Your dad disappears with your DC for 15 minutes at a family gathering

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Knowing myself, I would have been pissed beyond words.

a) NOT because my dad or trusted friend/relative took my kid on a walk
b) NOT even because they didn't' tell/ask me before going on a walk

c) BECAUSE there was a freaking pond in the immediate area. If we all were in a backyard without a body of water, or without easy access to a road - I would be fine with it. Otherwise, I think it is pretty rude behavior to say the least. Any parent would immediately freak out about the possibility of an accident.

Why owuld you think your father would let your DS go in the pond? If you trust him, then wouldn't you also trust him to not let him go in the pond?

It isn't about trusting dad to take him to the pond. It's all of a sudden, her child is missing and she has no idea where he is and maybe he is dead at the bottom of the pond. She didn't know her dad had taken him for a walk, I'm sure she wouldn't have worried if he had told her.

I agree he should have said something. However, the PP said she would be "pissed beyond words". Not worried. PISSED BEYOND WORDS. That is about control. Not safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have been upset. However I would have explained to him that you had no earthly idea where your son was and next time he has to tell you so you know your son hasn't wandered off. Try not to be accusatory, all he's hearing is the blame, not the solution.

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents know my kids well and do lots of things with them. They babysit them so I obviously trust them. As long as I knew where DS was - i.e. that he was with grandpa I would be fine. If no one had seen them go and no one knew where DS was and I thought he was off wandering alone, then I would be panicky and searching and I would be annoyed when the two of them sauntered back. (As I likely wouldn't realize at first that my dad was also missing, and by the time I put two and two together, I would already be worked up!).

This is OP and this is exactly what happened. The cousins that were there were from different sides of the family and didn't know each other and so couldn't explain where DS went. And the pond (which was pretty far from the house and whose approach could be seen from the house) did factor into the panic as other posters pointed out. It had literally been just a minute since I had seen DS playing with a scooter on the deck. I didn't really think DS could have gone that far in that amount of time and it turns out he couldn't because my dad put him on his shoulders and took off but in that panicky moment it's in your head and you are terrified. I didn't think much about the generational issue, which is probably part of my dad's reaction.

[Anonymous]

If they're only gone for 15 minutes, then my Dad is not doing his job.

[Anonymous]

I understand why op was upset. She knew there was a pond on the property and didn't know where her kid was. I get it. Grandpa should have mentioned he taking the kid for a walk so op wouldn't wonder if he wandered to the pond alone and fell in. Just tell grandpa that and in the future know if you don't see DC and you don't see grandpa they're probably together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Knowing myself, I would have been pissed beyond words.

a) NOT because my dad or trusted friend/relative took my kid on a walk
b) NOT even because they didn't' tell/ask me before going on a walk

c) BECAUSE there was a freaking pond in the immediate area. If we all were in a backyard without a body of water, or without easy access to a road - I would be fine with it. Otherwise, I think it is pretty rude behavior to say the least. Any parent would immediately freak out about the possibility of an accident.

Why owuld you think your father would let your DS go in the pond? If you trust him, then wouldn't you also trust him to not let him go in the pond?

It's not that. OP didn't know DS was with grandpa. OP didn't see DS or know he was with an adult. OP was not sure what happened to DS and probably thought the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Knowing myself, I would have been pissed beyond words.

a) NOT because my dad or trusted friend/relative took my kid on a walk
b) NOT even because they didn't' tell/ask me before going on a walk

c) BECAUSE there was a freaking pond in the immediate area. If we all were in a backyard without a body of water, or without easy access to a road - I would be fine with it. Otherwise, I think it is pretty rude behavior to say the least. Any parent would immediately freak out about the possibility of an accident.

Not any parent. A few parents. Specifically, YOU. Unless your dad has mental or physical limitations, why is he incapable of safely taking a walk with a 4 year old? At what age would it be okay- 5? 6? 12? Its not like grandpa picked her up from school without permission, she was at a family gathering. If you got "pissed beyond words" at your dad for taking a walk with his granddaughter, you would seriously damage that relationship. Its pretty tough to think of another way to disrespect your father more than this.

He raised you yet you would go Ape Shit on him for taking a walk without your permission. Then again, based on your reaction, maybe he wasn't such a great dad anyway.

OP probably would have been fine with the walk. BUT OP didn't know that DS was with the grandfather. She saw DS, then when she looked up he was gone. She did not know that he was under the direct supervision of another adult, so she might have assumed that instead DS wondered off or drowned or something. This is why with toddlers and preschoolers around water adults should always be clear about who has eyes on the kids and make it very clear when a handoff of supervision is to occur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Knowing myself, I would have been pissed beyond words.

a) NOT because my dad or trusted friend/relative took my kid on a walk
b) NOT even because they didn't' tell/ask me before going on a walk

c) BECAUSE there was a freaking pond in the immediate area. If we all were in a backyard without a body of water, or without easy access to a road - I would be fine with it. Otherwise, I think it is pretty rude behavior to say the least. Any parent would immediately freak out about the possibility of an accident.

I would assume any parent this worried about the pond would be outside with their 4 year old and not occasionally looking at them from inside the house.

Well, you know what they say about people who ASSume, right? ….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Knowing myself, I would have been pissed beyond words.

a) NOT because my dad or trusted friend/relative took my kid on a walk
b) NOT even because they didn't' tell/ask me before going on a walk

c) BECAUSE there was a freaking pond in the immediate area. If we all were in a backyard without a body of water, or without easy access to a road - I would be fine with it. Otherwise, I think it is pretty rude behavior to say the least. Any parent would immediately freak out about the possibility of an accident.

Not any parent. A few parents. Specifically, YOU. Unless your dad has mental or physical limitations, why is he incapable of safely taking a walk with a 4 year old? At what age would it be okay- 5? 6? 12? Its not like grandpa picked her up from school without permission, she was at a family gathering. If you got "pissed beyond words" at your dad for taking a walk with his granddaughter, you would seriously damage that relationship. Its pretty tough to think of another way to disrespect your father more than this.

He raised you yet you would go Ape Shit on him for taking a walk without your permission. Then again, based on your reaction, maybe he wasn't such a great dad anyway.

I don't care about him taking a walk with my child, but I would care if he had taken my child for a walk without telling me first or waving or whatever - so later I don't look around and simply don't see my child anywhere and freak out because I have no idea where the child is.

[Anonymous]

Tell your dad no,not to do it again because he's setting a precedent for DC going off with other adults. Expect your dad to have common sense. If that's beyond him, make clear that he has to abide by your rules now. You're the parent. He's just the grandparent. You're in charge. Be the adult. Define your terms/limits and stick to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your dad no,not to do it again because he's setting a precedent for DC going off with other adults. Expect your dad to have common sense. If that's beyond him, make clear that he has to abide by your rules now. You're the parent. He's just the grandparent. You're in charge. Be the adult. Define your terms/limits and stick to them.

Now this is ridiculous. he went for a walk with his grandfather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your dad no,not to do it again because he's setting a precedent for DC going off with other adults. Expect your dad to have common sense. If that's beyond him, make clear that he has to abide by your rules now. You're the parent. He's just the grandparent. You're in charge. Be the adult. Define your terms/limits and stick to them.

This might be the saddest thing I've read today. My mother just had a stroke and may never walk again. What I wouldn't do to go back 12 years and have my mother be able to take a walk with a 4 year old son. You're a self-centered peach. Life and Time will change things and hopefully you won't destroy your relationships with your parents before you realize that.

[Anonymous]

"Wow, dad, that really freaked me out. Next time you're taking DS somewhere, tell me, ok? I didn't know where he was." Then move on with life.

[Anonymous]

There's no excuse to take out your panic on someone who was just trying to spend time with his grandchild.

Nothing bad happened. You just panicked. Own it and get over it.