Single moms, is it going to get better?

[Anonymous]

I think it has to do with not having your son all the time. I am a single mom with just one child and I never found it depressing to be out amongst families but I did have my child full time every day.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Yes, when I don't like going anywhere when he isn't with me. Can't function at times. I hope it's temporary

[Anonymous]

I meant I don't like going anywhere

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a little concerned about you, that you might be depressed. Do you have someone you can talk to about this stuff IRL? there's no shame in talking to a professional after big life changes like this. (or anytime, really.)

If you don't think you're depressed, then it sounds like you need to find some things you like to do that can only be done when child-free. A yoga class or golf lessons or a boxing class would be good ways to get out aggression. or a soccer team. Or a trivia team at a local bar. or a meetup group for something else.

[Anonymous]

Depressed. Very. In therapy. Seems to be helpful. But when I wake and realize he is not with me on a Saturday, I don't even get up and spend 2 days at home. This is just so bad. I couldn't take it and went to pick him up from the daycare on Monday and asked his dad to let me keep him overnight. It's amazing how good I feel in the morning when he is at my place. I know I need to make plans for the weeks I don't have him, and I do but then I cancel

What to do???

[Anonymous]

OP, what did you like to do before you got married and had kids? Did you have friendships? Hobbies? Interests? Sports? Are you someone who kind of took on the interests of the person you were with, and then had a baby, so now you're kind of not sure how to spend your time? (not judging, just that I know some people like this, and they're the ones whose worlds are definitely more rocked by divorce.)

I miss my daughter when she's with her dad, and I can't imagine not being her mom, but honestly, I spent so long as a single, child-free person (36 years) and had so many things I liked to do that sometimes I miss my old life so much. I've always had a very strong sense of self, so giving up a lot of myself to take on the care of another person has been tough for me.

Next time you have plans, make yourself go. Just do it. Sometimes I don't feel like doing what I'm scheduled to do (6:00 yoga, 8:00 drinks w/ the girls) but I just do it anyway, and 99 times out of 100, I'm glad I did.

[Anonymous]

It took me more than a year after our separation to feel confidently comfortable doing things just the two of us. But I forced myself to do it - to go out to dinner, take vacations (we've now traveled quite a bit!), and generally to be okay with us as our little family unit. If you take the time to look past those families of 4, you'll see a lot of other types of families out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depressed. Very. In therapy. Seems to be helpful. But when I wake and realize he is not with me on a Saturday, I don't even get up and spend 2 days at home. This is just so bad. I couldn't take it and went to pick him up from the daycare on Monday and asked his dad to let me keep him overnight. It's amazing how good I feel in the morning when he is at my place. I know I need to make plans for the weeks I don't have him, and I do but then I cancel

What to do???

I am really sorry. This must be terribly hard. Is there any chance you can re-negotiate your custody arrangement? For some divorced friends, when their kids were young, they stayed with mom and did dad's house every other weekend and one overnight in the middle of the week.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, I am one of those people who forgot about my own interests. Thank you for good advices. I will force myself next weekend to get out and do things. I am worried that I am getting used to being alone.

As for the custody arrangement, my ex and I can't discuss anything without getting into an argument. I hope overtime we will be able to communicate better

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the Nike ad is good advice, "Just Do It." I use that to motivate me to the gym sometimes when I just don't feel like it. It will get better, but it might not happen passively - being passive about it might cause a spiral - you get isolated because you're sad, and then you get sadder because you're isolated. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depressed. Very. In therapy. Seems to be helpful. But when I wake and realize he is not with me on a Saturday, I don't even get up and spend 2 days at home. This is just so bad. I couldn't take it and went to pick him up from the daycare on Monday and asked his dad to let me keep him overnight. It's amazing how good I feel in the morning when he is at my place. I know I need to make plans for the weeks I don't have him, and I do but then I cancel

What to do???

The irony of your post is there are other single moms who would LOVE to share custody of their children with the ex. Women who never have personal time and would love to be able to sleep in once in awhile. I suggest that you write a list of all of the things in your life that you have to be thankful for.

I'm a single mom and DC is spending the two weeks of Spring Break with her dad. I found myself wishing I was in a LTR, because this would've been a perfect time to hang as a couple. And then I reminded myself what I DO have. Solitude. I can sleep and eat (or not) when I want. I reminded myself that it won't always be like this. One day, I'll look back with fondness on days like this spent watching RHOA marathons and taking sporadic naps.

I agree that you need friends! They make all of the difference.

[Anonymous]

5 years for me. Got easier when the kids got a bit older (they were toddler and infant when divorced). Easier. But, not better. Sorry. It is super hard I think and very depressing. If you are younger than me, you may meet someone and that makes it better I hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depressed. Very. In therapy. Seems to be helpful. But when I wake and realize he is not with me on a Saturday, I don't even get up and spend 2 days at home. This is just so bad. I couldn't take it and went to pick him up from the daycare on Monday and asked his dad to let me keep him overnight. It's amazing how good I feel in the morning when he is at my place. I know I need to make plans for the weeks I don't have him, and I do but then I cancel

What to do???

The irony of your post is there are other single moms who would LOVE to share custody of their children with the ex. Women who never have personal time and would love to be able to sleep in once in awhile. I suggest that you write a list of all of the things in your life that you have to be thankful for.

I'm a single mom and DC is spending the two weeks of Spring Break with her dad. I found myself wishing I was in a LTR, because this would've been a perfect time to hang as a couple. And then I reminded myself what I DO have. Solitude. I can sleep and eat (or not) when I want. I reminded myself that it won't always be like this. One day, I'll look back with fondness on days like this spent watching RHOA marathons and taking sporadic naps.

I agree that you need friends! They make all of the difference.

OP here. Thank you for this. Such a good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5 years for me. Got easier when the kids got a bit older (they were toddler and infant when divorced). Easier. But, not better. Sorry. It is super hard I think and very depressing. If you are younger than me, you may meet someone and that makes it better I hear.

I hope you will meet a good guy. It is never late