Survivors of IVF- Anyone do multiple ivf for first dc and multiple for #2?
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Anonymous
| I am going through it now for #2, after having done multiple IVF to conceive DD. It is killing me- it's like PTSD to go through it again. Did anyone do multiple rounds for both kids and are on the other side and have any wisdom/advice from the other side to share? |
Anonymous
| If it's so horribly traumatic why do it again? |
Anonymous
| I'm going to try next year. Fortunately we did have successful the first time. I remembered telling myself I didn't care either way. MAde myself believe that until those 10 days where I was waiting for a positive. Cried every single day (the year we were TTC, and then the time we tried IVF). Finally on day 12 of peeing on a stick we got our first positive. It's hard. No advice. My friend went thru the same thing. She did her second IVF alongside me (1.5 years ago) and has tried multiple times since. I don't ask her about it. She has severe male factor issues. |
Anonymous
| 21:35 that's the most idiotic question EVER- obviously people do it to have children, which is one of the most rewarding meaningful things, and lasts a lifetime. OP wants a sibling for her DC, she wants a second kid. It makes sense. The pain is brief compared to the lifetime of joy from your children. |
Anonymous
well, she compared it to PTSD... I got it and I'll never ever endure childbirth again because of PSTD. sorry if my question made no sense. I thought she suffered from PTSD. |
Anonymous
| Pp your childbirth was that bad you don't want any more children? Why can't you schedule a c section next time? This is OP. PTSD is a colloquial term here- I just mean that it was awful the first time around- anxiety, depressed, loss of control, takes over your life with all the appts and monitoring, hormones shots etc. so it's just really hard to be back there again and doubly exhausting to do it while also taking care of a toddler bc I have so little time to take care of myself the way I did last time... Just wondering if anyone else did multiple rounds of ivf for both kids and has any perspective/wisdom from the other side? How to emotionally get through it... |
Anonymous
Been there, done that. Didn't get a t-shirt. Went through several rounds of IVF for DC #1 and three cycles of IVF (one cancelled cycle) for DC #2 (started when DC #1 was 18 months). You'll hear the "yes, it's all worth it" comments -- but when you are in the thick of it, it's hard to get a bigger perspective. My advice is to set a limit to how far you will go. When you get hormone crazy, try to keep focused on the short-term goals vs. thinking big picture. Hang in there, OP, and best of luck to you! |
Anonymous
| 5 cycles. 1 surgery, 2 miscarriages. 2 D&Cs, 20LBS gained that never left= 2 fantastic kids who are worth it all. |
Anonymous
| We went through 4 cycles of IVF to conceive our first child and an additional 5 fresh and 1 frozen IVF cycles (multiple miscarriages and ectopicd) to conceive our twins. Kids are turning 5 and 8 this year and the pain and trauma from going through that is a distant memory so definitely worth it if you can endure it. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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My wisdom is to try and let go as much as possible. A lot of this is not in your control, unfortunately. All you can do is focus on taking the best care of yourself that you possibly can. Try and enjoy each day for what it is - you have a DH and a DD. It's so easy to become so obsessed with the IVF process that you forget what you have in front of you, particularly your first child. You will get there, so try and make the journey as easy on yourself as possible. Not easy, but try and keep that in mind.
Best wishes, OP. |
Anonymous
| Thanks, this is OP. I did 3 cycles for DD, and I just had adhesions surgery and then a failed FET for #2. I am gearing up for another FET, but trying to prepare for a long haul. Hopefully one of my frozens takes, but I may need to do a fresh again... UGH. I am also starting to get anxious that they're going to be farther apart than I'd wanted, and anxious that I may need to transfer 2 and risk twins (we really don't want twins and so far are doing SET transfers each time, which I also realize may cause it to take longer). What I find hard is that I didn't expect it to be so emotionally distressing the second time around- since I do have a beautiful daughter who is 2 years 3 months and is the light of my life. But I just can't help getting caught up in the roller coaster, and I don't know whether to be optimistic or pessimistic each cycle- whether to POAS or not (drives me crazy, esp. since I've had a chemical before), whether to stop drinking or drink, whether to assume it will or won't work, how to plan my life, whether to plan any summer trips or vacations because I don't know if I will still be doing this... UGH. |
Anonymous
You're an asshole. |
Anonymous
Being pessimistic won't get you anywhere. There's never harm in being optimistic, even when things don't turn out as you hope. I'm a POAS gal myself, but stay away if it drives you crazy. And plan a summer trip for God's sake. Missing a month so you can enjoy the summer with your DD and DH won't make any difference in the outcome of the next cycle. Seriously, plan a vacation. Hopefully you'll be pregnant already. But if not, a change of scene and a cocktail by the beach might be just what you need. I know it's hard because I went through this twice myself. But don't lose this time in your life to the process of IVF. Try and take the best of what you already have and enjoy it, depsite the fact that IVF is so physically and emotionally draining. My regret about the second time around was that I didn't enjoy my first daughter more. I was so caught up in the roller coaster and I didn't even enjoy the wonderfulness right in front of me. Don't be me, OP. |
Anonymous
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OP - I am in the thick of it with TTC #2 with you. It just sucks to have endured such a long journey for #1 and then to have it happen again - ick! It helps me that we started TTC #2 much sooner than would have been ideal, but each failed cycle is very emotional. Don't put too much pressure on yourself with regards to sibling spacing. We have many friends and family members with big age gaps, and they are all wonderful and happy families. That will just put too much pressure on yourself and perhaps lead you to make a decision regarding 2 embryos vs 1 which you may not be truly comfortable with.
Don't stall your life...take those family trips and enjoy your DD#1 because you fought hard for her! Taking a vacation would delay your treatment maybe one month. Not a big price to pay for lasting memories of something fun with your current hard-fought family. Oh and half a glass of red wine never hurts either. |
Anonymous
| Thanks PPs. This is OP. I am one of those people who in the thick of it doesn't want to take a break. I had a cancelled cycle and surgery for adhesions so that already caused delays in when I wanted to start this. And unlike PP I didn't start before it was ideal. I didn't want to start before the 2 year age gap because I thought it might work the first time bc we had top quality blasts frozen and I got pregnant the first time. So now I feel like I'm behind the clock... And I wonder if I could even enjoy a vacation while I'm in such limbo...But I know that's not helpful. I just want to know that someday when I have my 2 kids this will be a distant memory and I will be able to get back to my old self... It's just so hard not to be able to plan anything- like commit to events or get togethers or plans with friends a month or two away bc I have no idea what will be going on with my cycle... And although I love my daughter and am thankful every day for her bc coming home to her and waking up to her gets me through this, I still feel bad that I am mentally and emotionally so distracted from this... |