When your upper elementary age kid is sneaking snacks and hiding uneaten food what worked?

[Anonymous]

I have a 9 year old daughter, picky eater and moderate ADHD that can be impulsive. We don't force her to eat with the thought that when she is hungry she will eat (as per the pediatrician) and we don't want dinner to be a battle of wills/control. FWIW I was a picky eater as a kid and I know for certain foods, like fish, there was nothing my parents could do to make me eat it. So hello Karma, you really are a b^tch. My 9 year old takes it a step further with sneaking snacks (goldfish, M&M, candy) and we have found empty M&M wrappers in her room, a bag of goldfish in her drawer, recently this flavored fizzy drink in a toy drawer. Then there has been the supposed dinner she finished, pasta noodles wrapped in a napkin in between kitchen chair cushions, yogurt not eaten at school brought back from lunch and immediately thrown in the bathroom trash can when she " had to go to the bathroom" immediately when she got home. There are times I feel like we are at a special clinic when I have to do a pat down before going to school to make sure she didn't get candy (mind you it is on the top shelf out of the way) if I heard rustling around in the kitchen. She always denies it,, even when it could have been no one else other than her. She blames us as parents when she gets a consequence. if we try to have a discussion during a calm time she will end up bursting in tears/not wanting to talk about it.

Looking for advice on what worked for you. We are wondering if we need to go to a family therapist of some sort. We have also reduced the number of sweets around the house and have started to hide other sweets (like chewy fruits to put in their lunch). I would like to get to the point we know she will eat if she is hungry but clearly as long as she can sneak snacks and make it appear like she has eaten dinner to get dessert that won't happen. I know I am likely enabling in some way so please be kind but blunt, especially if you were a former enabler.

thanks.

[Anonymous]

If I were you, I would get rid of goldfish, M*Ms, candy, flavored fizzy drinks, chewy fruits for lunch, etc. Though that doesn't solve the pasta in the chair cushions... But anyway, yes, she will blame you as parents when she gets a consequence. You should do it anyway. Make rules, like:

1. If we find food or food wrappers in the bedroom, then [consequence] or
2. If we find food in the garbage, then [consequence]

and stick to them.

(I wonder why she brought the yogurt home to throw out? She couldn't throw it out at school?)

[Anonymous]

It's difficult to sort this out. While it's try that if she's hungry she will eat, someone who is filling up on M/M's, candy, fizzy drinks, etc. will not develop an appetite at mealtime. She will not eat regular meals at all but will simply graze all day long and may suffer from malnutrition. The hidden snacks in the room are a sign of this.

I think you need to have some rules about when snacks are available and have some rules about what foods and meals are the cornerstone of the day. Simply saying she'll eat when she's hungry is not going to work for a child who snacks the day away.

I think the entire family needs to change its eating habits. Eat whole foods, not crap.

[Anonymous]

Yes, get a family therapist now. Normally, I say let picky eating work itself out, but the hiding of food...she senses that her not eating will upset you so she is hiding her food. It may also be that she just needs to feel in control of something.

There is an unhealthy dynamic in your house that a good therapist can help you fix.

[Anonymous]

Sugar and junk food are addictive for many people. Just get it all out of your house. Let her have it elsewhere, but not at home.

[Anonymous]

OP here. 18:24 The teachers working lunch at school don't let the kids throw out uneaten food so the parents know if their kid is not eating lunch.

Need some added details to implement suggestions

1) what are healthy convenient snacks that hold up and are quick on the go? School will request we pack a mid-morning snack so it has to be easy to eat. Sometimes there is a need for a snack at the end of the school day if they are in an afternoon activity so it has to hold up. I think the convenience factor is how we ended up in goldfish land. It won't be realistic for us to prepare something so i need suggestions on convenient yet healthy.

2) What are natural consequences for food in bedroom and trash cans? I don't want to make things worse and I want the consequence to fit the issue.

3) any recs on a family therapist in Montgomery County that could help with this type of issue?

[Anonymous]

OP, thanks for this thread. My DS has done this too, at least the sneaking food part. No advice, just commiseration.

[Anonymous]

DS is the same age but on the spectrum and we have this issue. He's a crunchy food kind of guy and I stopped buying goldfish, chips, and crackers because I was tired of them disappearing and finding wrappers under his bed. Yesterday I went to get a dog bone and the box was missing so I figured they were gone. When I found the box of them on DS's bed I assumed he had grabbed the box in order to lure the dog into his room. When I asked him why the dog bones were in his room he told me they were good and crunchy. I think I'm back to buying chips and crackers.

[Anonymous]

My mid morning snacks tend to be cut up fruit and cheese. My go to afternoon snack is a PB sandwich with or without the jelly. If you're not allowed to send PB, you can use Sunbutter. My kids take an afternoon sandwich in their lunch box everyday. Somedays it gets eaten and other days it doesn't. I throw it in the fridge and send it the next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is the same age but on the spectrum and we have this issue. He's a crunchy food kind of guy and I stopped buying goldfish, chips, and crackers because I was tired of them disappearing and finding wrappers under his bed. Yesterday I went to get a dog bone and the box was missing so I figured they were gone. When I found the box of them on DS's bed I assumed he had grabbed the box in order to lure the dog into his room. When I asked him why the dog bones were in his room he told me they were good and crunchy. I think I'm back to buying chips and crackers.

Sorry that he's going through this but your story made me laugh.

[Anonymous]

Hello, CIO advocates. Food issues and hoarding are the price you pay for all that sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello, CIO advocates. Food issues and hoarding are the price you pay for all that sleep.

What the hell does sleeping have to do with food?
I think *you*need sleep!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello, CIO advocates. Food issues and hoarding are the price you pay for all that sleep.

At the risk of feeding the troll I will ask, how do you figure?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello, CIO advocates. Food issues and hoarding are the price you pay for all that sleep.

I'm impressed that you could figure out, from the OP's post, that the OP was a CIO advocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

2) What are natural consequences for food in bedroom and trash cans? I don't want to make things worse and I want the consequence to fit the issue.

One natural consequence would be no food because you threw it out and now there isn't anymore. I don't advocate this one, though. In this case, I think that I'd go for logical consequences. Like -- if you hide food in drawers in your room, then the furniture that has the drawers goes away.