I Think my 15 Y.O. DS is Stealing From Us
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Anonymous
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Me and my husband store some cash (normally $200-300) in a folder in our living room. We do this so we don't have to run off to the bank all the time, and it normally works fine. We each just take a couple twenties if we need to carry cash with us, and all's good (we do try to let the other know if we take some, but sometimes we get caught up with something or forget).
Anyway, the past couple weeks we have noticed that moneys is starting to go missing, and neither of us are the ones taking it. Two weeks ago I went to grab a couple twenties the morning after just going to the bank for $300, and realized there was only $280 there. At the time I just thought DH took a $20 for something, but more and more often there seems to be the same thing- I go there, realize someone took a $20, and not telling me. I talk to DH, and we realize that he didn't take any of the money, and has no idea where the money is going. Anyway, it is me, DH, DS 15, and DS 6. I know I haven't been just taking the money and forgetting, my DH claims he is not (and I believe him, there would be no reason for him to lie), and I'm pretty sure the 6 year old is not sneaking money, so I am pretty sure it is DS 15. I just don't know what to do? He has never done anything like this before, I'm just so hurt. Any advice? |
Anonymous
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Just ask. Don't sit him down and make a big deal out of it because he's more likely to freeze up and lie about it. Sometime when he's in the room, go into the folder like you're getting some cash and then ask him "hmmm...some of the money is missing. Did you take it for something?"
Hopefully he'll fess up. The only other thing to consider is that your husband may be taking the money and not admitting to it...either for a surprise or an indiscretion. |
Anonymous
Is it a secret folder? Any particular reason it's in the living room? How long has DS known about the folder? Does he ever ask you for money to pay for things? What kind of conversations have you had with DS about money or ownership? |
Anonymous
| Of course your DS is taking it. |
Anonymous
It's not 'secret' per-se, but it is behind the desk and we don't tell the kids what is in it. We also try to not make it obvious that we keep money there. We give him a very generous weekly allowance as long as he performs a set list of chores up to par (Wash dishes, clean room, walk the dog, scoop the cat box, etc), part of the reason I think he has been stealing is because the past couple weeks he has refused to walk the dog long enough on more then one day, so he forfeited his allowance. He does not ask for money because of the allowance, once in a while we will buy him some clothes, but we want to teach him to be independent, so we give him an allowance that is sufficient to pay for most of his clothes, etc. |
Anonymous
Good Idea! I trust my DH, we have a pooled account, and he does not have to defend the money he takes from it, if he was buying a gift/ ondiscretion he would just have to say, "Yes, I took the money for something." |
Anonymous
| Sorry OP it's your son. Confront him and then change your hiding spot. Maybe keep it in your locked glove box or a book? |
Anonymous
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How much do you know about who he likes to hang with, and what they like to do?
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Anonymous
| Try moving the folder and wait and see. Is it really that hard? |
Anonymous
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I remember taking money from my mom's purse when I was 11. I didn't realize it was wrong. My mom asked me not to do it again in a nice and calm way. She explained that taking the money meant it would not be there for her when she needed it. I never had any desire to take the money again. Problem solved.
Kids get money from parents all the time. It may seem obvious that it is wrong, but it may not be obvious to the kid. |
Anonymous
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Mark the twenties and then later ask him if has a twenty you can trade for 2 tens.
Or just stop keeping the money in the folder in the living room. |
Anonymous
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The bigger issue here is what is he spending the money on? A lot of kids start to do deceitful things when they need cash for drugs. I'm not saying this is necessarily the case, but it is something that requires a steady flow of cash.
I'd confront him, OP. And ask why he needs the money. |
Anonymous
+10000000 Be up front and ask what's going on. Don't mark the bills or hide a camera or any covert stuff- yet. Give him a chance to come clean, it may be he wants to buy a gift for a girl. Maybe he's buying food for friends. But my gut says its for cigs, booze, or weed. |
Anonymous
| If I knew how to booby trap bills (like with red dye that would stain his hands or something), I would totally do that. And then confront him. But since I don't, I would just ask him and hide the folder. It's normal (IMO) for teenagers to try this, but you should figure out why he's doing it. He might just want to go to the movies without walking the dog (not that that is acceptable-- I just don't think he's automatically buying drugs and alcohol). |
Anonymous
| Take the cash out of the folder and leave a note that says "If you need money, please ask. Stealing is not the solution." |