Question for families who have adopted internationally

[Anonymous]

I'm interested to learn if anyone has added on a little vacation while abroad adopting their child. My husband and I will be first time parents and it'll be our first time in this particular country. We will not have time before we pick up our child but were thinking of adding on a little trip after we pick her up. Maybe ~5 days of sightseeing and whatnot. We were throwing around the idea because 1) we've never been there and 2) most likely won't be going back for a very long time (very expensive and not a place I would necessarily choose over other places). We are avid travelers though figure we'll be traveling a lot less once we become parents. We understand this would be a different kind of traveling than we are used to because of the addition of a toddler but I think we may be up for it.

I can think of many pros and many cons, interested in hearing other peoples opinions. Our agency seemed to think it was ok but seemed confused as to why we'd want to. It's not an unsafe destination but maybe not a country people go to often for vacation.

[Anonymous]

How old is the child? I adopted a toddler internationally and I think this is a bad idea. Immediate attachment and cocooning efforts are critical and traipsing around to museums and restaurants is not going to help you with this goal. If you want to travel you should definitely take the time before you pick the child up.

[Anonymous]

I adopted from Guatemala (when it was open) and traveled there several times to visit. I tacked on some travel days for those trips. So if it is a country where you make more thean1 trip, I think that's fine.

But on the trip to pick up your child, I would not tack on any additional days for travel/visiting. That's the change from being childless traveler to parent -- and parent to adoptive one at that. That being said if it's a matter of staying 1 more day in country to adjust before flight home, that's different, but again that's to help child, not to sightsee.

The sole objective of adoption trip is to get child and make child as comfortable as possible in potentially difficult transition. It is not about seeing sights or your own pleasure.

P.S. I was thinking about doing this by adding a few days onto front of trip and friend told me I didn't to focus on what was truly important which was the child. That was great advice and advice I will also give to you

[Anonymous]

As a foster mother AND someone who just traveled with an 8mo well attached bio child, please no! Travel is hard on everyone! You need your support system, very likely your pediatrician and 1st world medical treatment and to bond as a family.

Just no no no no. Child needs stability, routine, build familiarity- travel provides none of that.

[Anonymous]

PP here and i want to add that i am really shocked that your agency thought this was a good idea. Well, not really shocked now that i know how many agencies are but well, yeah, still shocked.

[Anonymous]

Everyone I know who adopted from China has had several days of tourism built into the trip. I think it's often scheduled around meetings to deal with paperwork, etc before meeting the child. It also gives the parents a chance to learn a little bit about the country they are adopting from.

But it seems weird to add vacation days after you have adopted. I can't imagine you'd get much out of it-after all you have this wonderful new person in your life-I'd think that would be consuming all your energy. Traveling with a toddler you've cared for their entire life is hard enough, one where you're just figuring out her schedule, signals, etc and don't share a language with be 10x harder.

[Anonymous]

We adopted internationally and had a two week vacation as well but that was before we picked up our child up. I wouldn't have done it after because of what people said- you need quiet time to bond with your child.

We were able to do it beforehand because our agency had us do a one hour meeting with our child and then another one hour meeting a couple days later. So it was structured with plenty of down time that otherwise would have just had us sitting in our hotel looking at each other if we didn't travel. But once we got our child, we left the next day.

Also, I am originally from that country and hadn't been back since I immigrated so my sightseeing had a different feel than most adoptive parents' travel would.

[Anonymous]

OP, I swear I am not trying to be snarky, but are you absolutely sure you are ready to adopt a child? A toddler, no less? Because you seem horrifyingly out-of-touch with the logistics of caring for a child, and more importantly, what is in the child's best interests. I also find it sad that you are self-proclaimed avid travelers, yet you don't see yourself going back to this country because "it isn't necessarily somewhere you would pick." Best of luck but I think you have some serious thinking to do about what awaits you after the adoption.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. the time to do your trip is before you have your child not after. Why is it so difficult to go out a week early? I have not adopted but I cannot imagine traipsing through a foreign country as a brand new parent!!!

[Anonymous]

I adopted twice internationally and both times tacked on a vacation. First time was a SN 2.5 year old and second time was a 10 month old. It was great. You have to be prepared. When I had agency staff with me I got them to help me buy everything I needed. I am a very easy going person and don't get stressed when things don't go quite right. Also I was really confident about my abilities to manage my kids and travel.

[Anonymous]

This is very interesting! I have some adopted relatives that have never been back to the birth country (adopted as babies). I imagine that I would want to adopt from a country that I enjoy, know about cultural traditions, etc., but what´s the attraction to adopting from a country that you would not really want to return to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very interesting! I have some adopted relatives that have never been back to the birth country (adopted as babies). I imagine that I would want to adopt from a country that I enjoy, know about cultural traditions, etc., but what´s the attraction to adopting from a country that you would not really want to return to?

OP here, in regard to what attracted us to this country, part of my husband's family (way way) back is from this country. Also, we were planning to adopt and seeing that this country had children available for adoption, it was kind of just the right thing for us. My original post was not to make it seem like we didn't (or wouldn't) like the country, it's just not one we would have necessarily chosen to go to on holiday and since it's very expensive to travel there (airfare and hotels), it's just not one we will be traveling to often.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would do it on the front end but not the back end. It is really overwhelming adopting and it is better to come home, get stable and then travel as a family. I would want to travel too but you have to do what is best for the child.

[Anonymous]

We adopted internationally and spent 3 days before we met our child visiting Saigon. Then we had planned to add a few days on at the end to visit Ha Long Bay, Vietnam, but our baby was sick and it was horribly cold and rainy (Hanoi), so we changed our tickets and went home early. If things had been different, we would have done more sightseeing. Our baby was happy to just ride around in the Ergo.

And because we were in Vietnam right before Lunar New Year, if they hadn't have been able to complete all of our paperwork before the holiday, we would have had to stay 10 more days since the US Embassy closes for 10 days around Lunar New Year.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP--tack on a few days before the adoption, absolutely not after.