need a pep talk from other SAHMs

[Anonymous]

I'm home with my two young toddlers and I don't know if it's the winter weather or what but I'm about to loose it. We have quite a few other moms/kids we spend time with, we go out and about town frequently (the museums, places for lunch, story times, etc, etc), we have a house full of toys and crafts but I find that I'm completely in a rut. I'm burnt out and tired of the repetition. I feel like I'm just treading water waiting for each day to pass and the next identical day to start.

I'm going on 10 months of being home with the kids. Prior to that I was a full time working mom which was also exhausting but in a different way. Then I felt like I was simply running non-stop 7 days a week---trying to be everything to everyone. I've considered going back to work now (I plan on going back when my kids start school in 2-3 years) but I'm not sure that is the current answer. I hated the chaos of working a very demanding job and being a mom. I've thought about part time but I'm not sure I could find that sort of position and I'm leary of part time jobs in general as in my past experience they have simply meant part time pay for full time work.

SO, I think what I really need is a pep talk. Maybe a few other moms telling me what they like best about staying home? Or how they "reinvent" themselves and their routine when they hit this sort of rut? Any thoughts are appreciated!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm home with my two young toddlers and I don't know if it's the winter weather or what but I'm about to loose it. We have quite a few other moms/kids we spend time with, we go out and about town frequently (the museums, places for lunch, story times, etc, etc), we have a house full of toys and crafts but I find that I'm completely in a rut. I'm burnt out and tired of the repetition. I feel like I'm just treading water waiting for each day to pass and the next identical day to start.

I'm going on 10 months of being home with the kids. Prior to that I was a full time working mom which was also exhausting but in a different way. Then I felt like I was simply running non-stop 7 days a week---trying to be everything to everyone. I've considered going back to work now (I plan on going back when my kids start school in 2-3 years) but I'm not sure that is the current answer. I hated the chaos of working a very demanding job and being a mom. I've thought about part time but I'm not sure I could find that sort of position and I'm leary of part time jobs in general as in my past experience they have simply meant part time pay for full time work.

SO, I think what I really need is a pep talk. Maybe a few other moms telling me what they like best about staying home? Or how they "reinvent" themselves and their routine when they hit this sort of rut? Any thoughts are appreciated!

OMG, I could have written the exact same post, esp the bold part. I have an almost 3 y/o and a almost 3 month old... I love them to pieces and wouldn't want to NOT be with them, but sometimes I feel like all I do is just keep them alive, you know? Between my older's tantrums, the frigid temps prohibiting much going out, etc. I will lose my mind. Then I end up relying in TV too much b/c it keeps the older one quiet and I can't just do anymore play doh.

Not much to offer except commiseration. I think spring and more daylight will do wonders....

[Anonymous]

Hey, I feel the same way (and I only have one of them!) I hate cold weather so it is me and a 4 yr old boy stuck in the house a lot. I really enjoy spending time w/ him when we can spend almost all day outside. I can't afford to spend money for him to take any classes although every once in a while I do take him to Chuck E. Cheese just so he can run around. We also watch a lot more TV in the winter. I used to limit it to an hour a day but that isn't the case in the winter (maybe it all evens itself out since we don't watch much TV when the weather is nice). We don't have a backyard so I can't just let him outside by himself and keep an eye on him from the house. My neighbors are all SAHMs and we feel the same way so you are not alone. Don't give up being a SAHM just yet. April will be here soon and then everything will look different then.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP! Don't give up. I have been on both sides of the fence, and while being a SAHM has its challenges, boredom and repetition (as you noted) being high on the list, it gets soooo much easier when they start a preschool program, or your eldest starts a preschool program and spring will help a ton too. Another idea, can you afford a gym membership with childcare? That has been a true lifesaver for me. I get in shape, get a break and the kids enjoy going there. I have even made a few friends at the gym. Worth seeing if it might fit in the budget.

Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job, and know that you are not alone. Most of us, Working Moms and SAHMs find winter tough with kids. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

the repetition happens for YOU

for them it's all new!
remember, you're doing all that for THEM and not for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the repetition happens for YOU

for them it's all new!
remember, you're doing all that for THEM and not for you.

So SAHMs are martyrs now?

[Anonymous]

it's part of motherhood, sorry to break the enchantment.

[Anonymous]

Don't feel alone. I think all SAHMs feel the same from time to time. I don't know if you do this already but I've found a lot of "new" things for kids to do online. I've printed out all sorts of things from the Nat'l Zoo's website, PBS kids website etc. I've also gotten ideas from a book called Toddlers Busy Play Book. It has inside ideas as well as more spring/summer activities. Obviously none of the ideas in the book will be particuarly simulating for YOU, but they will perhaps shake things up a bit for you and your kids. I find I'm a lot happier if I have my son help me bake something like banana bread (my favorite and he loves to help)or even just go walk around a museum for an hour in the afternoon(though things will be crazy downtown the next week or so, of course).It feels like so much effort sometimes to do something new, but once we're doing it I feel so less bored. I think it is so important for your happiness to get excercise too, maybe put on some music and dance around with your kids for 30 minutes every day if you can't join a gym this winter? Good luck and I know you'll feel better come Spring!!

[Anonymous]

Hi there OP. I know how you feel...I take classes and do things that only I want to do. Knitting. Planning a trip with friends to Cali. Taking parenting classes. Taking grad classes. Book clubs. Gyms. My brain needs to be stimulated and being at home with the kids, day in and day out, simply cannot fulfill that side of me!

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

get a sitter once a week to take somewhere... and you can stay home or go somewhere just by yourself or meet friends for dinner.

this private time is miraculous!

[Anonymous]

How about sending your children to pre-school a few mornings a week?

Also, check out our-kids.com for new/different things to do each week.

[Anonymous]

OP here--
thank you for all the replies and suggestions.
An idea of joining a gym is a great one.

My kids are actually 2.25 year old twins. They are going to preschool next fall when they turn 3, thank goodness!

[Anonymous]

I taught elementary school for years and can tell you, the January blahs always hit right about -- well -- now! Even though I LOVED my job and the kids I taught, by January the doldrums really set in and it was hard to stay motivated and creative.

Sure, that can happen with any job, but when you are working with children, it more important than ever to stay fresh and on an even keel, and to take care of your mental health -- because small children will NOT recognize when you have just about had it and back off a bit, as adults might be able to, you know?

I think every SAHM should be sure to do something creative at least once a day, for at least half an hour. Knitting or crocheting are both great choices because they are easy to pick up and put down. I did counted cross stitch; drawing or painting would also be good. You need something where you can see genuine progress on a daily basis. It is very good for emotional health.

Also you should try very hard to get 30 minutes of AEROBIC exercise once a day. Talking a walk with the kids around the block is good for them, but you need to get exercise at your own pace.

If you have trouble fitting these two things into your schedule that is completely understandable -- welcome to the world of at-home parenting -- but if you make them a priority (and you should) you can try to find a way; even every other day is better than nothing at all. Maybe a jogging stroller will help; maybe see if there's a reliable teenage you can hire as a mother's helper a few times a week? Maybe join a babystting co-op and trade off workout times or "alone" times; maybe do some knitting during nap or quiet time. Or of course, go for a fast walk when your spouse comes home, or get a treadmill ... or try to think of some other way to make these things happen.

I can promise you, if you get 30 minutes of aerobic exercise plus do something creative (that you really enjoy!) each day, you will banish most any blahs. And will be able to much better enjoy the company of your children.

Also -- this isn't true for ALL women, but in my opinion, many women refresh their spirits so to speak, in the company of other compatible women. For this reason, getting together once a week/month with some neighborhood women (not necessarily moms) for chatting and socializing is the third thing I would suggest if you could possibly do it. Knitting groups; Bunco night, maybe book club -- anything where chatting is the expectation and not a distraction from a different purpose. Playgroup kind of works if you have no other option, but it is harder to chat because of the kids! Getting together with some friends for drinks one evening; or even a good long chat with a buddy over the phone (internet doesn't count for this). Like I said, I am aware that for some women, getting together with other women is stressful or annoying -- so this isn't for everyone -- but I can tell you it does wonders for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the repetition happens for YOU

for them it's all new!
remember, you're doing all that for THEM and not for you.

True indeed. Believe it or not, toddlers don't mind doing the same thing over and over again (why do you think the Ball Popper toy is so popular or other repetitive games?) and that goes for the same routine - which may seem redundant and boring to you, but fun for them.

I know you say, OP, that you're in a rut, and that is tough in any situation not just for SAHMs. I'm not sure if reinventing yourself is the answer though. Perhaps more mental breaks instead. The million dollar question is how do you do that? For me, I allow myself daily Me-Time when everyone is in bed. That includes indulging in a bag of M&Ms, watching something on the DVR, zoning out on the couch, or whatever I feel like. I usually need about 30 minutes. Then I feel refreshed. DH is a great dad and husband so he recognizes my Me-Time and I can even getaway with it on the weekends. I know it may sound lame, but for me it works. It may not be that simple for some so I hope you find some sort of encouragement.

[Anonymous]

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4 Things Every Stay-at-Home Mom Needs to Know

1. Feel Proud of What You Do
2. Keep in Touch with Friends
3. Get Organized
4. Get in Touch with Your Creative Side