How often do you travel to see close family members without kids?

[Anonymous]

I have 3 DCs, the oldest is 4 and the youngest is 6 months old. My sister and BIL don't have children yet. They live a 1.5hr plane ride away from where I (and all the rest of my immediate family) live. DH and I have gone to visit them about 5 times in the 2 years hey have lived there. They have come here many more times. DH and I had planned to visit them this summer and my parents offered to stay with my DCs. Now I'm getting pressure to take DC#1 and 2 with me. It's really hard to travel with 2 young children. We'd have to bring a pack n' play and 2 car seats and we'd probably have to rent a car. We'd also have to pay for 4 plane tickets which is a lot more expensive than 2. I understand they want to see the children and they come to see us much more often but it's SO much easier for them to travel than for us. I don't want to be difficult just because I have children and they don't but I also really don't want to take the children.

[Anonymous]

Usually my sister with three kids visits where we live (and rest of immediate family). We are 12 hrs by car. We buy air mattresses and borrow play pens. I think it's a break for her to leave home and not cook for a week. If they flew it would $$$ but they have a minivan and drive. Now her kids are 8, 5, 2.

[Anonymous]

Never, but all my siblings have kids and our trips are more about the kids hanging out than me hanging out with my sibs.

Unless it is a place that has a lot of kid focused activities, I wouldn't bring them. That's a lot of money to spend in young children and they would probably be bored.

Also, my kids sleep is pretty bad for the first two nights when traveling. So if you are thinking a short trip, your evenings from 7-930 might be spent laying beside your child's pack and play holding a hand or rubbing a back. Mine squally are.

[Anonymous]

I never travel without my kids.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I guess the title of the thread should have been: if you have children and you have close family who doesn't, do they travel to see you more than you travel to see them?

As I said, I don't want to be that annoying person who makes everyone come to them just because we have children, but it IS much harder and more expensive for us to travel than for them.

[Anonymous]

Dude, it'll cost you twice as much to bring the kids. I have to imagine it'd be nice to spend some time with your sis and BIL without watching the kids. So just be straight with your sister about it. Tell her that if you're going to travel it's easier (AT THIS POINT) to do it without the kids. If she really wants to see the kids, she can come to you, but you and DH would be more than happy to come up and visit with them and have some adult time. It's possible a few years in the future they'll be the ones with little kids and you'll be in the easier place of heading out their way more often.

[Anonymous]

I think you're doing great to see them as frequently as you do. If it doesn't work for you to go with the kids this summer, I think you can suggest to them that if they want to see the kids, it would be better if they came here.

Our parents do more of the traveling now, but when they get older, that will change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dude, it'll cost you twice as much to bring the kids. I have to imagine it'd be nice to spend some time with your sis and BIL without watching the kids. So just be straight with your sister about it. Tell her that if you're going to travel it's easier (AT THIS POINT) to do it without the kids. If she really wants to see the kids, she can come to you, but you and DH would be more than happy to come up and visit with them and have some adult time. It's possible a few years in the future they'll be the ones with little kids and you'll be in the easier place of heading out their way more often.

Thanks! This is what I'm trying to do but I'm being told (not by sis) that it isn't fair to make them do all the traveling to see the children. Although it isn't sis who is telling me that I think she probably feels like that somewhat too but won't say it to me. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable here. Yes, in the future it will be reversed when she has young children and I would definitely go there more often then. She and BIL are a little short-sighted though and honestly have NO clue how hard it is to have 3 children under 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dude, it'll cost you twice as much to bring the kids. I have to imagine it'd be nice to spend some time with your sis and BIL without watching the kids. So just be straight with your sister about it. Tell her that if you're going to travel it's easier (AT THIS POINT) to do it without the kids. If she really wants to see the kids, she can come to you, but you and DH would be more than happy to come up and visit with them and have some adult time. It's possible a few years in the future they'll be the ones with little kids and you'll be in the easier place of heading out their way more often.

Thanks! This is what I'm trying to do but I'm being told (not by sis) that it isn't fair to make them do all the traveling to see the children. Although it isn't sis who is telling me that I think she probably feels like that somewhat too but won't say it to me. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable here. Yes, in the future it will be reversed when she has young children and I would definitely go there more often then. She and BIL are a little short-sighted though and honestly have NO clue how hard it is to have 3 children under 4.

Don't let other people (especially your parents) get in your relationship with your sister. If you have a close and honest relationship with her, then you can tell her everything that you've written here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dude, it'll cost you twice as much to bring the kids. I have to imagine it'd be nice to spend some time with your sis and BIL without watching the kids. So just be straight with your sister about it. Tell her that if you're going to travel it's easier (AT THIS POINT) to do it without the kids. If she really wants to see the kids, she can come to you, but you and DH would be more than happy to come up and visit with them and have some adult time. It's possible a few years in the future they'll be the ones with little kids and you'll be in the easier place of heading out their way more often.

Thanks! This is what I'm trying to do but I'm being told (not by sis) that it isn't fair to make them do all the traveling to see the children. Although it isn't sis who is telling me that I think she probably feels like that somewhat too but won't say it to me. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable here. Yes, in the future it will be reversed when she has young children and I would definitely go there more often then. She and BIL are a little short-sighted though and honestly have NO clue how hard it is to have 3 children under 4.

PP here. As my mom would say "Life's not fair." I have a sister who is 5 years younger and single, and I know sometimes she feels put upon to come visit me and the kids. Decency and a good relationship require acknowledging the basic unfairness and then talking about what you can reasonably do. Thank her for putting up with it now and talk about plans for how things can change in the near future ("Maybe when youngest is 2 we can all come up to your place/ meet at a beach/ go to Disney World/ whatever"). And then you follow through on that when it makes sense. In the meantime the fairest thing you can do is to be sure to let your sister how much you appreciate her and how lucky the kids are to have such a great aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess the title of the thread should have been: if you have children and you have close family who doesn't, do they travel to see you more than you travel to see them?

As I said, I don't want to be that annoying person who makes everyone come to them just because we have children, but it IS much harder and more expensive for us to travel than for them.

It sounds like your sibs DO travel to see you more than you travel to see them.

That said, if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Don't feel guilty about it. It is great, though, that they want to see the kids, so perhaps figure out how many times a year you can afford to travel to see them with the kids, and let them know. It's not cool to expect them to do all the travelling, so let them know what your limitations are and do your best to be accomodating to the extent you can.

[Anonymous]

We've only taken our DD to see his parents/sibling and wife once. It's 3000 miles away and plane tickets are ridiculous. Plus, sibling and wife never once came to us when our DD was little before they had kids. And they lived in NYC at the time.

[Anonymous]

OP, you said in your first post that your family members do visit you more than you visit them.

What is it that you want? To never go see them and to always have them be the ones who travel to see you?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they already visit you more.

No, just because you have kids does not mean they should travel more often to see you.

However, it's your decision whether you want to lug the kids with you.

Are you sure they aren't just trying to make sure you know that the kids are welcome?

Or maybe your parents don't actually want to babysit the kids, and this is their way of trying to tell you that? Are they old, and maybe either they, or your sister, or both, think they are not up to the task?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess the title of the thread should have been: if you have children and you have close family who doesn't, do they travel to see you more than you travel to see them?

As I said, I don't want to be that annoying person who makes everyone come to them just because we have children, but it IS much harder and more expensive for us to travel than for them.

We travel about the same amount. Nobody's keeping score of who's turn it is. I'm the one who doesn't travel without my kids (I'm not ready to be away from them overnight).