How do you deal with being average or below average?

[Anonymous]

I am a fed lawyer. I have been in my position for 7 years. I am decent at my job, but I definitely lack passion for it and I just don't excel like some of my colleagues. I come to work, I get it done, and I play nice with others. I have excellent relationships with my clients. I am not a superstar and I'm okay with that. Well, I'm trying to be. I'd rather be home with my kids or doing anything else, frankly. I get average performance ratings.

I see my coworkers who just seem to have a knack for things that I don't. They spot issues I don't and just seem faster on their feet. They are able to whip out an advisory memo while I struggle to figure out where to start. I've been here long enough that I shouldn't struggle. They seem way more invested than I, though most don't have kids.

I won a big case last month and all my boss had to say about it was "Excellent outcome!" He's a jerk, but seriously.... I feel like he gave me no credit for the hard work I put in. His comment makes it sound like the win was a fluke. I may be hormonal right now but I am just feeling very unappreciated and like I am the dud in my office. Like most lawyers I am type A and I like to be the best. I am just feeling really down (no, I don't think I'm depressed or need therapy) and am trying to figure out what's next.

I've been searching for a new job but am well aware that the grass is not always greener. I'm scared to jump out of the frying pan into the fire. I have good balance here and am comfortable. I would love to find something that I have some passion for. I've got a few outside interests that really light my fire, but I know of nothing related that would allow me to make the kind of income I currently make.

Suggestions? Suck it up? Should I just appreciate how good I have it and accept being mediocre? Jump ship? Quit my job, sell my house, and move to Podunk where I don't have to work anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I would love to find something that I have some passion for.

You sound like my 20yo, but you are older, so should know better.
If you won an important case and you work in an office full of winners, you are performing according to general expectation. Your satisfaction at the win should come from within and should not depend so much on your supervisor's word choice or tone.

Lastly, your mood may be due to the hormones, weather, air pressure... I am not feeling too jolly myself and a couple women I talked with this morning reported the same.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this too, though it's not in comparison to coworkers.

I just don't care about work. It's not the top priority in my life. I can't remember shit at work but I do know that kid #1's soccer practice was rescheduled to Thursday, which bumps up against kid #2's soccer practice, so my husband and I will have to split practices and we'll need something quick to eat for dinner that night.

I need to work for the money, but my job isn't prestigious and, honestly, I don't want to do the work required for a prestigious position. I think we just have to accept that our priorities lie elsewhere. It's your (and my) pride that is making you feel like ashamed. Reprogram your inner voice.

[Anonymous]

Most people who are very successful and rich, compensate being average or below average, by being incredibly lucky!

Have u tried that?

[Anonymous]

I bet you are much better than you give yourself credit for. No lawyer just wins a big case without effort and skills! Another thing I have noticed is that legal skills encompass a huge range, and many lawyers are good at one set of skills and not so much at others. Memo writing and issue spotting is just one, very narrow skill. There is so much more to being a lawyer than writing and legal research - client relations, strategy, oral advocacy, deep substantive knowledge in your niche, etc etc. and don't forget that sheer work ethic can make up for shortfalls in other areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I think we just have to accept that our priorities lie elsewhere. It's your (and my) pride that is making you feel like ashamed. Reprogram your inner voice.

OP here. Thanks for all of the helpful comments. This one is spot on and very thought provoking. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

OP, I think that being a lawyer in D.C. can be tough because so many people hold themselves and others to impossibly high standards. Its easy to feel like you're a "dime a dozen" when half the people working on your floor have an ivy law degree or federal clerkship experience. I think it helps to know that this is a very DC (and perhaps NYC) view, and that most people in any other part of the country would be extremely impressed with you. I recently spoke with a recruiter located on the West coast, and it was so nice to hear her compliment me on my skill set. I know that my law school friends who have job hunted in other areas of the country have had this experience, too.

[Anonymous]

How much head-patting did you want from your boss on your big win?

When your kid gets 100 on a math test do you throw a party? No, you say "Cool!" or "Hey, all that studying paid off!" and move on.

[Anonymous]

It is called "work" for a reason. It isn't meant to be fun. 90 percent of the population don't enjoy their job.

[Anonymous]

I understand OP. I am also an attorney, although not big-law. I am not on a huge career path, and sometimes I feel like I should be. But, on the other hand, I have 3 small kids and they are what I really want to concentrate on now. They won't be this age forever and will be out of the house in a blink of the eye. I figure that I will concentrate more on my career as they get older and don't need me as much. Until then, I try to maintain the status quo and let my single or duel-income no kids coworkers be the over-achievers...

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the issue is you don't want to work and you want to stay home with your kids. If you can do that, go ahead, although you should be aware that there could be negative consequences to that choice. If you can't do that, then you need to suck it up or look elsewhere.

That said, you should be aware that your job isn't really the problem, and finding your passion isn't really the problem. The problem, if it is one, is that you don't want to work.

[Anonymous]

I had a thought this morning on my way into work. In my pre-DC life, I used to come in contact with people who were dumb all the time. Not a character flaw -they were caring people, good parents, worked hard, fun to be with - but not so smart.

Here in DC, I rarely come across people who are dumb. The bar is set very high in this town - average here would be head and shoulders above in most other places.

[Anonymous]

Not in law or even a related field, but I feel completely mediocre as well. I work hard but success just comes more easily for others. I have no advice. Just wanted to say that I feel ya.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are a really normal person who doesn't love her job. That's not a bad place to be -- it's reality for many of us. Try to find pleasure outside of the office and be really glad that you have a job to go to that doesn't suck more.

I think that there are more people in your shoes than you imagine. You are in touch with your reality and that's a good thing. The others that strive harder and are fiercer, are not necessarily any happier.

[Anonymous]

Ahh, it all just averages out in the end.