Date nights: does your DH ever schedule them?

[Anonymous]

If you go out on date nights with your spouse, who plans them? Who hires the sitter, pays them,makes reservations, etc? I would love to know in particular how frequently your husbands handle the logistics of date nights?

[Anonymous]

We have date night about once a month and I'm always the one who plans it. My birthday just happened and I planned that one from beginning to end.

Doesn't matter to me though... it's about the dinner out and time with my husband. I'm happy to make that happen.

[Anonymous]

Once per year he will plan my birthday outing.

[Anonymous]

OMG, I am always the one to plan it and organize it and it drives me up the wall. I BEG my husband to plan date nights and it never happens. It is a BIG point of contention b/w us. I feel like I never can get "surprised" by a nice date planned by him, like I used to when we were dating. Blegh. I hate it.

[Anonymous]

He does on occassion - espccially for birthdays. He is always willing to go and we have a great time. He is just not the best date planner. I plan it, we go to dinner and a movie. He plans it, we go to the Nats game or the casino. Most of our date nights result from mutual brainstorming.

Frankly, I do not get into who plans it. We are not dating any more and he does not need to try to impress me or prove that he can be spontaneous. I look forward and enjoy the QT with him away from the kids. If I had to plan every single date to make that happen, I would.

[Anonymous]

I would say my husband makes plans 15-20% of the time. However, when he makes them I typically have to firm up details, make the timing fit our schedule, make the reservations, and get the sitter. The sitter is my mom, so this doesn't bother me, and the Open Table account is in my name, so it makes sense for me to make any dinner reservations.

[Anonymous]

My DH probably does it 80% of the time. He's always looking on washington post etc for weekend things to do. He likes picking out different parks to have picnics in.

But he's not huge on restaurants and I normally plan most of our vacations (he plans my birthday vacation).

[Anonymous]

My husband used to schedule things but I always got frustrated as it wouldn't end up being a good night or he wouldn't have gotten the sitter I like to use, or he would have forgotten that we also had to be out the next night, or it would be to a place or movie I didn't want to go to,or it would be on a night when the kids had soccer and we would already be tight for time etc..


It goes so much better when I schedule it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He does on occassion - espccially for birthdays. He is always willing to go and we have a great time. He is just not the best date planner. I plan it, we go to dinner and a movie. He plans it, we go to the Nats game or the casino. Most of our date nights result from mutual brainstorming.

Frankly, I do not get into who plans it. We are not dating any more and he does not need to try to impress me or prove that he can be spontaneous. I look forward and enjoy the QT with him away from the kids. If I had to plan every single date to make that happen, I would.

Maybe you don't think spontaneity is important anymore, but is is hugely important. Being spontaneous brings back butteries for us and makes us remember why we married each other. We've never stopped dating each other.

[Anonymous]

My main hang up is that I don't talk to the sitters and have no relationship with them. They are all late teen, early 20s girls, and it feels inappropriate and a little awkward to interact with them when my wife isn't involved.

[Anonymous]

We do 2 date nights a month and usually alternate who plans them.

When we started this, I had to really spell things out for DH: "Can you make reservations at a nice restaurant and then find a nearby theatre for us to go see a movie at"

But after a while, he started getting it, and now when it's his turn to plan he takes care of it all and just lets me know what time we'll need the babysitter for. I have always been the primary communicator with babysitters, but that's fine since I'm more organized. He generally pays at the end of the night since he carries cash and I rarely do.

So my suggestion is to start small and give him very specific directions if you want him to plan! Eventually he'll get more comfortable and confident and be able to take the reins a bit more. I know in my DH's case, and probably for most men, he was nervous that he was going to make the wrong choice and pick something I didn't like, so it was easier to have it all just fall to me. It's sweet, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My main hang up is that I don't talk to the sitters and have no relationship with them. They are all late teen, early 20s girls, and it feels inappropriate and a little awkward to interact with them when my wife isn't involved.

Former babysitter here. It's not weird at all. Get over your hang ups. Besides, you can probably text them and they'll respond if they are available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My main hang up is that I don't talk to the sitters and have no relationship with them. They are all late teen, early 20s girls, and it feels inappropriate and a little awkward to interact with them when my wife isn't involved.

Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you go out on date nights with your spouse, who plans them? Who hires the sitter, pays them,makes reservations, etc? I would love to know in particular how frequently your husbands handle the logistics of date nights?

I plan them because I arrange for my parents to be sitters. His parents are too old.

[Anonymous]

He does. He probably does it twice a month on average, often more. I usually take care of who we're socializing with and he handles where we socialize.