How do you deal with being average or below average?

[Anonymous]

I feel ya too. I'm the product of very good private schools, a top ranked SLAC and MBA program and my career couldn't be more mediocre. Sometimes I get depressed about it and sometimes I think about how lucky I am in so many other ways.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're being too hard on yourself. You just won a big case. You're likely to win another and another, etc. As you do, you'll get assigned more demanding work. Your boss recognized your success.

This has been a long, bitter winter, traditionally a terrible time to look for a job around here.

Keep looking but try to relax and enjoy your success for a few minutes. It sounds like you need an evening off from trying to be perfect. Go out and do something completely unrelated to work -- like see a movie, for example.

(OMG! Do something fun in the D.M.V.? Oh, nooo!)

Yes, go out and have fun for once. Put off self-examination and try to come back fresh tomorrow.

As for your long dark midnight of the soul, here's another perspective: "if winter comes, can spring be far behind?"

[Anonymous]

Don't beat yourself up, OP, and try not to compare yourself with a just a handful of successful people (DCUM doesn't help with that!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel ya too. I'm the product of very good private schools, a top ranked SLAC and MBA program and my career couldn't be more mediocre. Sometimes I get depressed about it and sometimes I think about how lucky I am in so many other ways.[/quote

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are a really normal person who doesn't love her job. That's not a bad place to be -- it's reality for many of us. Try to find pleasure outside of the office and be really glad that you have a job to go to that doesn't suck more.

I think that there are more people in your shoes than you imagine. You are in touch with your reality and that's a good thing. The others that strive harder and are fiercer, are not necessarily any happier.

+1

[Anonymous]

I am the attorney people say is brilliant, but it doesn't seem to be doing much for me. Mgmt isn't that focused on brilliant, esp in the govt. More important to be well liked.

[Anonymous]

The most brilliant and rewarded attorneys in my office work their asses off. That's fine for them, but it's not my speed. I think most offices have a balance of hard-chargers and slow and steady types. Try to get more assignments that play to your strengths and passions, and reframe your self image. You are not "below average", you are a team player who excels in areas other than issue spotting and memo writing.

[Anonymous]

A few points:

1. There is no coddling when you are out in the real world. Meaning: excel for excellence's sake, not for the praise. If you feel like you need acknowledgment from others in order to feel fulfilled then you should consider some form of therapy. I have the opposite issue with this: praise makes me uncomfortable. We both have unhealthy responses (you and me) so I'm not judging on this one.

2. Passion doesn't matter. It's great if you can find something professionally that you love but part of being an adult is paying the bills. That said, every life needs passion. If you cannot get it professionally then find a hobby that you can use as an escape or creative outlet.

3. Could you be depressed? Did you always like law? Is it just this office? Is it just seasonal?

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound a bit like me. i got down on myself for the littlest things until some of the partners in my office started telling me how great i was and i got my review and was rated "outstanding." now little stuff doesn't bother me anymore, and i am not constantly paranoid about whether i am doing a good job or screwing everything up.

if you can just tell yourself that you have insecurities and need validation and get past that, you will be fine. i really think that is your issue.

and if you feel this way, DO NOT leave the govt for the private sector. you will feel this way, but worse and more often, not to mention you will be concerned about getting fired.

[Anonymous]

About 5 years ago I realized I just don't care about my career anymore. Mostly I want to go to a work environment where people are relatively nice and I want to get paid. So now I just look for the best-paying job with non-insane people I can find and don't worry about the rest.

[Anonymous]

"So now I just look for the best-paying job with non-insane people I can find and don't worry about the rest."

I'm with you here!

[Anonymous]

Just want to chime in to say this whole conversation really resonates. My husband and I talk about this a lot. Throughout my 20s I felt like I was on the straight-up trajectory I was supposed to be on - great college, impressive early jobs, top grad school. Now I'm mid 30s. I've plateau'ed. Work is ok, but I'm not a super star. Am I ok with that? Was I supposed to be more/better than this? Were my expectations for my work life just too high?
No answers here. Just another "I feel ya."

[Anonymous]

Why is climbing the ladder supposed to be the main way to fulfillment and success? It isn't IMO.

[Anonymous]

I really like my job and I do it fairly well (I slack a lot - but get a lot done!), but I don't want to be the manager or climb any ladder. I'm just happy plugging away, doing my job and going home (and not working.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people who are very successful and rich, compensate being average or below average, by being incredibly lucky!

Have u tried that?

I disagree mostly because I don't believe in luck. Most average people (not the top 25% for being brilliant, innovative, or insanely efficient/hard working) who are very successful (power, influence, and/or money) are really great with relationships. They are people people, sales people, good friends, and good listeners. They are good with names and they always follow up. They might not always have the best idea or do the most work, but their the person who people think of for new and interesting assignments because people like spending time with them.