The socialization of toddlers

[Anonymous]

he ironic thing is, OP, is that even when there is a room full of toddlers (like the 18-24 month olds) they really don't interact or "socialize" with each other.

They make take notice of each other, but don't really play together (stacking things, taking turns in the play kitchen, etc. - it just doesn't happen) or take turns.

THANK you. Why do so few parents know about parallel play? And the ones in the dark tend to be the same ones who discuss socializing their babies as if they were rescue dogs, too.

[Anonymous]

But, they do NOTICE the other kids. I was just at a get together with friends who have kids about the same age. My DD and a friend's DD barely spoke to each other, but played along side. BOTH of our girls, we later discovered, chatted on and on about the other. Yes, they are both "toddlers", just both VERY verbal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

he ironic thing is, OP, is that even when there is a room full of toddlers (like the 18-24 month olds) they really don't interact or "socialize" with each other.

They make take notice of each other, but don't really play together (stacking things, taking turns in the play kitchen, etc. - it just doesn't happen) or take turns.

THANK you. Why do so few parents know about parallel play? And the ones in the dark tend to be the same ones who discuss socializing their babies as if they were rescue dogs, too.

See, I read all about parallel play, but when I watch my daughter interact with the other older babies (12-16 mo.) I wouldn't just call it parallel play. They certainly don't take turns and solve puzzles together, but they interact by showing excitment and approaching each other when one another come in the room, handing each other toys, playing peek-a-boo over the half-door. I have walked in on many absolutely priceless moments.

My daughter is also just fascinated by the 4-6 year-old set. Her eyes will light up when she watches them play at the park and no one, not me, my husband, my dad, no one can make my daughter laugh like a 5 year-old acting silly.

I don't feel like any type of activity is necessary for socialization, so I don't think your daughter is missing out. But, I certainly think that interaction with other babies/toddlers is good, just because it's fun and different.

[Anonymous]

I agree that at this age it is mostly parallel play and I would never have thought about it much until I took DS to Gymbore just before 2 y.o. (he had been home with us - only child at that point), It dawned on me that any notion of sharing, taking turns, etc was not in his world. Also, while I like to play with him one on one - group interaction is something he really enjoyed - a lot observing and mimicking stuff.

So while not necessary - it might be good to start soon so that some notion of sharing, playing with others occurs earlier and also b/c their can be some really enjoyment / excitement in toddler play groups.

I also keep in mind that I and most of peers were at home with mom (and mom only +/- sibs) until Kindergarten and we survived.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes having a younger child around older kids is not always a good thing! My DD is 2 yrs old and goes to daycare 2 days a week at some else's home. I never realized that having her be around 2 other kids (they are 4 yrs old) would be such a bad thing. She has started the bathroom talk early and is well versed in all things Superhero. You take the good, you take the bad I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But, they do NOTICE the other kids. I was just at a get together with friends who have kids about the same age. My DD and a friend's DD barely spoke to each other, but played along side. BOTH of our girls, we later discovered, chatted on and on about the other. Yes, they are both "toddlers", just both VERY verbal.

My little one is 16 months and I feel she gets a lot out of being with kids her age. She is definitely not playing WITH them, but she learning to share a toy or show affection. And usually after the playdate is over she would continue to repeat the kids name all day. I suspect she is thinking about the play date or remember the friend. She has a regular play group of kids similar to her age and I am noticing that she is learning a little about assertiveness from them as well. It's a slow process and maybe she would learn it regardless but I think kids do get a lot with being around other kids.

I don't think playing in the playground or gym is the same thing. In those environment, she basically ignores the other kids completely and usually plays with us or herself alone.

[Anonymous]

The OP was not asking whether a child benefits from being around other children. The OP was asking whether she actually needs structured environments like classes, etc. No one is suggesting keeping your children isolated and away from other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP was not asking whether a child benefits from being around other children. The OP was asking whether she actually needs structured environments like classes, etc. No one is suggesting keeping your children isolated and away from other kids.

Actually, read the second line of OP's post and you'll find she/he's asking about "being involved in playdates" so it's not just structured environments. There's later mention of whether the child really needs socialization other than adults (3rd para).

I think a lot of people here (myself included) are saying that, from their experience, they've found that their kids get some kind of benefit from interacting with other children. Even though it's not actual play together. Even my 20 month old imitates other kids' play, be it dancing or looking at books or doing puzzles, and enjoys it. And they definitely talk about the children afterwards so must be starting to understand about friendships and social interaction. They also learn to protect themselves a little since some kids are unpredictable and like to give too much love! I think some of the classes can be too big and frightening for little ones, but regular playdates with a small group of friends is great.

[Anonymous]

Actually, read the second line of OP's post and you'll find she/he's asking about "being involved in playdates" so it's not just structured environments. There's later mention of whether the child really needs socialization other than adults (3rd para).

You're right -- I should re-read before relying on my faulty memory!

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for all the comments. I do agree that my daughter has fun when she is with her cousins, but I also noticed that she is much more aggressive and defiant for several hours after being around them. It is true that she really doesn't interact with them, but she does mimic some of their bad behaviors (they are 1-2 years older) and that is why I was wondering if she would be "worse off" if she is around kids too much.

I like the idea of a structured class setting and will sign her up for a toddler class once a week and see what happens. I work during the week but my aunt watches her so she is around 1 or 2 adults during the day. She is developmentally fine, she says several words and can put togetehr 3-4 word sentences. I just don't want her to pick up "bad habits" too early on! I know it is inevitable, but she really is a different kid after hanging out with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for all the comments. I do agree that my daughter has fun when she is with her cousins, but I also noticed that she is much more aggressive and defiant for several hours after being around them. It is true that she really doesn't interact with them, but she does mimic some of their bad behaviors (they are 1-2 years older) and that is why I was wondering if she would be "worse off" if she is around kids too much.

I like the idea of a structured class setting and will sign her up for a toddler class once a week and see what happens. I work during the week but my aunt watches her so she is around 1 or 2 adults during the day. She is developmentally fine, she says several words and can put togetehr 3-4 word sentences. I just don't want her to pick up "bad habits" too early on! I know it is inevitable, but she really is a different kid after hanging out with kids.

OP, I kept my older son home with me until almost 3, when we started him in pre-school; the only "official" kid socialization we participated in was a weekly play-gym class starting at 2. So I'm much like you. But I'd recommend thinking a little differently about her behavior after interacting with other kids. There is so much going on developmentally at this age that you can't assume her "bad habits" are from other kids rather than testing that she'd be doing anyway, even if in slightly different ways. And it's really a positive thing that she's testing these behaviors now -- you have the opportunity to respond to the testing with gentle guidance/discipline that she'll remember as she gets older.

Another note: My son is extremely verbal and was always amazingly social with adults. But he really didn't know what to do with kids; the play gym class definitely helped, but in the first months of pre-school he spent more time making friends with the teachers than with the other kids. This is not unusual or problematic, but the point is that "socializing" with adults doesn't prepare kids for socializing with other children; in fact, he gets frustrated that the other kids don't share or take turns and can't/won't talk things out. I'm thrilled that I have a smart, sensitive, mature kid. But I think he would have benefitted from a little more exposure to other kids leading up to school.

Finally, tying the first two paragraphs together, I think there are behaviors we categorize as "bad" that actually are very useful for kids to learn from each other. My son would let other kids take things out of his hands and would turn around if he saw another kid heading for the same piece of equipment at hte playground. He'd let other kids push in front of him in line, etc. He looked bewildered by it all. Six months into pre-school, he's not afraid to get in the scrum a little bit, use his body to block another kid from taking his toy, etc. He's still an incredibly gentle kid, and never aggressive. But he is learning how to stand up for himself and adapt to his social environment, which I think is so important.

I know this is long, but I've thought a lot about it, so I guess it all just bubbled out. Hope it's helpful.