Healthy, wealthy mother does nothing but complain how hard her life is

[Anonymous]

My mother, admittedly, grew up poor, the only child of an alcoholic father. But she married my father, who became a wealthy doctor, and from the age of 25 was a SAHM and has never had a job since. Since my father passed away 10 years ago, she is in perfect health in her mid-60s, has around $10 million in her own name….and does nothing but complain about how hard her life is!

Meanwhile I became a teacher, married a social worker, had two kids. We are happy, but I do struggle with trying to get everything done, care for my kids, work full time, and all on not much money.

I understand I made my own choices, and I know she is probably lonely, but I just have less and less patience with hearing how rough my mom has it. Does anyone have any advice for helping me feel more generous towards her? I have upended my whole life several times to help her out – stayed with her for 6 weeks during my first maternity leave to sell her house and get her moved into a condo, for example – and she literally hasn’t come to visit me once during a tough past two years since my youngest was born, husband lost job, and we had to downsize houses. She is just always “so overwhelmed” to do anything to help, and I am getting resentful (and don't like feeling this way).

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like you are jealous that she has $ and you of not.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she has depression?

[Anonymous]

I would tell her how lucky she is. I wouldn't have much patience with someone like that either.

Maybe schedule a mother daughter day. If she doesn't want to spend time with you, accept it and move on.

Are you sure she's in perfect mental health?

[Anonymous]

IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU! Her complaining about her life is not an opinion about your life. Why do people think everything everyone else does is about them? Yes there are people starving with no clothing and shelter but when I complain about bad traffic it doesn't mean I am ignoring the fact that other people haVe a lot of stuff to deal with.

In your situation,
Money isn't everything. She is a widow. That is hard. Getting old sucks. your body hurts in places it never did before. It can be depressing. Why not listen, sympathize and then tell her your trials and tribulations. I find that people who open up about these things are also inviting the other person to confide as well. Don't try and one up her just respect her issues and confide like a daughter.

[Anonymous]

I read an ungrateful child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU! Her complaining about her life is not an opinion about your life. Why do people think everything everyone else does is about them? Yes there are people starving with no clothing and shelter but when I complain about bad traffic it doesn't mean I am ignoring the fact that other people haVe a lot of stuff to deal with.

In your situation,
Money isn't everything. She is a widow. That is hard. Getting old sucks. your body hurts in places it never did before. It can be depressing. Why not listen, sympathize and then tell her your trials and tribulations. I find that people who open up about these things are also inviting the other person to confide as well. Don't try and one up her just respect her issues and confide like a daughter.

Op here. Thanks, this is very helpful. Everything is just ALWAYS so hard for her, no matter what I do, and she doesn't appreciate in return when things are hard for me, or try to help me out in return. The money is a bit of a red herring, although I do find myself resenting her completely discounting how much easier it does make her life in lots of ways.

[Anonymous]

Money doesn't buy happiness. Plain and simple. Your mother doesn't have to be perfect, just like you don't. Maybe if you listen and validate her feelings, she may complain less. Worth a shot!

[Anonymous]

"Mom, nobody likes to be around a complainer. I need for us to talk about something else". And if she doesn't, you say goodbye on the phone, or you excuse yourself and do something else.

[Anonymous]

I'm a widow about OP's mother's age. I have a lot of health issues that my kids and my siblings know nothing about.

I make it a point not to complain to my kids or anyone else. I find complaining people very annoying. I don't want people to avoid me, I want to have fun!

[Anonymous]

Send her an escort?

[Anonymous]

Do WHATEVER she wants. You have to think about the estate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do WHATEVER she wants. You have to think about the estate.

+100.

[Anonymous]

If she's been SAHM since 25, and husband was well off then she probably didn't have to deal with general life things, like paying bills or managing money, my guess. So she probably does find it hard to do simple things.

I once saw an interview of Celine Dion, and she said her manager/husband took care of everything for her from day 1, starting at 16. As an adjult she wasn't even sure how to order room service.

goes to show, just cuz you have money doesn't mean you shouldn't do things for yourself.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that she does have health issues in her mid 60s.

At the very least, she probably has some aches and pains.

Plus, her mental capacity could be diminishing.

She helped you out when u were growing up. Now she is old. You shouldn't be expecting her help.