Single moms, is it going to get better?

[Anonymous]

This is my week with my son. I have been so happy for the last 2 days that we are together for the whole week. But today I realized I get sad and depressed when I see families on weekends. And they are everywhere - at the gym, at the playground, at restaurants. During the week I see only moms with kids and on weekends the reality of not being with my ex hits me hard. Felt so good in the morning to have unrushed quality time with my baby. Now I feel very down and about to burst into tears. I like watching families though. Some of them look genuinely happy. Some don't.

Ugh, I want to move on so badly...

[Anonymous]

Why did you get divorced? IF you were miserable in your marriage, then you should be happy to be single.

Quit focusing on what others have and look at what you have. If you want a family, you have to work on it. Perhaps DH #2 will be a better fit for you than DH 1.

[Anonymous]

True. Thanks. Still love him.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it gets easier. I didn't remarry. Not sure I'll ever want to, though I am in a LTR with a great guy. (He does not try to parent my kids by our mutual agreement. When pressed to label their relationship, he prefers to refer to himself as "a fellow member of their Mom Appreciation Society")

The weekends, esp Sunday mornings in church used to bother me. With time came the realization that my kids and I am in a happy healthy place that I never knew existed during my marriage. And I was the one who built that life for us.

You may remarry, but do the self-work first. Otherwise, it's easy to keep thinking that there's (yet) another Mr. Right out there to fix it all.

[Anonymous]

Thanks

[Anonymous]

OP,

I'd consider joining a single parents group like on meetup.com. You're definitely not alone. Moving on is hard and takes work. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Maybe talk to someone (a counselor)? How recent is your separation?

I've had your exact thoughts and, yes, the thought itself comes less frequently these days. I see other families differently now - like companions & a source of love for us. Rather than sadness at the demise of my family.

[Anonymous]

Get richer friends. I am only half joking. As a single mom myself, I made a couple mom friends whose DHs were high wage earners had plenty of time to hang out on weekends. Their DH rarely did long blocks of "family time" on weekends because they were working or they were relaxing from work.

[Anonymous]

I gets easier.

[Anonymous]

You and DS are a family [of 2], no better or worse than a family of 3, not incomplete but rather a whole unit.

[Anonymous]

You may just need to meet some more single moms and divorced moms to hang out with. It's easy to feel like odd-man-out in any situation when you're a single mom - you don't fit with your childless friends and you don't fit with your married-family friends. I'm a single mom who has plenty of both of those types of friends, but I am always psyched to hang with other single moms. (though it can be hard to get our custody times on the same page!) I like hanging with my child-free single girlfriends, too - they have a way of making me feel good about the thing that I *do* have (my child), even if I don't have a nice husband to go with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may just need to meet some more single moms and divorced moms to hang out with. It's easy to feel like odd-man-out in any situation when you're a single mom - you don't fit with your childless friends and you don't fit with your married-family friends. I'm a single mom who has plenty of both of those types of friends, but I am always psyched to hang with other single moms. (though it can be hard to get our custody times on the same page!) I like hanging with my child-free single girlfriends, too - they have a way of making me feel good about the thing that I *do* have (my child), even if I don't have a nice husband to go with it.

Good one. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

15:01 here - also, it gets easier as the kids get older because more people get divorced. A lot of folks will stay together unhappily when kids are really young, but then split up later. You'll feel less odd-man-out then. (Not saying it's a good or a bad thing, divorce, just that you'll be in the same boat with more people.)

[Anonymous]

OP, i have literally a dozen female friends in their early forties who are single and have no children and are sadly realizing that they probably will never have (biological) children, and without partners they're probably not likely to start a family. When you are walking through the park with your child they are sitting there thinking--look at that mom, she is so lucky to have the love of a child, I would give anything to be her.

Not that comparing yourself to others is the right way to think of these things, but sometimes it helps to take that other perspective and realize you have a priceless treasure. Yes, you could have another kind of joy and hopefully you will again someday, but in the meantime, you do have something that is one of God's great gifts. good luck to you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, i have literally a dozen female friends in their early forties who are single and have no children and are sadly realizing that they probably will never have (biological) children, and without partners they're probably not likely to start a family. When you are walking through the park with your child they are sitting there thinking--look at that mom, she is so lucky to have the love of a child, I would give anything to be her.

Not that comparing yourself to others is the right way to think of these things, but sometimes it helps to take that other perspective and realize you have a priceless treasure. Yes, you could have another kind of joy and hopefully you will again someday, but in the meantime, you do have something that is one of God's great gifts. good luck to you

You made my day! Thank you