my daughter has been sick since moving away, but is reluctant to move back home.
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Anonymous
| My DD will be 28 in a couple of months. She relocated 12 hours away from us a few years ago. She has been ill off and on since relocating. More specifically, a sickness requiring surgery last year and recently an accident at work that may have resulted in neurological deterioration. She doesn't have any close family in the area and I don't want her cousins to be liable for her. I'm confident that she can do ok on her own, but I don't have the money to rush and see her if something serious happens. She loves the city she's in and is very happy as it fits her lifestyle and personality well. Suggestions? |
Anonymous
| Suggestions. She's happy where she is. Leave her the hell alone. |
Anonymous
+1 You are creating a problem when there isn't one yet. Yes, she has had some health issues. If it comes to a point where she needs more intensive care, THEN there can be a discussion about her relocated to be closer to family. Be happy that your child is independent. |
Anonymous
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She's an adult. Adults don't move back home when they have surgery or accidents. They get through. There is no reason she will "become a liability" to her cousins. That's really extreme thinking.
This is about her, not you. Ask her what you can do to help. Don't do anything else. |
Anonymous
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You raised a child who is now an adult and wants to be independent.
Congratulations. Let her run her life as she sees fit. |
Anonymous
| I found out I had cancer and moved myself cross country anyway because that was what I had been planning a month before I got the news. I had no support system. I figured it out. It was stressful sometimes, but I am a fully capable adult and it was my life. |
Anonymous
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Op here
I'm just concerned because she's living paycheck to paycheck. I feel like she'll save money if she moves home. |
Anonymous
Not your decision to make. I spent 13 years in San Francisco, living pretty close to paycheck to paycheck. Left there when I was ready. Wouldn't trade the experience for anything, and certainly wouldn't have appreciated someone telling me where to live and how to manage my money. She's an adult - let her live her life. Time for you to stand down. |
Anonymous
OP, you say that you don't have money to "rush out and see her," so I'm not sure that's a good argument (or would be good for you financially). Just be there for her emotionally when she needs you. |
Anonymous
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Your daughter is an adult. Lots of adults live paycheck to paycheck. Congratulations -- you raised an independent, self-supporting adult!
Please stop trying to coax her back into the nest. You SUCCEEDED. You raised a child to adulthood. She's not a child anymore. If she continues to be successful, she will not live with you ever again. I know you miss your daughter very much and you worry about her. Please think about getting therapy. She is okay -- she is living her life as a functioning, independent adult. You are not okay, because you are grieving this success. It's time to think about what will bring meaning to the next stage of your life. Your worth is not how much your daughter needs you. Find something else to make you feel worthy, now that you have succeeded. And seriously, congratulations. Let her go. |
Anonymous
First you were concerned about her being sick and now you are concerned that she isn't doing well financially? It's time for you to let go. |
Anonymous
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Have you asked yourself why she wants to be across the country?
I mean this to be supportive - you sound smothering. You are worried about her health, her bank balance, her friends. She is 28 years old and an independent adult. I would suggest you step back a little. If you ease off the pressure of wanting to be involved in every facet of her life and just support her, what would happen? What if when she calls (and I hope you are not calling her every day, are you?) just ease off. How are things? That sounds great, honey, I am so proud of you. No nagging, no questioning, no worrying. See what happens if you do that for a month. No matter how hard it is, don't offer her any unsolicited advice (and minimal solicited), don't fret to her about anything, just love and support her. I bet your relationship will be profoundly altered. For the better. |
Anonymous
she wanted to move to an area that's less expensive and warmer. . |
Anonymous
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OP, don't listen to the nay-sayers. If you can convince your DD that she will be better off moving in with you - go for it.
However, is your DD is resistant even after the reasons you give her, then back off. |
Anonymous
+1 |