOT PAY YOU. See how that works? But, when your DH cashes HIS paycheck, it is jointly yours (if that's the way you both decided) as is everything else in your household.

[Anonymous]

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Also, SAHMs who say things like "our income" - it's not yours, it's your husband's.

You are an idiot. This is what is wrong with modern feminism. I will take 1920's feminism any day.

Um, if you are staying home doing all of the childcare and homemaking as your end of the deal and your husband is making the money as his end of the deal then saying "our income" is totally correct. And I'm a working mom who contributes 50% to our income but still recognize that being a SAHM is a job.

No, it's not. So when DH gets a raise or bonus for finishing a difficult project or solving a difficult problem at work, does the SAHM get to say, "Wow. we got a raise because we thought of a really great solution to that problem/difficult project." No, she does not. And for those of you that'll come back here saying that by her taking care of all the household things she gave him the ability to get that project done. You need to compare whether he would have completed that project if he were a single man living alone. He thought up whatever that project entailed - he was the creative or trained or talented mind that did it. That's why she doesn't earn that income.

she has every right to share ownership of the bank account where that icome was deposited (OUR money, OUR accounts) and share ownership of the assets (OUR house, OUR cars) because she does work as a SAHM and contributes equally to the household. But it's definitely NOT correct that it's equally her income.

That is idiotic. If you think there should be a "MINE!" attitude in marriage as opposed to we are working collectively to raise our family, you should not be married.

I don't have any problem with a family claiming a joint household income. It is the household income, regardless of where it comes from. If one spouse is contributing $0 to that household income, it's still just as much the household income as if both spouses are contributing the same monetary amount.

I am totally opposed to "We're pregnant" though. Slightly less opposed to "we're having a baby" except in the context of immediate updates regarding labor. Your family is welcoming a child, yes. You, DH, are not giving birth, or experiencing pregnancy. I'm all for dads being involved in prenatal stuff, but that one, for me, was too much.

[Anonymous]

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Also, SAHMs who say things like "our income" - it's not yours, it's your husband's.

You are an idiot. This is what is wrong with modern feminism. I will take 1920's feminism any day.

Um, if you are staying home doing all of the childcare and homemaking as your end of the deal and your husband is making the money as his end of the deal then saying "our income" is totally correct. And I'm a working mom who contributes 50% to our income but still recognize that being a SAHM is a job.

No, it's not. So when DH gets a raise or bonus for finishing a difficult project or solving a difficult problem at work, does the SAHM get to say, "Wow. we got a raise because we thought of a really great solution to that problem/difficult project." No, she does not. And for those of you that'll come back here saying that by her taking care of all the household things she gave him the ability to get that project done. You need to compare whether he would have completed that project if he were a single man living alone. He thought up whatever that project entailed - he was the creative or trained or talented mind that did it. That's why she doesn't earn that income.

she has every right to share ownership of the bank account where that icome was deposited (OUR money, OUR accounts) and share ownership of the assets (OUR house, OUR cars) because she does work as a SAHM and contributes equally to the household. But it's definitely NOT correct that it's equally her income.

That is idiotic. If you think there should be a "MINE!" attitude in marriage as opposed to we are working collectively to raise our family, you should not be married.

The grammar of the SAHMs responding here is laughable.

Like a pp, when I hear about a well-educated, professionally successful woman staying home with kids, I don't think "wow, how great!" but instead "what a waste - hope her parents/husband/etc didn't pay for those useless degrees." Then again, seems some of the SAH'ers responding here can barely put a sentence together. In that case, I'm not sure how them 'teaching' their kids is preferable to professional educators doing it, but I guess they need to justify their "jobs" somehow..

When your name is on the paycheck, it's yours. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Also, SAHMs who say things like "our income" - it's not yours, it's your husband's.

You are an idiot. This is what is wrong with modern feminism. I will take 1920's feminism any day.

Um, if you are staying home doing all of the childcare and homemaking as your end of the deal and your husband is making the money as his end of the deal then saying "our income" is totally correct. And I'm a working mom who contributes 50% to our income but still recognize that being a SAHM is a job.

No, it's not. So when DH gets a raise or bonus for finishing a difficult project or solving a difficult problem at work, does the SAHM get to say, "Wow. we got a raise because we thought of a really great solution to that problem/difficult project." No, she does not. And for those of you that'll come back here saying that by her taking care of all the household things she gave him the ability to get that project done. You need to compare whether he would have completed that project if he were a single man living alone. He thought up whatever that project entailed - he was the creative or trained or talented mind that did it. That's why she doesn't earn that income.

she has every right to share ownership of the bank account where that icome was deposited (OUR money, OUR accounts) and share ownership of the assets (OUR house, OUR cars) because she does work as a SAHM and contributes equally to the household. But it's definitely NOT correct that it's equally her income.

That is idiotic. If you think there should be a "MINE!" attitude in marriage as opposed to we are working collectively to raise our family, you should not be married.

How in the world did you get that there should be a "MINE" attitude in marriage in my response? Seriously, did you read the whole thing? Let me repeat parts of it for you:

she has every right to share ownership of the bank account where that icome was deposited (OUR money, OUR accounts) and share ownership of the assets (OUR house, OUR cars) because she does work as a SAHM and contributes equally to the household. But it's definitely NOT correct that it's equally her income.

Let's go over that again for you using your words.....since you seemed to have missed that part:

You have every right to claim ownership in everything about the household - since you are working collectively to raise your family (see how I used your own words here?) but you did not EARN an INCOME from ABC Corporation. In other words, ABC Corporation DID NOT PAY YOU. See how that works? But, when your DH cashes HIS paycheck, it is jointly yours (if that's the way you both decided) as is everything else in your household.

Her brain is mush, pp. You're wasting your time (though I completely agree with you).

[Anonymous]

I don't have any problem with a family claiming a joint household income. It is the household income, regardless of where it comes from. If one spouse is contributing $0 to that household income, it's still just as much the household income as if both spouses are contributing the same monetary amount.

I am totally opposed to "We're pregnant" though. Slightly less opposed to "we're having a baby" except in the context of immediate updates regarding labor. Your family is welcoming a child, yes. You, DH, are not giving birth, or experiencing pregnancy. I'm all for dads being involved in prenatal stuff, but that one, for me, was too much.

me again. there's a difference between saying "our household income is $100,000" and "we earn $100,000"
That's what people are bothered by. you both did not bring into the household $100,000. that was what your DH earned. It is exactly like "we're pregnant" - it's the same concept. If you take that example further out and apply it to your statement: "if one spouse is not pregnant (contributing $0 to that household income), it's still as much the family baby as if both spouses were pregnant"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are missing the point. No one *says* these things to anyone. What's wrong with having an opinion about something that is different from yours? As long as it's not expressed, where's the harm?

The thing is, I would bet a good many people who are vocalizing these "confessions" are total hypocrites in their real life. It may be one thing if they're publicly opinion-less, but I can't imagine remaining friends with someone who was so hurtfully two-faced in public, vs. private - like the racist and bigots.

If you're afraid to be forthcoming about your real beliefs, you're a coward. If you really believe you're "right" in your beliefs, at least have some integrity and be open about them - horrid as they are.

[Anonymous]

gay marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are missing the point. No one *says* these things to anyone. What's wrong with having an opinion about something that is different from yours? As long as it's not expressed, where's the harm?

The thing is, I would bet a good many people who are vocalizing these "confessions" are total hypocrites in their real life. It may be one thing if they're publicly opinion-less, but I can't imagine remaining friends with someone who was so hurtfully two-faced in public, vs. private - like the racist and bigots.

If you're afraid to be forthcoming about your real beliefs, you're a coward. If you really believe you're "right" in your beliefs, at least have some integrity and be open about them - horrid as they are.

Agree 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't have any problem with a family claiming a joint household income. It is the household income, regardless of where it comes from. If one spouse is contributing $0 to that household income, it's still just as much the household income as if both spouses are contributing the same monetary amount.

I am totally opposed to "We're pregnant" though. Slightly less opposed to "we're having a baby" except in the context of immediate updates regarding labor. Your family is welcoming a child, yes. You, DH, are not giving birth, or experiencing pregnancy. I'm all for dads being involved in prenatal stuff, but that one, for me, was too much.

me again. there's a difference between saying "our household income is $100,000" and "we earn $100,000"
That's what people are bothered by. you both did not bring into the household $100,000. that was what your DH earned. It is exactly like "we're pregnant" - it's the same concept. If you take that example further out and apply it to your statement: "if one spouse is not pregnant (contributing $0 to that household income), it's still as much the family baby as if both spouses were pregnant"

I agree. And while I would never claim to have "earned" DH's income, I have no problem saying, "We finally saved enough for a bigger house!" because I still manage the budget, control expenses, and avoid frivolous spending in order to help us save the money. Likewise, I would never say "we" got a nice bonus this year, but I would say "we are using our tax refund to buy a new patio set."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:gay marriage

So you're going to keep saying that until someone starts arguing with you about it?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Moms who work FT "by choice", gay marriage, any sort of weird diet that is not related to food allergy/intolerance (vegan, vegetarian, gluten free, etc.), people who drive cars that are disproportionately nice compared to their house.

I could go on and on. I'm quite judgy, but know better than to tell people!

Ooh ooh, I am a mom who's always worked full time by choice. Do you think it's not really my choice, or that all women should SAH or WOH PT once they become parents? How totally weird.

I know it's totally your choice, that you could easily afford to stay home with your children and don't. That is why I judge. Women who truly must work to cover basic bills, I feel sorry for.

I'm not the above poster, but I actually completely understand this, because I have the opposite view: I am completely disdainful of women who are well-educated and come from impressive professions who give that up to stay at home with their kids. Why would anyone choose to give up a fabulous career to stay at home? Women who didn't make much money or had crappy jobs, "I feel sorry for." So I guess it's not surprising that there are SAHMs that feel the same way about us "by choice" working women!

I used to feel judgmental about women who didn't have a career and just stayed home with the kids. I couldn't understand why they wouldn't want that intellectual stimulation. Then I had my kids. I would do anything to be able to stay home with them and take care of them and play with them and snuggle with them every day. Unfortunately our budget can only stretch to one of us doing that and it makes most sense for that person to be my husband. Now I find myself on the other side of the fence. I'm a working mom and yet I secretly judge other working moms who are working by choice when they could easily stay home and take care of their kids. So lucky to be able to do that - best job in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:gay marriage

That's IT. Go to your room, NOW.

[Anonymous]

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Nope; I mean what I wrote as it pertains to interracial marriages/unions. Not sure why that's so hard to comprehend.

OP, people keep asking you because your responses don't make sense. I still don't understand what "discord" you have witnessed, nor what "watering down of culture."

The part you're missing is that I don't HAVE to justify my opinion. My opinion is just that and it won't change. It's also almost certain you won't agree with any reason I give, so why would I bother?

How about you allow me to just have my opinion? I don't voice it to others (unless asked) and you'd never know I disapprove, so that is enough. You can't force everyone to agree with your life choices; you can only ask that they don't attack/insult you because of them.

You're entitled to your opinion, but you must at least admit that it's irrational. You say it's not "looks" that determine why you're against "interracial" marriage, but "culture." Then you say it's not inter-cultural marriage you're opposed to. So then what is it?

You can have your beliefs, but you must admit you're incapable of actually supporting and backing up why you hold those beliefs.

I can support them. Just because my reasons don't rise to the level of what you find rational does not mean I don't have my reasons.

Some of them are:

-it creates discord
- it results in loss of culture identity (Ex: black/white child: will not have the same cultural appreciation for their heritage. Same with other races Chinese/white, etc).
-children sometimes have identity crisis issues (accepted by some, not by others, never knowing where they fit in, being racially militant to overcompensate for their insecurities, etc)
-it creates discord *beyond* the parent/child relationship. In-law relationships (which can be tough anyway) are difficult; relating to and/or finding common ground can be an issue, etc.

I have other reasons; these are just a few. Again, you don't have to accept them (or understand them).

I'm a mixed/biracial women. The only "discord" was because of my mom's racist and bigoted family - which isn't actually a justified reason to be against mixed marriages. Personally, I think being mixed is the biggest blessing. You look at all the problems in the world, and most surround arbitrary identities. Being mixed, one easily understands what truly matters when it comes to humanity and their manmade divisions.

When I see mixed children, it warms my heart in a way that I can't describe. As a mixed women, I feel happy for the open and embracing people they will most likely grow up to be.

Thankfully, the racists are being thinned out. I don't see anything negative being lost by thinning out the "cultural identity" of racists.

I'm glad you had a positive experience. But you do realize you aren't the only biracial person in the world, right? And your comment about your Mom's racist family speaks to my point about in-law relationships.

Again, glad it worked out for you, but not really seeing how seeing mixed children warms your heart any more than seeing any child.

You do realize that any source of racism like yours is due to the wrongful attitudes of others, and not inherently about the experience of being mixed? What do you suggest - that people cower to racists like you, for fear of their racist judgment?

As I said, I feel so incredibly lucky being mixed - it's not because of anything my parents did, but because they connected and fell in love based on their similar experiences, despite coming from different cultures, countries, skin colors, and religions. We were blessed to grow up in such an informed family that emphasized love based on an individual, rather than manmade and artificial categories. It warms my heart to see any child to grow up with those blessings. Those realizations about humanity's commonalities come so much easier and naturally to mixed and biracial children - because you see it literally every day.

Again, glad you had a great experience. Please know that it is not the same for everyone and realize that the "racist" insult has no effect when it is not applicable. You can have differing opinions without being racist. Your "manmade and artificial categories" is actually indicative of the cultural watering down that I was talking about.

OP, you are an idiot. Do you oppose Chinese people marrying other Chinese people if one comes from Taiwan and another from Hong Kong? What if one speaks Mandarin and another Cantonese? Do you oppose the marriage of a white American born and raised in San Diego with hippy liberal Unitarian parents to a white American born and raised in Mississippi to conservative, Evangelical parents? Do you oppose the marriage of a poor black person raised on a rural farm in Virginia to a black person whose parents were diplomats from Cameroon who grew up going to international schools in Geneva and Paris? If you are going to limit people to marriage within their "culture" we will all be inbred within 2 generations.

What about me? I am the product of an interracial marriage. Who am I allowed to marry? Only another person with my same biracial makeup?

If you "secretly oppose" something but can't voice these opinions out loud, you should consider that it is because your opinions are repugnant to the vast majority of people.