How to help a kid who isn't good at sports
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Anonymous
| DS is 10, an excellent student, and terrible at sports. He cannot or does not feel that he can join the gang of sporty boys in his grade who hang together at recess playing soccer and such. One or two of the kids sneer at him for not being good at sports. He puts up defenses against this that aren't the best but most importantly just feels lousy about how the sports affects his standing in the social ladder. How can we practically help? We don't care about it at all but he lives in a world where it does seem to matter. Being a bit of an academic superstar does not seem to be at all helpful. Its not how one gains position in the world of 10-11 year old boys. I hate thinking like this! |
Anonymous
| At his age he (and all kids) should know how to throw a ball, catch a ball, shoot a hoop, kick a ball, hit a ball. Spend a lot of time outside playing with him so he can practice. If has these basics down, he can play sports. Doesn't have to be scholarship material, just able to pass and shoot. He'll be more confident and able to hold how own with his peers if he gets lots of practice in a non-threatening environment like at home. |
Anonymous
| PP, he can do all those things. But if you put him with a group of kids playing, he looks out of sync! He has no aggressive instinct and just sort of misses the quick reflex thing… |
Anonymous
| In other words, DS does fine on drills. But a real game situation is different. (For him.) |
Anonymous
| You described my 10 yr old DS exactly and he struggles with same. Look at individual sports like tennis, golf, etc and get him thinking that's his thing. It will give him something to latch onto when kids start talking about their sports. |
Anonymous
| At that age both of my kids hated sports and were not good at them. They now play 3 sports each in HS. Not the most competitive ones, but they love being part of a team. I'm sure the initial motivation was social, but I feel their love of their various sports is genuine. I did not push them, but I did tell them they needed to be involved in something and they worked very hard to catch up on the skills. Whether it is through sports, music or another activity the key is finding something that will help them fit in and build confidence. Give him time and support his interests - something may click when you least expect it. |
Anonymous
| I also tell my kid to find the kids who aren't playing sports and hang with them. There are always a few quirky, if not the most "cool" kids at most schools. I know this is hard as we often hear it from DS. |
Anonymous
This was my son, too - although while perfectly smart he's not an academic superstar either  Your son can find other kids to play with at recess - and there definitely are other non-sporty kids, even at the smallest private school. Or, in my son's case, he really wanted to play the sports activities - so he kept practicing and practicing at one sport in particular (basketball) and now he can hold his own when playing at recess. Is he the best player - I'm sure not even close. But he can at least do what he wants to do at recess. My son does join in playing other sporty games at recess too and there probably are a few kids who are snotty about his lack of athletic prowess, but most kids don't care who is out there playing so long as there are enough for a game. In your son's case, I wonder if he is getting in his own way a bit - he's used to being the superstar student so maybe he's not used to not being a superstar in the games.
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Anonymous
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My DS was this way. I told him to pick one full-body sport and one fine motor skill sport and we agreed to help him get really good at them.
He picked basketball and golf. I'll be honest - I got much better at basketball than I EVER thought I would from shooting baskets with him for at least an hour each day. He got ... decent at both. Not great, but decent enough to play a casual pickup game with others. Our younger DS taught him some basic soccer skills. He never got good at that either. And luckily the time he tripped over the air and fell chin-first was among family rather than at school. But he can draw other kids playing soccer, and it turns out he's a great piano player and mini-golfer. He got together with some really good friends, and they stuck up for him. |
Anonymous
If this is true, its probably nerves and lack of confidence. The best thing would be a lower level rec league that focuses on making sports fun over winning and losing. If he's not an elite athlete for his grade, it could also be that he's young too. My experience has been that the better athletes at each grade are kids who are 6-9 months older than their peers. Just focus on getting your kid to have FUN at sports. If playing sports is stressful and he's worried about making a mistake, he'll do worse. If he's having fun, having some success, and also "surviving" failure in a rec league, he'll probably get better. In short, have fun, gain confidence, and hopefully he won't be the last kid picked. |
Anonymous
| Have you put him on a soccer team? Put him in a soccer camp? |
Anonymous
+1 A lower level rec league would be good for building his confidence while actually playing
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Anonymous
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Put him in camp in a few sports - make sure it is rec and not travel oriented.
Maybe in the fall, sign him up for rec in a different town. Then if they sneer it doesn't matter. More schlepping but possibly worth it. (Worked wonders for us with an athletic kid who is very nerdy and gets picked on by jock boys) |
Anonymous
| my 10 year old is like this...He has recently discovered track-we live outside of DC and they have a track program for K-8-and LOVES tennis, and golf but not as much as tennis. He starts MS next year and cannot wait to join the track team. Tennis in HS..surprisingly he has taken to Judo too. My middle son only takes martial arts-Tae Kwon Do, Judo, Jujitsu...he is beginning to join tournaments. My third is a jock-loves them all and good at all of them..swim team is great too. Try everything-you never know. |
Anonymous
This is what I was going to say. My experience in life is that people are generally accepting of others who are confident, regardless of their actual abilities. If your DS wants to join these games, work with him on making contact with the kids, dealing with rejection without quitting etc. Unless he is a pariah, I'm sure he will eventually be able to play with them sooner rather than later -- but it doesn't sound like he will actually like that, since being competitive doesn't seem like his style. I personally HATE competitive sports. Why would I want a bunch of people all up in my face trying to take a ball away from me or block my efforts to score? What a drag..... |