financial advisor for a trust fund challenged couple
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Anonymous
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by trust fund challenged, I mean that there is one, but we won't see anything from it til way later in life, (if ever, god knows,) and yet my DH still feels like he doesn't need to do any financial planning. We've been married several years, have two children, and are very very very behind on our finances. I have been too passive, and am realizing we need to step it up seriously if we ever hope to get our act together. I've tried several times, from trying to implement a budget, tracking spending, savings, etc, but we are not disciplined enough about it, and i really would like to have someone to meet with to keep us on track. I found someone over a year ago to advise us professionally, but they were not a good fit. As shocked as I was to realize this, they were intimidated by what they thought my DH net worth *might* be on paper after all is said and done, decades down the road, and the fact we had some cash in hand at the time. They actually said, 'Oh well, you probably don't need to worry about retirement as much as others do.' This is *exactly* the sort of non-logic that terrifies me, as it encourages my DH bad habits. We are far from financial stability, basically living paycheck to paycheck with max three-four months savings and pretty minimal 401k (<30k at age 35). On the upside we have paid off major educational debt and don't carry credit card debt. We have two functioning cars. We are also in a house that we won't fit in much longer, in an area with bad schools, and fairly high crime. I have suggested we use equity from our house, which we have a good amount of (400k) to borrow for a down payment on another house, but that is going nowhere with my husband. I feel like I have been hitting my head against the wall, I just want to feel like we are being responsible parents, and I personally would like to move in the next 24 months. I need a recommendation for a financial advisor (not a joker pretending to be one like the one we met already!) who can break my DH out of his rut and allow us to create our own solid foundation separate from whatever might play out later. I can't gamble with my children's future like this.
While I realize to many on this forum, I will be the butt of jokes for posting this, I hope that there might be one or two decent responses. We are EOTP and work downtown; someone downtown would be amazing. |
Anonymous
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OP here, a little more info if it helps, we are making 120-130k. Incomes may grow incrementally, but neither of us are in industries or positions that will see some of the incomes typical of this region. We will probably max out around 200k-250k combined 6-10 yrs from now, when we are mid forties, and our children are approaching teenage years. We are saving a minor amount for their college.
I don't know the details of the trust nor do I care. I don't even know if my husband does. I do know that I feel uncomfortable. I feel we need to plan for the situation we are living in, not the pie in the sky scenario. But it seems to me that there is a lot that could change on that front, from trust get hammered in the market, taxed beyond recognition, etc. |
Anonymous
| You need to protect yourself, stat. This money is his, not yours. What happens if you get divorced? You'll have nothing but he'll be fine. Do you have a 401k? Max it out. And open a savings account with your name only. |
Anonymous
| ^^*this trust money is his |
Anonymous
| Yes, I realize that. I also know that we are much more likely to end up divorced if we don't come up with a better game plan than the lack of one currently. This is actually an attempt to protect all of us, and protect our future together as an intact family. |
Anonymous
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I don't follow; your finances are not in order but you want to buy a bigger house?
The answer to your husbands argument by the way is this: if your husband does before you, the trust may not go to you. Therefore you can't rely on it. Unless he does have a copy of the trust and actually knows the details this seems a very fair argument. If he has siblings as well, these things can get dragged out in court, trust or no trust. For context I know there's a trust for me(only child) that's probably in the $5 to $10 range. I don't know exactly and I don't ask. Nevertheless, I save $50k a year. The odds of me not getting the trust are low, but there's always a non zero risk. Sounds like your trust might be more like $100M, in which case I'd worry about litigation from family. |
Anonymous
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Why are you buying a bigger house? The Brady bunch lived in a three bedroom. Two kids, you can fit in a two bedroom no problem.
Take that money you'd spend on a bigger house and beef up your own 401k. Have the beneficiaries be the kids. Pay less for college saving in order to beef up your own savings. Chances are, if something happens to your dh, the trust you will go to your kids, not you. So worry mostly about your own retirement. |
Anonymous
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I guess the point of my question was: Is there an advisor someone can recommend, who can help us get on the same page? I think it would be helpful to be a third party who can help a married team develop their joint goals, regardless of family money which may or may not come into play. As others have rightly pointed out, it is better if I act as if that does not exist.
I guess I could start with our accountant, who has, overall a good sense of things, or just go to someone on my own. It is not that I want a bigger house, more that we live in an area with high crime and bad schools. It is not a good place for children. I hear gunshots several times a week. |
Anonymous
| Maybe start with the accountant and go from there? |
Anonymous
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Hi OP:
First, I like my financial planner, her name is Tracey Vollmer and she works both downtown and in Reston. So you certainly can contact her. But I feel like maybe what you're looking for is someone who is sort of the equivalent of a personal trainer, except with finances? Just judging from your comments, it seems like you're looking for some outside person who will keep you and your husband on the right track (I'm not trying to be critical of that desire AT ALL, just trying to make sure I understand what you're looking for.) And, I'm not totally sure that is what a financial planner does. Granted, I do not have the kind of money that you are talking about! But in my (limited) experience, the financial planners are good at making plans, but it is still up to you to execute them. So, even with a financial planner, you and your husband will still have to draw upon your own personal resolve to do things like, say, budgeting. That being said, having a framework may be just the thing to jumpstart your planning -- it's kind of hard to create a roadmap when you don't really know where you're going. If the financial planner says, look, you should have $xxx,xxx in your 401(k) by age 45, then you'll have a direction to go. When/if you get to the stage where you want to tackle household again, I use a program called YNAB (you need a budget) and though it has some quirks, I like it because it is not focused so much on what you just spent, but what you're *going to spend.* It might be worth checking out. |
Anonymous
Thanks for both of these! Very helpful! It is the framework we are looking for, and while we have been tracking our spending, it is more as you pointed out, about future choices. For example, considering that I really feel we need to move at some point, how much do we spend on house maintenance vs. downpayment vs 401k. Those are the types of questions we are getting overwhelmed with, and I think our different financial backgrounds don't help. But what couple doesn't have differences in their approaches to money / savings / etc. I'd like to find someone who can help us, in a money coach sort of way, navigate some of these decisions and try to weigh one over the other. That might not be realistic, but perhaps a financial planner can at least help us outline choices. Thank you again for the helpful response. |
Anonymous
| Why would you not know details about the trust? If this is something your husband is relying on for retirement and college accounts then why are you sticking your head in the sand about it. You need to get details about the trust. If your husband doesn't even know the details then he needs to. How do you expect your husband to get finances together when he has this (mythical) money of some amount coming to him at some time? If you two know the details then you can begin to budget and plan. |
Anonymous
I agree you should know the details. Yes, you should operate and save now as if it doesn't exist, but for some things, like college planning, you need to know how much you can count on this. You could save for for retirement for example if your kids are well provided for. Generally, family trusts are not set u in a way that benefits spouses. They tend to benefit the blooms relatives, and if anything protect the money from being taken by spouses in case of divorce, death, etc. |
Anonymous
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So your DH doesn't really have a "trust fund" - he's expecting a large inheritance that happens to be held in a trust, right?
You need to live your own lives on the money you have now. Find a fee-only financial planner, stat. |
Anonymous
That is what the OP has been asking for, about five times now.  The NAMES of financial planners that we recommend? I surely can't be the only one who can recommend an actual financial planner. Everyone is getting hung up on the details about this trust, but I don't think she's asking our opinions on that.
(Sorry OP, to speak for you) |