my daughter has been sick since moving away, but is reluctant to move back home.

[Anonymous]

I don't see anything that is environment-related, e.g. someone going to Seattle and then suffering from seasonal affective disorder, or living in a moldy apartment and then getting respiratory stuff.

OP, you have to give your DD space. Otherwise she'll be at home forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked yourself why she wants to be across the country?

I mean this to be supportive - you sound smothering. You are worried about her health, her bank balance, her friends. She is 28 years old and an independent adult. I would suggest you step back a little. If you ease off the pressure of wanting to be involved in every facet of her life and just support her, what would happen? What if when she calls (and I hope you are not calling her every day, are you?) just ease off. How are things? That sounds great, honey, I am so proud of you. No nagging, no questioning, no worrying. See what happens if you do that for a month. No matter how hard it is, don't offer her any unsolicited advice (and minimal solicited), don't fret to her about anything, just love and support her.

I bet your relationship will be profoundly altered. For the better.

she wanted to move to an area that's less expensive and warmer. .

That's what she told you. I moved away to live a new life in a place where I wasn't tied to people from HS and college as much. Now my parents are talking about moving to NoVa. When they ask if we're settled here for the long run I say "we're not sure. A lot could change with our jobs in the next 3-5 years." That's code for - please stay in Ohio and let me control when you visit because you are 350 miles away and still smothering me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see anything that is environment-related, e.g. someone going to Seattle and then suffering from seasonal affective disorder, or living in a moldy apartment and then getting respiratory stuff.

OP, you have to give your DD space. Otherwise she'll be at home forever.

it's just hard to see her struggle.

[Anonymous]

Bluntly, being sick and "alone" away from home is more appealing than being sick and with you. Leave it be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see anything that is environment-related, e.g. someone going to Seattle and then suffering from seasonal affective disorder, or living in a moldy apartment and then getting respiratory stuff.

OP, you have to give your DD space. Otherwise she'll be at home forever.

it's just hard to see her struggle.

She's not struggling. She is living like a normal person in their 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see anything that is environment-related, e.g. someone going to Seattle and then suffering from seasonal affective disorder, or living in a moldy apartment and then getting respiratory stuff.

OP, you have to give your DD space. Otherwise she'll be at home forever.

it's just hard to see her struggle.

Life is a struggle.
If she were closer, you'd just see it from a different view.
It isn't your job to take her pain away.

She isn't reluctant to move home. She lives somewhere else.

My brother and I are in our 40s. He told me a few years ago that he gets tired of people asking if he is moving back (to NY) from the West Coast. He is married, his kid is in school, he has a great job and even a boat (with a place to dock it).

We both feel like the people with whom we grew up see us as nerds or "strange" because of our politics, parenting style, clothes (no leopard or rhinestones) and other choices. When we go back to NY, we both feel like fish out of water. It feels like walking into an episode of the Sopranos. Lots of "I know I guy who can take care of that for you," and "Well, he has a cousin on the police force, so the speeding ticket disappeared."

It isn't a reflection of parenting, it is just a different struggle. I can make it to day 3 before I start to feel itchy.