If you tried drugs growing up...

[Anonymous]

If you tried drugs growing up, what will you tell your children about drugs? If your kids ask you outright, "Did you ever try drugs?" What will you tell them?

[Anonymous]

My brother has failed out of rehab 6 times so they can see first hand the effect of drug use on every part of your life. Hopefully that will be enough, but if not and they ask I will tell them what I tried. My parents grew up in the 70's and it was no mystery that they used drugs. It didn't influence my decisions.

[Anonymous]

I will admit to weed and drinking underage (with the understanding that the drinking age was 18 at the time).

They will talk to you first about it after they do that say no to drugs talk at school in about 3rd grade and they threaten to call the police when you have a glass of wine and then drive home.

When they ask me if I will smoke pot if it becomes legal I will say no, cigarettes are not legal and I don't smoke them.

I tell them liquor is very dangerous drug and should be drank in extremely small quantities. I will discuss drinking and driving and underage drinking.

We discuss moderation in drinking as well as food and spending.

I will expect them to make mistakes and pray they are not life long ones.

[Anonymous]

I only smoked for a while and quit due to it being unhealthy. I have no problems telling my children that as it ends up a good lesson Mommy learned.
I don't drink and I never did any drugs so I don't have to worry about that part.

If I had done drugs in my youth and ended up a good person, seeing it was wrong, going through rehab or any other "good Ending" kind of thing I might tell my children about that. When they reach an appropriate maturity and when they ask.

[Anonymous]

OP. I'm surprised that so few people have answered this question. I'm a "good girl" who experimented occasionally in my 20s. I don't regret all of it, but I do most of it. I really hope my children make different decisions than I did. I think about some of the dangerous (and stupid) situations I was in and I am mortified. I have friends who partied a lot in college and have gone on to be very successful (no longer doing drugs obviously) and other friends who had their lives ruined (two died and one went to federal prison). My parents never talked to me about drugs. I am a very cautious rule follower so the fact that I even did is very out of character for me. I'm the type of person who won't go into the express aisle if I have 11 items instead of 10. It all started with a boyfriend.

I just don't know how to talk to them about it w/out being a complete hypocrite or a liar.

[Anonymous]

Sure, I have no problem with telling my kids about my recreational use. It's part of a bigger conversation that we have about moderation, taking care of our bodies, making reasonable choices, and thinking for ourselves. I'll tell them that using pot occasionally, as an adult, is just fine and IMHO a lot safer than drinking. If I had to pick between my 18 year-old smoking a joint and my 18-year old drinking a bunch of beer, there's no question that I would prefer pot. My military husband who has no interest in using any drugs (or drinking) agrees and takes no issue with it.

We're trying to teach our kids about that line you can cross that makes it hard to come back from. The key issue here is moderation and responsibility. We'll talk about safety (no driving, just like alcohol), making choices when impaired (about sex, and friendships, just like alcohol), and what choices are reasonable and what aren't. So for us, pot or a few drinks are reasonable. Beer bongs and heroin aren't. Having safe sex in a relationship is reasonable (and fun). Random unsafe sex isn't. We keep our house vegan and talk a lot about good healthy food choices, but the kids are allowed to eat whatever they want at school or at friend's houses (guilt-free). For the most part, we need to make healthy choices, but a few cheeseburgers or an occasional joint aren't going to derail our lives. Getting pregnant, getting an STD, becoming a heroin addict - those really could derail our lives.

So far our kids are making really reasonable choices even when we're not around, which is the goal we're aiming for. My older son, for example, always wears his helmet when he rides his bike, whether we're home with him or not (his friends aren't required to, so he would totally get away with it). He just chooses to do it. He chooses, on his own, to get a vegetarian meal at school a few times a week instead of meat every day. That feels reasonable to him. He DOWNS a steak when he's out to eat with my Mom but also hits the salad bar hard. He's just remarkably mature and even-keeled. My younger son is coming along similarly. I'm incredibly proud of them.

My $02.

[Anonymous]

PP here, and to be clear - I don't use pot any longer, haven't since my mid 20's. But when marijuana is legal on a Federal level, I will go back to occasional use. For now my clearance level forbids it.

[Anonymous]

Both DH and I used drugs. We both tried a lot of things. Between us the list includes: cocaine, speed, meth, heroin, LSD, Valium, prescription narcotics, angel dust, hash, and pot. Both of us are in long-term recovery.

We tell our kids that they are NOT allowed to use any alcohol or marijuana while they are underage. It's against the law and it's bad for their brains. We tell them that any use of alcohol or drugs while underage will be met with swift and certain doom. They will lose their friends, their stuff, and their activities. We will skin them alive. It's going to be Defcon 5 on the Big Trouble scale.

After they are of age, it's fine for them to have a drink or smoke pot (where it's legal), as long as they are doing it every day to the point of impairment. Alcohol and pot in small amounts help adults relax and cope and as long as they aren't used heavily, that's fine. We also tell them that we have a huge addiction risk in the family, so they have to be very, very careful of how much they use and how often they use. We tell them that the other drugs -- narcotics, benzos, speed, meth, cocaine, etc. -- are illegal and are a very bad idea. You can get in a lot of trouble for using them, and they aren't that much fun. Drugs like heroin are really wonderful when you first start taking them, but the fun wears off quickly, and then you're just sick and desperate. It's totally not worth it.

[Anonymous]

I'll tell them what it was like. Of course I'll be honest about that I used. I'll probably emphasize the negatives rather than the positives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, I have no problem with telling my kids about my recreational use. It's part of a bigger conversation that we have about moderation, taking care of our bodies, making reasonable choices, and thinking for ourselves. I'll tell them that using pot occasionally, as an adult, is just fine and IMHO a lot safer than drinking. If I had to pick between my 18 year-old smoking a joint and my 18-year old drinking a bunch of beer, there's no question that I would prefer pot. My military husband who has no interest in using any drugs (or drinking) agrees and takes no issue with it.

We're trying to teach our kids about that line you can cross that makes it hard to come back from. The key issue here is moderation and responsibility. We'll talk about safety (no driving, just like alcohol), making choices when impaired (about sex, and friendships, just like alcohol), and what choices are reasonable and what aren't. So for us, pot or a few drinks are reasonable. Beer bongs and heroin aren't. Having safe sex in a relationship is reasonable (and fun). Random unsafe sex isn't. We keep our house vegan and talk a lot about good healthy food choices, but the kids are allowed to eat whatever they want at school or at friend's houses (guilt-free). For the most part, we need to make healthy choices, but a few cheeseburgers or an occasional joint aren't going to derail our lives. Getting pregnant, getting an STD, becoming a heroin addict - those really could derail our lives.

So far our kids are making really reasonable choices even when we're not around, which is the goal we're aiming for. My older son, for example, always wears his helmet when he rides his bike, whether we're home with him or not (his friends aren't required to, so he would totally get away with it). He just chooses to do it. He chooses, on his own, to get a vegetarian meal at school a few times a week instead of meat every day. That feels reasonable to him. He DOWNS a steak when he's out to eat with my Mom but also hits the salad bar hard. He's just remarkably mature and even-keeled. My younger son is coming along similarly. I'm incredibly proud of them.

My $02.

(OP) I really like this approach. Thank you so much for responding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, I have no problem with telling my kids about my recreational use. It's part of a bigger conversation that we have about moderation, taking care of our bodies, making reasonable choices, and thinking for ourselves. I'll tell them that using pot occasionally, as an adult, is just fine and IMHO a lot safer than drinking. If I had to pick between my 18 year-old smoking a joint and my 18-year old drinking a bunch of beer, there's no question that I would prefer pot. My military husband who has no interest in using any drugs (or drinking) agrees and takes no issue with it.

We're trying to teach our kids about that line you can cross that makes it hard to come back from. The key issue here is moderation and responsibility. We'll talk about safety (no driving, just like alcohol), making choices when impaired (about sex, and friendships, just like alcohol), and what choices are reasonable and what aren't. So for us, pot or a few drinks are reasonable. Beer bongs and heroin aren't. Having safe sex in a relationship is reasonable (and fun). Random unsafe sex isn't. We keep our house vegan and talk a lot about good healthy food choices, but the kids are allowed to eat whatever they want at school or at friend's houses (guilt-free). For the most part, we need to make healthy choices, but a few cheeseburgers or an occasional joint aren't going to derail our lives. Getting pregnant, getting an STD, becoming a heroin addict - those really could derail our lives.

So far our kids are making really reasonable choices even when we're not around, which is the goal we're aiming for. My older son, for example, always wears his helmet when he rides his bike, whether we're home with him or not (his friends aren't required to, so he would totally get away with it). He just chooses to do it. He chooses, on his own, to get a vegetarian meal at school a few times a week instead of meat every day. That feels reasonable to him. He DOWNS a steak when he's out to eat with my Mom but also hits the salad bar hard. He's just remarkably mature and even-keeled. My younger son is coming along similarly. I'm incredibly proud of them.

My $02.

(OP) I really like this approach. Thank you so much for responding.

One more question... do you allow your kids to drink alcohol at home (e.g. have a glass of wine during the holidays) and if yes, at what age?

[Anonymous]

Older kids do not need to learn that you did recreational drugs and it will be ok. Ever read any stories about parents who did that? Pretty heartbreaking.
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[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
One more question... do you allow your kids to drink alcohol at home (e.g. have a glass of wine during the holidays) and if yes, at what age?

This is the PP here, thanks for your nice words. They're only 9 and 7 now, so no drinking at home. We rarely drink so it's not around much. On the Jewish holidays they're both welcome to have a sip of our wine and they've had the occasional "try it" sip of someone's beer. They both hated every bit. I draw the line at letting them have a sip of my rare Bailey's on ice, though - it's way too delicious!! They'd be hooked in a second!!

It's really hard to walk the line of the "forbidden fruit" - seems like if you restrict it too much you glorify it and make it a prized thing, and the other way you turn your 14 year-old into a drunk. We'll just keep talking about it and hopefully they'll make it through this whole thing unscathed. It's hard to know what to do sometimes, isn't it??

[Anonymous]

Not until they're adults. If they ask before that I will tell them that I don't feel it's appropriate to discuss my own personal experiences with them. Obviously they'll draw their own conclusions from that statement, but I still feel it's better than sharing the truth with them.

[Anonymous]

I have told my 12 DD that I don't do drugs because I like the way I think. Drugs change it. (I tried pot one, and while high, I did not feel sharp; DD does not need to know that). I have used (appropriately) narcotics for cancer pain, but found that, again, it dulled my brain.

I tell DD that the brain is who we are....it is the center of our existence. Why would we want to dull it? (FWIW, I rarely drink these days).