Worried Mom Over Preschool Teachers' Tactics

[Anonymous]

At my son's preschool I hear the teachers when they are disciplining the kids sometimes. Oftentimes they don't see me when I'm observing these incidents. Little Peter can't seem to stop fidgeting so the teacher, her voice rising almost to the level of yelling, says, "Peter, get back in your seat NOW." Kendra is tired in the middle of the day so she puts her head down on the carpet. But the teacher comes over and says, "GET UP." No please, no "Can you get up?" just a very firm, "GET UP." No regard as to whether she might be ill, be tired because she had a nightmare last night, etc...Terry is lagging behind in his line and distracted chatting with the boy in front of him so he holds up the line a bit. Teacher yells, "TURN AROUND AND KEEP WALKING!!" One other little boy clearly has sensory issues so he just can not keep still in his chair sometimes. He is repeatedly punished for this - scolded, reprimanded, things taken away from him ( I know about sensory issues because my son has a mild case too). But, in front of parents, they are so much milder towards kids. We do positive discipline at home. So this seems a bit severe to us. I don't want my child to be coerced into appropriate behavior through intimidation or fear or through punitive measures such as a toy being taken away.

Our preschool does not allow people to come in and 'watch' their kids without their knowledge or permission. I only learned of these incidents because the administrator and I occasionally had to go to the back room to get something together or I was able to peek through the main door and witness this.

Sorry for the capitalized letters, I was simply trying to show the loudness and firmness of their voices. But is this typical of most preschools? Have any of you ever caught your kids preschool teachers being more firm or mean than they are in front of parents? Where is the accountability for these teachers? How do parents truly know how their kids are being treated overall when their kids are too young to express exactly what's happening?

[Anonymous]

Well at the center I was working at they did the same thing, but would hold their arms firmly to the side or hold their faces to look at the teachers. I quit after working there for a month. The kids only listened when being yelled at(sorry being firm) and therefore did not listen to me at all because I was not yelling. I was told that if I was not "firm" they would be replacing me with someone who could "handle" the classroom. To me it was borderline abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: How do parents truly know how their kids are being treated overall when their kids are too young to express exactly what's happening?

They don't. This is why frequent observations from parents are very important. And you need to be comfortable in general with what you observe when you visit.

This preschool does not sound like one I'd send my child to.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the preschool. I have been to quite a few preschools and taught at some myself. Some preschools, you can tell that the teachers are passionate about teaching, love children, understand that you can get a child to listen without ever raising your voice, their trained, have taken the 90 hour course, have an involved director, etc. Then there are schools where it seems that they will hire people that aren't to happy with themselves, maybe insecure, and have a drill seargant mentality with these little guys and it makes you cringe when you see it. Personally, just an opinion, I don't have kids yet, but there are so many nurturing environments at schools. Find one where your child is not going to be reprimanded or afraid to be yelled at. I, believe in children listening, behaving, consequences, and all that stuff, but believe that you never need to raise your voice to get that message across. These are the years where their self esteem is formed. It seems like your child might be at a school, where that is not their first priority. Remember, elementary school teachers need degrees, preschool teachers don't. Some directors really hire based on experience and training. I know, I'm babbling but to answer your question, NO, all schools don't act this way. I know teachers that wouldn't dare belittle the kids. Good luck. Sorry about all my typos.

[Anonymous]

This is one reason I like our co-op preschool. There is always a parent in the classroom, and I'm in there myself on a regular basis and can see the teacher's methods myself. She definitely personalizes "discipline" (direction?) for each child and his or her particular issues, and the atmosphere feels very nurturing.

I've also been very happy with one daycare where parents were in and out a lot.

If you're not comfortable with what you've seen, I'd move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At my son's preschool I hear the teachers when they are disciplining the kids sometimes. Oftentimes they don't see me when I'm observing these incidents. Little Peter can't seem to stop fidgeting so the teacher, her voice rising almost to the level of yelling, says, "Peter, get back in your seat NOW." Kendra is tired in the middle of the day so she puts her head down on the carpet. But the teacher comes over and says, "GET UP." No please, no "Can you get up?" just a very firm, "GET UP." No regard as to whether she might be ill, be tired because she had a nightmare last night, etc...Terry is lagging behind in his line and distracted chatting with the boy in front of him so he holds up the line a bit. Teacher yells, "TURN AROUND AND KEEP WALKING!!" One other little boy clearly has sensory issues so he just can not keep still in his chair sometimes. He is repeatedly punished for this - scolded, reprimanded, things taken away from him ( I know about sensory issues because my son has a mild case too). But, in front of parents, they are so much milder towards kids. We do positive discipline at home. So this seems a bit severe to us. I don't want my child to be coerced into appropriate behavior through intimidation or fear or through punitive measures such as a toy being taken away.

Our preschool does not allow people to come in and 'watch' their kids without their knowledge or permission. I only learned of these incidents because the administrator and I occasionally had to go to the back room to get something together or I was able to peek through the main door and witness this.

Sorry for the capitalized letters, I was simply trying to show the loudness and firmness of their voices. But is this typical of most preschools? Have any of you ever caught your kids preschool teachers being more firm or mean than they are in front of parents? Where is the accountability for these teachers? How do parents truly know how their kids are being treated overall when their kids are too young to express exactly what's happening?

OP - the preschool doesn't allow surprise or unannounced observations? To me, that is strange. Also, when you were viewing different schools, did you know that this particular one had these type of discipline measures?

As for the tough love tactics by the teachers...there are pros/cons to it. One one hand it seems heartless, but on the other hand it is effective.

Is the class size too big? Maybe that is why the teacher doesn't have time to figure out why Kendra is feeling sleepy. Does the teacher really have the opportunity to take the 5 minutes and figure out why Kendra is tired when there is a room full of other kids that need monitoring, instruction, attention, etc. ? Who knows, maybe the teacher has already discussed Kendra's issue with the parents already.

[Anonymous]

Not allowing parents to drop in is a big red flad in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Do you mean that the parents of the children in the class aren't allowed to come into the classroom unless given permission from the director (or classroom teacher)? If so, that would be a "deal breaker" for me as a parent. Now, I can understand a few situations where my presence would be a nuisance or distracting but it shouldn't be a policy that parents aren't allowed in their own children's classrooms. I would talk to the director and if he/she doesn't seem open to discussion, start looking at other schools.

[Anonymous]

I want to know the same of the school!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to know the same of the school!

Actually, the name is what I want... typo. I haven't had my coffee yet.

[Anonymous]

I would be worried too. We moved our child from a preschool/daycare like the one you described to one where the teachers used positive redirection without raised voices. The teachers were truly outstanding at the second school and we could feel the difference from the moment that we walked in for our tour (even though the facilities were not nearly as good).

Moving our child made a world of difference in his attitude toward school and his attitude toward us at home.

The situation you describe is not ok. Find a better place for your child.

[Anonymous]

Big red flags waving all over.

I am always amazed that our preschool teachers never ever raise their voices, and yet the kids listen so much better than at home. The compassion of the teachers and the problem-solving skills they have is unbelievable.

Parents are always welcome - stay late during drop-off, come early, join us for lunch, anything. I trust these teachers with my kids' lives because I have seen how they work and they are wonderful.

Look for a school with NAEYC accredidation. The teachers must go through appropriate training and understand child development. It is so important for kids to have excellent, warm, compassionate teachers who really love kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to know the same of the school!

Actually, the name is what I want... typo. I haven't had my coffee yet.

What good would the name do? There are many schools like this. Really, just investigate the school and if they have a problem with in the classroom, they probably have something to hide. There are many schools, unfortunately where teachers yell, and should not be in the field. Also, naming the school, deters people from that particular school from an anonymous person where there is no accountability. I've always agreed with Jeff, that if we want to call someone out, we need to state our name. The school might have lots of happy parents there, because they have steady enrollment. I don't agree with the way their teachers handle things, but it needs to be handled within, not on a forum with no accountability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not allowing parents to drop in is a big red flad in my opinion.

Yup! At my son's school you can come in whever you want (except nap time). I have a very odd schedule, so I've come at every possible time and have never observed such treatment.

I would not be taking my child to the above described "school".

[Anonymous]

Red flags, red flags, red flags!

Now I plan on stopping by my son's new preschool often to see if this happens. There are some limitations on parents visiting, but from what they told me it is reasoble - naptime (which makes perfect sense).