Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering

[Anonymous]

without a word to you or your husband or anyone. This happened on Easter at a family gathering on a property with a pond (at a distance) and large expanses of woods. DC was playing with the other kids and we were periodically checking on him (could see him through the windows and both DH and I were supervising but also visiting with relatives). What would your reaction be? I was furious and panicked. DC is 4.

[Anonymous]

Also, I should add that there was nothing creepy going on--they just went for a walk--it was the not saying anything that had me furious.

[Anonymous]

Tell him he has to get your or DH's permission before taking DC away in the future.

[Anonymous]

Depends. When I noticed DS wasn't with the other kids I would have asked them if they knew where he went. If they said he went to look at X with grandpa or went on a walk with grandpa, I'd probably just ask my dad to please let me know if he and DS are going for a walk because I panicked when I didn't see him/know where he was.

If the kids said "I don't know what happened to DS" I probably would have rudely and probably angrily said the above to my dad.

[Anonymous]

Do you trust him or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:without a word to you or your husband or anyone. This happened on Easter at a family gathering on a property with a pond (at a distance) and large expanses of woods. DC was playing with the other kids and we were periodically checking on him (could see him through the windows and both DH and I were supervising but also visiting with relatives). What would your reaction be? I was furious and panicked. DC is 4.

I would be very angry and suspicious if they just disappeared like that. Does he normally take your child without permission?

Neither of you were doing a good job watching your child if he managed to take the kid without you noticing. It could have been a stranger, or the kid could have wondered off.

What did he say they were doing?

[Anonymous]

I trust my dad with my kid. What I don't understand is how a former parent of young children could possibly do this w/o realizing that it's necessary to give the parent a head's up. He did not understand at all why I was upset and thought I blew things out of proportion.

[Anonymous]

How old is he?

[Anonymous]

I would have been upset. However I would have explained to him that you had no earthly idea where your son was and next time he has to tell you so you know your son hasn't wandered off. Try not to be accusatory, all he's hearing is the blame, not the solution.

[Anonymous]

This is generational and I bet he didn't think about it. Parents today are hyper safety neurotic compared to the past two generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I trust my dad with my kid. What I don't understand is how a former parent of young children could possibly do this w/o realizing that it's necessary to give the parent a head's up. He did not understand at all why I was upset and thought I blew things out of proportion.

Because when he was raising you, the general assumptions were different. It may have been just as dangerous, but we were much more naive as a culture then about the dangers and people just thought that if he was with a relative like a grandfather, it was okay. Your father raised you in a very different age and with different expectations.

What you do now, is calm down and the next time you get a chance to talk with your dad in person, you explain that now the world is different than when he raised you and that parents need to be more cautious. You explain that the dangers of children wandering off and disappearing are more worrisome and that you'd like him to just give you a heads up that he's taking his grandchild off for a walk or whatever before they go so that you don't worry when you don't see your child for a few minutes.

[Anonymous]

Was your dad "in charge" of DC at the time? If so, it wouldn't bother me at all.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have thought twice about it. If he was outside with the kids and went for a walk - great!

If I couldn't see the kids, I would just ask - where is x? and the other kids would say - he went for a walk with grandpa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I trust my dad with my kid. What I don't understand is how a former parent of young children could possibly do this w/o realizing that it's necessary to give the parent a head's up. He did not understand at all why I was upset and thought I blew things out of proportion.

Because when he was raising you, the general assumptions were different. It may have been just as dangerous, but we were much more naive as a culture then about the dangers and people just thought that if he was with a relative like a grandfather, it was okay. Your father raised you in a very different age and with different expectations.

What you do now, is calm down and the next time you get a chance to talk with your dad in person, you explain that now the world is different than when he raised you and that parents need to be more cautious. You explain that the dangers of children wandering off and disappearing are more worrisome and that you'd like him to just give you a heads up that he's taking his grandchild off for a walk or whatever before they go so that you don't worry when you don't see your child for a few minutes.

Excepted world isn't more dangerous. There is less violence than there was and abductions by strangers while on a walk with grandpa are well ...never happened that I know of. The only thing that is happened is that parents have gotten crazy about 'stranger danger' because every time anything happens it is played repeatedly and ad nauseum on the news and online and that makes it seem like it is happening all the time everywhere. Helicopter blades whirring mightily are the issue - not the fact that a grandfather went for a walk with his grandchild.

[Anonymous]

My parents know my kids well and do lots of things with them. They babysit them so I obviously trust them. As long as I knew where DS was - i.e. that he was with grandpa I would be fine. If no one had seen them go and no one knew where DS was and I thought he was off wandering alone, then I would be panicky and searching and I would be annoyed when the two of them sauntered back. (As I likely wouldn't realize at first that my dad was also missing, and by the time I put two and two together, I would already be worked up!).