I Think my 15 Y.O. DS is Stealing From Us

[Anonymous]

Buy a safe and put it in a concealed place. Then, only you and DH maintain the combination. That is where DH and I store cash, expensive jewelry, estate documents, etc. We don't talk about the safe around our kids out of fear they may innocently mention it to the wrong person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy a safe and put it in a concealed place. Then, only you and DH maintain the combination. That is where DH and I store cash, expensive jewelry, estate documents, etc. We don't talk about the safe around our kids out of fear they may innocently mention it to the wrong person.

I am not the OP, so I may be wrong, but I don't think she is so concerned about the money as the stealing.

[Anonymous]

I think it's the 6 year old not understanding how wrong it is. Please sit down the whole family or ask at dinner if anyone borrowed from the envelope because you noticed money is missing. I once took $20 from my dad's wallet to go to an amusement park at 8 years old and he accused my mom - just awful for all of us.

[Anonymous]

My mother NEVER understood why I would possibly need cash as a teen or at college, since I had food and shelter. Maybe the kid is using it to socialize with friends after school? Or something equally age-appropriate and normal?

Does the child receive an allowance? Talk to him about what he needs to money for and please have an open mind about it. Be reflective and ask if maybe you've ignored any isolation or social short falls that he may be experiencing.

Hey, maybe the kid's a disaster and a snot-nosed little thief? Maybe he's just trying to access a bit of normalcy and is afraid to confide in his mom about his situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My mother NEVER understood why I would possibly need cash as a teen or at college, since I had food and shelter. Maybe the kid is using it to socialize with friends after school? Or something equally age-appropriate and normal?

Does the child receive an allowance? Talk to him about what he needs to money for and please have an open mind about it. Be reflective and ask if maybe you've ignored any isolation or social short falls that he may be experiencing.

Hey, maybe the kid's a disaster and a snot-nosed little thief? Maybe he's just trying to access a bit of normalcy and is afraid to confide in his mom about his situation?

Please read before you send a snotty reply. OP says they give the child a generous allowance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take the cash out of the folder and leave a note that says "If you need money, please ask. Stealing is not the solution."

I like this best.

[Anonymous]

I'd be more concerned about where the money is going (is DS doing drugs). Any other changes in behavior lately?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy a safe and put it in a concealed place. Then, only you and DH maintain the combination. That is where DH and I store cash, expensive jewelry, estate documents, etc. We don't talk about the safe around our kids out of fear they may innocently mention it to the wrong person.

That is ridiculous and just a way to circumvent the responsibility of getting a confession out of the son. Sit his ass down and tell him you know he is stealing and why he needed the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take the cash out of the folder and leave a note that says "If you need money, please ask. Stealing is not the solution."

I like this best.

Me too.

Then in your new spot, which should be in your bedroom, along with the money keep a "ledger" on a post it note so your Dh and you know who took money. You won't need to wonder. If some is missing but wasn't signed out then you know your problem hasn't gone away. Maybe also keep it in an Lock Box. (A la Al Gore.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take the cash out of the folder and leave a note that says "If you need money, please ask. Stealing is not the solution."

I like this best.

Me too.

Then in your new spot, which should be in your bedroom, along with the money keep a "ledger" on a post it note so your Dh and you know who took money. You won't need to wonder. If some is missing but wasn't signed out then you know your problem hasn't gone away. Maybe also keep it in an Lock Box. (A la Al Gore.)

+1 we also keep an envelope of money but I just write on the envelope itself the date and the current amount that's in there.

[Anonymous]

That would've been a big temptation to me as a teen, and not because I was doing drugs — I would have used it for junkfood, nail polish, etc…

I would treat it gently. Leaving a note, but don't use the word stealing. Leave a sign out sheet. Tell him that if he signs money out, he has to pay it back out of his allowance before taking anymore out. If he takes it out without signing it out, you can tell him that you tried to treat him as an adult, and since it didn't work you'll have to keep the money elsewhere and not tell him.

Call me a marshmallow, but if my parents had done that to me, it would've blown my mind and I think I would have behaved far better.

[Anonymous]

Probably it is your 15-year-old. I am not saying this is not a serious matter -- but, I wouldn't take it personally (you said that you feel hurt).
It was naive to leave the folder in the living room. I would not leave any cash out from now on.
I would also think about whether your son disagreed about the times that you felt he did not walk the dog long enough. It's not that uncommon to rebel at this age.
I would want to keep the lines of communication open, so I wouldn't either ask or accuse. I would simply tell him that taking your money is stealing, reiterate that stealing is wrong, and leave it at that.
Teens do some bad stuff. That's not okay; still, it really is better to keep the lines of communication open, because you can't control him completely any more. This is from the mother of two young adults -- and the very close friend of someone whose 22-year-old son died of a drug overdose recently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would've been a big temptation to me as a teen, and not because I was doing drugs — I would have used it for junkfood, nail polish, etc…

I would treat it gently. Leaving a note, but don't use the word stealing. Leave a sign out sheet. Tell him that if he signs money out, he has to pay it back out of his allowance before taking anymore out. If he takes it out without signing it out, you can tell him that you tried to treat him as an adult, and since it didn't work you'll have to keep the money elsewhere and not tell him.

Call me a marshmallow, but if my parents had done that to me, it would've blown my mind and I think I would have behaved far better.

I am the PP who was lambasted for recommending the safe. I was the same way the above PP described herself. Before I was given access to my mother's department store accounts on occasion, I would use money around the house for drug store items including junk and not drugs or all the bad things people want to think OPs son must be up to. If my parents had accused me of being a thief and committing a heinous household crime, I think I would have been crushed and would not have bothered to explain. My tween kids have bank accounts and their own petty cash from house chores. We lock our household "operating money" away in a safe to safeguard it from workers who do work in the house and I don't think it's a good idea to put money in drawers and envelopes, same with jewelry. You never know when your housed might get burgled.