Helping husband get through rough situation

[Anonymous]

My husband found out last week that a good friend of his is going to jail (25 day sentence) and my husband is really upset. I feel badly, but this is not a person involved in our day to day lives - he's never met our daughter and she's almost 3. The situation was something like a bar fight. The combo of a not great lawyer and a bad judge resulted in jail time. I know my husband feels really badly for his friend, but he's been in a terrible mood and it is affecting our kids and the mood around the house and I'm just hoping someone can give me advice on how to 1) help my husband get through (over) this and 2) how to deal with his awful mood.

[Anonymous]

Oh stop exacerbating the situation into a major crisis that you have to help your husband through. For crying out loud it just happened last week isn't he allowed some time to feel down about it? And even if he is especially torn up about it (more so than you think he should be) the sentence is only 25 days it'll be over before you know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband found out last week that a good friend of his is going to jail (25 day sentence) and my husband is really upset. I feel badly, but this is not a person involved in our day to day lives - he's never met our daughter and she's almost 3. The situation was something like a bar fight. The combo of a not great lawyer and a bad judge resulted in jail time. I know my husband feels really badly for his friend, but he's been in a terrible mood and it is affecting our kids and the mood around the house and I'm just hoping someone can give me advice on how to 1) help my husband get through (over) this and 2) how to deal with his awful mood.

Um, no. The bar fight and assault charges resulted in jail time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband found out last week that a good friend of his is going to jail (25 day sentence) and my husband is really upset. I feel badly, but this is not a person involved in our day to day lives - he's never met our daughter and she's almost 3. The situation was something like a bar fight. The combo of a not great lawyer and a bad judge resulted in jail time. I know my husband feels really badly for his friend, but he's been in a terrible mood and it is affecting our kids and the mood around the house and I'm just hoping someone can give me advice on how to 1) help my husband get through (over) this and 2) how to deal with his awful mood.

Um, no. The bar fight and assault charges resulted in jail time.

Yes, but I think part of the reason my husband is upset is because no one expected jail time - many similar cases have ended up with probation or a suspended sentence.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you and your husband need to grow up. Life isn't all roses ya know.

[Anonymous]

Ignore 14:35, OP.

For some reason this is touching something within your DH, OP. Maybe there is a "there but for the grace of God go I" feeilng about the situation because of the bad luck element. Is there more information here, such as your husband being a drinker or rowdy person, perhaps? If so, maybe some soul searching on his part, or even therapy?

It's also possible that he feels guilty about not seeing his friend much in the last few years and if he's prone to anxiety and guilt maybe feels (however irrationally) responsible for his friend's misfortune because he fell out of touch.

Whatever the situation, you might encourage your husband to visit his friend in jail. His friend will be lonely and frightened. He can visit, call. And I wouldn't accept bad moods...tell your husband he has to deal with this as an adult or go talk to someone.

[Anonymous]

If you're married and have children then I'll venture that your husbands friend is in the same age range.

Over 25 is too old to be in bar fights, I'm sure this friend has had a number of these things happen; car wrecks, bad break ups, multiple firings, bad credit etc. The 25 days will likely be 10 days of actual time, and may be the wake up or "bottom" this man needs to straighten out.

You could explain to your DH that his friend isn't living right and this is what happens; tell your husband that you certainly won't think any less of his friend when he gets out and that this man is welcome in your home. Don't worry, he's not going to come over, he'll go right back to what he's been doing or he'll isolate when he realizes he's got to change his life.

Was I sort of right?

[Anonymous]

This is 14:39 again. There are a lot of immature posters here today. Seems like people are trying to argue with OP about whether her DH has the right to his feelings. She's presenting the situation....it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

If you actually have personal knowledge of several similar cases and not just heresy of what the lawyer told his client, you may want to think about the type of people you invite into your life and what type of example you are setting for your kids.

[Anonymous]

DH here- don't talk to your husband about his mood. He's entitled to whatever feelings he has. Do talk to him about how his behavior is affecting the family. Tell him that you know he's in a bad mood and it sucks about his friend and ask if there's anything you can do to help. Otherwise, ask him to take alone-time to get his shit together and put on a happier face when he's in front of the kids.

But seriously- he's this bent out of shape because a buddy got a month for a bar fight? I've been "friends" with assholes like that and I'm happy to not have any around anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you actually have personal knowledge of several similar cases and not just heresy of what the lawyer told his client, you may want to think about the type of people you invite into your life and what type of example you are setting for your kids.

OP here - I'm a white collar defense attorney and my husband was, previously, a federal AUSA. I don't have any other friends who have been in jail, but I've dealt with many clients facing time and looked at quite a few sentencing memos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you actually have personal knowledge of several similar cases and not just heresy of what the lawyer told his client, you may want to think about the type of people you invite into your life and what type of example you are setting for your kids.

OP here - I'm a white collar defense attorney and my husband was, previously, a federal AUSA. I don't have any other friends who have been in jail, but I've dealt with many clients facing time and looked at quite a few sentencing memos.

Oh snap!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you actually have personal knowledge of several similar cases and not just heresy of what the lawyer told his client, you may want to think about the type of people you invite into your life and what type of example you are setting for your kids.

OP here - I'm a white collar defense attorney and my husband was, previously, a federal AUSA. I don't have any other friends who have been in jail, but I've dealt with many clients facing time and looked at quite a few sentencing memos.

And your friends are getting in bar fights?

[Anonymous]

Wow shocker. Even 'high class folks' drink, get in fights, and go to jail.

[Anonymous]

Whole story seems off. Not sure why your husband would get this bent out of shape over an acquaintance, I can understand a "damn that sucks" kind of thing but unless he was involved in the underlying situation somehow I just don't get it. Also, a simple bar fight for a first time offender (unless he beat up a cop or the like) seems over blown. As taxed as the jail system is the are not putting a guy in jail for a month because he punched someone in a bar. Must have a prior record of some kind or caused serious injury in which case he clearly deserves what he's getting.