The socialization of toddlers

[Anonymous]

I am new to this area and am finally starting to meet some of the neighbors. I have a 2 year old daughter and some of the moms have mentioned to me that I need to have her enrolled in classes or involved in playdates so she can be socialized.

I went home and thought about it and it doesn't make sense. My daughter hangs out with me, my husband and immediate family all the time (all adults). She sees her young cousins (about her age) once in awhile, so she does get to play with children sometimes. We take her to the playground when it is warm so kids are around.

My question is; she gets plenty of playtime and other experiences - they are just usually with grown-ups. So wouldn't her socialization be better as she is learning from adults, as opposed to children who still have a lot to learn themselves about social graces, etc?

I ask this because until I had this conversation with the other moms, I never thought twice about my daughter being around other kids all the time. I figured she would be interacting with kids once she hits kindergarten or pre-school (around 4 years old). Now I am wondering if I am wrong.
She seems to enjoy playing with me, her grandparents, and our adult friends....what would make it different wiht kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am new to this area and am finally starting to meet some of the neighbors. I have a 2 year old daughter and some of the moms have mentioned to me that I need to have her enrolled in classes or involved in playdates so she can be socialized.

I went home and thought about it and it doesn't make sense. My daughter hangs out with me, my husband and immediate family all the time (all adults). She sees her young cousins (about her age) once in awhile, so she does get to play with children sometimes. We take her to the playground when it is warm so kids are around.

My question is; she gets plenty of playtime and other experiences - they are just usually with grown-ups. So wouldn't her socialization be better as she is learning from adults, as opposed to children who still have a lot to learn themselves about social graces, etc?

I ask this because until I had this conversation with the other moms, I never thought twice about my daughter being around other kids all the time. I figured she would be interacting with kids once she hits kindergarten or pre-school (around 4 years old). Now I am wondering if I am wrong.
She seems to enjoy playing with me, her grandparents, and our adult friends....what would make it different wiht kids?

Because you have a kid. What if you were at work and you just played and interacted with kids all day. Adults are terrific with kids but it's completely different then them learning how to problem solve with their peers, share, have a best friend, give hugs to their buddies, etc. Also, it's up to you of course, but I've found, and lots of friends agree, put them in preschool sooner than 4 if your going that way. It's adorable when they grow up together in the same class, look forward to field trips, class bday parties, learning to listen at circle time, or learn structure. Then it won't be such an uncomfortable wake up call for them when they go to Kindergarten, because they have already been in a classroom environment for a couple of years. But please understand that it's not one way or the other. Adult interaction is vital, but I would def. get peers involved in her life.

[Anonymous]

I don't think children absolutely NEED to be socialized through time with other children at that age. But I think it might be good for them. Children play differently with other children than with adults. There's just a different way of interacting -- kids meet each other on the same level and there's a world of imagination and communication and conflict negotiation (taking/sharing etc.) that looks so different when it's just kids.

Also, I think it's particularly important for children to learn to play without direct interaction from their parents or other close family members. Two may seem young, but even at that age toddlers need opportunities to spread their wings a bit and do some discovering without taking their cues from the adults around them. Even adults who try to be hands off and think they're non-directive about play still have a great deal of influence -- it's just natural.

Anyway, it sounds like your child is getting play time with her cousins and other kids, so that's great. And maybe it's plenty. She'll be in pre-school before you know it!

[Anonymous]

You might notice that you see your child become more interested in other children as she gets closer to 3. It doesn't matter how it's done, but you can see that they get a lot out of socializing with others on their level! It doesn't have to be preschool/daycare - a couple of others around her age that you meet up with regularly would be ideal. Knowing their names and likes/dislikes is completely different to just seeing other kids in the park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might notice that you see your child become more interested in other children as she gets closer to 3. It doesn't matter how it's done, but you can see that they get a lot out of socializing with others on their level! It doesn't have to be preschool/daycare - a couple of others around her age that you meet up with regularly would be ideal. Knowing their names and likes/dislikes is completely different to just seeing other kids in the park.

Your so right.

[Anonymous]

OP-not sure if you work or not but I work at home so took my son to a little gym class once a week. (but they have them on Saturday mornings too) I love that he gets to "play" or at least observe other kids his age while he explores. It also helps to get a sense of what children typically do at the same age. He loves the singing and he has tons of room to move around and sometimes he interacts with the others and sometimes he does his own thing but I think it's been good for him to get used a group setting and learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP-not sure if you work or not but I work at home so took my son to a little gym class once a week. (but they have them on Saturday mornings too) I love that he gets to "play" or at least observe other kids his age while he explores. It also helps to get a sense of what children typically do at the same age. He loves the singing and he has tons of room to move around and sometimes he interacts with the others and sometimes he does his own thing but I think it's been good for him to get used a group setting and learn.

However, I think developing real friendships is great at this age. Everyday or other day at preschool is terrific.

[Anonymous]

I would wait until at least 3 to enroll in preschool. But a class or two with you would be fun and a way to meet the same kids each week. Swimming, gymnastics, etc. I agree that just playing w/ you isn't enough. An adult (or older child) is much more tolerant than another child her own age. She will need to learn to work out problems, share w/ other children and just how to be in a group of kids in general.

[Anonymous]

IMHO you are spot on. If you need further "validation," please read "Hold on to your Kids" by Dr. Gordon Neufeld.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am new to this area and am finally starting to meet some of the neighbors. I have a 2 year old daughter and some of the moms have mentioned to me that I need to have her enrolled in classes or involved in playdates so she can be socialized.

I went home and thought about it and it doesn't make sense. My daughter hangs out with me, my husband and immediate family all the time (all adults). She sees her young cousins (about her age) once in awhile, so she does get to play with children sometimes. We take her to the playground when it is warm so kids are around.

My question is; she gets plenty of playtime and other experiences - they are just usually with grown-ups. So wouldn't her socialization be better as she is learning from adults, as opposed to children who still have a lot to learn themselves about social graces, etc?

I ask this because until I had this conversation with the other moms, I never thought twice about my daughter being around other kids all the time. I figured she would be interacting with kids once she hits kindergarten or pre-school (around 4 years old). Now I am wondering if I am wrong.
She seems to enjoy playing with me, her grandparents, and our adult friends....what would make it different wiht kids?

Welcome to the area. I guess it was only a matter of time before someone said this to you. 2 year olds do not need to be socialized w/ other kids. My son showed an interest in other kids around age 3 but it wasn't until 6 months after that, that he started to really play with them. Maybe you can just take your daughter to places where little kids congregate just for the exposure (playground, etc). No need to spend big bucks on classes. My son loved a gym class he took through FFX County Parks and Rec. It wasn't too structured and we did it together when he was 2. It was cheap too! He also enjoyed a swimming class at age 2 (it was a Mommy and Me class). Preschool a few mornings a week at age 3 or 4 might be a good idea. Most of us spent lots of time at home w/ Mommy and were just fine.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP. Our toddlers are "socialized" every time we talk to them, laugh with them, take them to the grocery store and they hear us make small talk with the cashier, leave them in the nursery at church, introduce them to their cousins on holidays, walk down the sidewalk and say hello to our neighbors, smile and thank the UPS man... two-year-olds don't need any extra "socialization" than they get just through everyday life. If there's a class YOU would enjoy doing with your child, go for it, but I am definitely in agreement that you shouldn't feel any pressure at this stage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. Our toddlers are "socialized" every time we talk to them, laugh with them, take them to the grocery store and they hear us make small talk with the cashier, leave them in the nursery at church, introduce them to their cousins on holidays, walk down the sidewalk and say hello to our neighbors, smile and thank the UPS man... two-year-olds don't need any extra "socialization" than they get just through everyday life. If there's a class YOU would enjoy doing with your child, go for it, but I am definitely in agreement that you shouldn't feel any pressure at this stage.

Are you keeping them in a social bubble. Your kidding, right? They watch you say hi to the cashier. Maybe, a year, I hear ya, but at 2 get the little guy some friends.

[Anonymous]

I don't know . . . depends on the kid. My girl LOVES and is much happier around the little ones her own age. She's pretty social at almost 20 mos.

[Anonymous]

I'm not remotely kidding. Do you really think that children only come into contact with other children if they are in preschool, daycare, or an official class? I have friends, my friends have kids, my neighbors have kids, my family members have kids, there are kids at our church... what do they need to learn at 2 through prescribed measures that they don't learn through everyday social contact? Children at that age learn a whole lot more from how you interact with them and the world at large than they do by seeing another toddler play with blocks, anyway.

[Anonymous]

The ironic thing is, OP, is that even when there is a room full of toddlers (like the 18-24 month olds) they really don't interact or "socialize" with each other.

They make take notice of each other, but don't really play together (stacking things, taking turns in the play kitchen, etc. - it just doesn't happen) or take turns.

So, don't feel like you aren't socializing your child. I assume she has reached the normal developmental milestones - talking, eating well, picking things up, organizing, etc. ?

Some find the toddler classes a great opportunity for the children to have a change of scenery, a way to get out of the house, play with new toys, see other children, but unless they are directed by a behavioral specialist or pediatrician I don't think socialization is really effective at this age (unless it's for the parents to meet others, than yes, it's effective in that regards).