My sister offered to be my surrogate. Pls no negative posts. I need information, not moral sermon.

[Anonymous]

We have been trying for a while...you name it.
No known reason, other than AMA, low ovarian reserve, no immune issues.
Pregnant once, miscarried at 7-8 weeks. 5+IVFs
My sister always said that she would carry a child for me. She is divorced, has two beautiful DDs (9 and 7). I would do the same for her, absolutely.

Anyone have experience in sister surrogacy?
Also she lives in FL, I would have to have a lawyer there for sure, but what about here?
I have no idea, I'm surprise, excited but worried.

[Anonymous]

I would do this for my sister in a second. You are very loved. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

My friend's MOM was her surrogate. And while it wasn't always easy, both of them are thrilled with the outcome.

[Anonymous]

Would you use her eggs, yours, or a donor? With your history, assuming you're open to it, it sounds like you'd be a candidate to carry a pregnancy yourself using donor eggs. It sounds like egg quality is the most likely issue, nut your body's ability to carry to term.

[Anonymous]

Why haven't you considered donor eggs?

[Anonymous]

Not trying to be negative but I don't think this is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

As a lawyer who's had some linited experience with all this, I'd say, MUCH better to use a stranger who will disappear from your life thereafter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do this for my sister in a second. You are very loved. Good luck.

+1

[Anonymous]

I would not take the opinions of anyone here, most of which have no experience with this. I would go to RESOLVE and ask on one of their boards, or at one of their support groups.

Also, any good doctor you go to will require that you, your husband, your sister and her husband all go to counseling to talk things through thoroughly. You really have to examine things closely, and decide what is best for you. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a lawyer who's had some linited experience with all this, I'd say, MUCH better to use a stranger who will disappear from your life thereafter.

This

[Anonymous]

The one thing I would be cautious of is the fact that your sister is divorced. I once looked very seriously into becoming a surrogate for a friend, but that was when I was married. I'm divorced now, and though I still would like to maybe be a surrogate someday, it's more difficult to be pregnant and then losing baby weight/etc when you're single and possibly looking to date. Definitely not saying it's the same for your sister, but I just know for me, being single complicated things a bit. I truly hope it works out for you - your sister sounds wonderful!

[Anonymous]

I think the recommendation to ask on the Resolve boards is a good one.

I also think you should talk to your doctor more to find out whether an egg donor or a surrogate would be a better option. They are both costly.

Then I'd consider if experiencing a pregnancy and giving birth is important to you as an experience. Some women may mourn that or resent their surrogate.

You will undoubtedly have a lot of complicated feelings with either route. Which is the easiest for you to handle?

[Anonymous]

So my husband was a sperm donor for my sister in law (not blood related sil). This is similar in some ways but obvi very different

I posted on here and got the mixed bag of responses you are getting (when we were deciding if we should offer). Fwiw, so far so good.

I'd be happy to answer questions you have about our arrangement.

[Anonymous]

The coolest story I ever heard: My friend's wife has 2 sisters; one of whom is infertile. So one sister donated her eggs, another sister carried the baby, and together they created a child for their infertile sister.

Is that complicated? I guess. On paper, anyway. But if you go into these things with your eyes and heart open -- just understanding that you're dealing with emotions that may sometimes be a little messy -- i think it can be one of the most magical and rewarding experiences you'll ever have.

(For what it's worth, I have some experience with these family arrangements. My brother donated sperm to my partner, giving us the most amazing child and a wonderful new bond we share with him and his wife. I don't care what the trolls say: It's our modern family. It works and I wouldn't have it any other way.)

[Anonymous]

The big thing to consider is how you will all feel if something goes awry with all of this. What if the pregnancy or labor and delivery are complicated in someway that leaves your sister with permanent changes to her body (either cosmetic or something more serious such as a permanent handicap)?. What if the baby is diagnosed with a serious birth defect and you wish to abort but your sister does not or vice versa? What if the pregnancy is difficult to the point where it negatively impacts your sister's ability to perform as a mother for her own children or at her job? What if you and your sister disagree about the way she should conduct herself as a pregnant woman (you think she is drinking too much coffee etc. )? What if she miscarries early on? Would you pressure her to try again?

I think most people who are not biased against the whole idea of reproductive medicine can see that if all goes smoothly, this will be a sweet and wonderful thing. One sister provides for another sister the greatest gift that anyone could ever offer. It is when things do not go according to plan (which happens far more often than we would like to admit in life) that the closeness of your relationship can be a detriment rather than a strength. Please consider all of these scenarios and any others that might come to light carefully before moving forward.